What is self-esteem? This is a person's idea of the importance of his person in relation to other people, an assessment of his own merits and demerits.
How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence, after all, they are so necessary for a person to fully function in society and achieve many life goals: self-realization, success, spiritual wealth, family happiness, material prosperity.
The concept of self-esteem of the individual
Personal self-esteem- this is one's own knowledge and assessment, which includes in its component an assessment of all moral aspects, a characteristic of physical and human factors, one's own assessment of abilities and actions.
Self-esteem is his concept and idea of himself in relation to society. A person himself evaluates his behavior, opportunities, behavior and activities.
The concept of "self-esteem" is a kind of self-respect, because people who respect themselves are very calm and non-aggressive towards others.
They have an independent and independent line of behavior from surrounding personalities. Self-esteem is the evaluation of oneself as a person.
The presented concept is an important criterion in the general characterization of oneself from the point of view of the psychological plan.
Surprisingly, it is impossible to actually change your “assessment”, since it is laid down in early age so it will take a lot of effort to make your own changes.
Parents lay in the baby the whole essence of the human personality.
Moreover, self-esteem depends on innate factors, as well as from life circumstances that are observed in a baby in childhood, in a teenager in his youth. But there are also such incidents that children who grow up in abundance and wealth do not always grow up as individuals.
Then what factors influence the self-esteem of the individual?
According to the analysis of psychologists, a person's self-esteem is influenced by family and social factors, but this implies an attitude at the spiritual and psychological levels.
The attitude of others has a huge influence, since the formation of self-esteem is carried out during the continuous comparison of oneself with other people.
If there is dissatisfaction with one's own achievement, one can overcome oneself by soberly assessing one's character, temperament and other psychological properties involved in relationships with people around.
Types of self-esteem, or how to increase self-esteem?
Psychologists have identified three main functions of personality self-esteem, where the following aspects are presented:
- Regulatory function- self-esteem on its own or with the help of the person himself can decide and designate his own destiny in society, being.
- Protective - independently provides independence and a certain steadfastness of the individual.
- Developing - allows you to give a characteristic impetus to the development of personality by the person himself.
Self-esteem allows a person to see their strengths or weaknesses, believe in their objectivity and learn how to adequately respond to situations in everyday life.
There are three types of self-assessment, where possible deviations from the middle stage, they give the individual to experience psychological discomfort when communicating with others, at the beginning, the risk of internal conflicts increases. Often a person does not understand this and looks for a reason outside himself.
So, the following types of self-assessment are distinguished:
1. Heightened self-esteem- gives rise to superiority complexes in the form of such statements as "I am the most correct" or "I am the best."
A person considers himself ideal, exaggerates his abilities and abilities, importance to others. He ignores his failures to maintain inner comfort. He presents his weaknesses as strengths, and aggression and stubbornness as will and determination. Over time, it becomes inaccessible to others and loses feedback from them.
Such a person does not listen to other people's opinions, and he is accustomed to attribute his own mistakes to the intrigues of envious people, the intrigues of enemies and other external factors. A person with inflated conceit sets himself impossible tasks that are incommensurable with his capabilities.
In addition, he inherent features of aggressiveness, arrogance, rigidity, rudeness, quarrelsomeness, arrogance. Despite his arrogance, he is often subjected to hysterical and neurotic manifestations.
The appearance of such a person also indicates arrogance, which is expressed in a straight posture, head held high, commanding notes in his voice, and a direct look.
2. Low self-esteem- manifested by anxiety, indecision, shyness, caution. Such a person needs the support and approval of others.
Yielding to the opinions of others, often follows their lead. Suffering from an inferiority complex, in order to assert himself, he goes to rash acts. Sets goals that are lower than realistically possible.
Often goes into his troubles and failures, exaggerating them in the eyes of others. Such people are distinguished by isolation, exactingness to themselves and others, envy, cruelty, vindictiveness.
They quite often become bores, bring themselves and those around them to trifles, conflict at work and in the family.
Low self-esteem leaves an imprint on the appearance, which is manifested in an uncertain gait, when talking, they always look away, the head is drawn into the shoulders.
3. Adequate self-esteem is a realistic assessment of your needs with your capabilities.
Adequate level of self-esteem helps the individual to evaluate himself and his abilities from a critical point of view. A person knows his abilities, advantages, disadvantages, is able to adequately assess his bad and good deeds.
He knows when he is worthy of respect for his actions, and when it is inappropriate. A person who evaluates himself adequately feels inner stability, self-confidence, can build positive friendships with others.
When evaluating yourself, you should conduct some analysis, exposing your personality to sometimes unpleasant incidents.
For example, only an adequate attitude towards oneself with the recognition of one's own defeats and failures will help to cope with the task and determine the type of self-esteem. This will help in further communication with others, as well as in achieving your own goal.
10 quick ways to increase self-esteem, video:
How to love yourself and increase self-esteem?
Increase self-esteem- very lengthy, painstaking, serious, but quite real for self-fulfillment process. Attempts to build self-esteem will be beneficial to everyone. For such an event, psychologists suggest the following actions:
- One must stop comparing oneself with others. There will always be people who have something more or less than you. In the case of regular comparison of his personality with those around him, a person can develop a whole clan of opponents, which will be quite difficult to get around and surpass.
- A person should stop scolding himself over trifles. You can’t improve yourself if you keep repeating negative talk about yourself and your abilities all the time. Avoid derogatory comments about your job, career, appearance, financial situation, relationships.
- Be sure to accept compliments and congratulations, answering them with “thank you”. If you say something in the style of “not worth it, nothing special”, then you reject this compliment and send yourself a signal that you are not worthy of praise, thereby lowering your self-esteem again. You can not belittle your dignity by accepting praise.
- Use affirmations ( statements) to build confidence. To do this, put on some object that you often use or often see before your eyes, a statement like “I am charming and attractive”, and let it always be with you. Repeat them constantly in the morning and evening, this can be done throughout the day. Every time you say an affirmation, feel positive emotions towards it. Then the impact will be much stronger.
- Be sure to use seminars, audio and video recordings, self-improvement books. Any information you receive begins to take root in your mind and changes the way you behave towards yourself. Also, dominant information can influence your behavior in society. If you regularly listen to or read materials about, you will acquire these qualities faster and in greater quantities.
- Always communicate only with positive people. Self-confident people can support you too. If you are surrounded by negative personalities, pessimists, whiners who begin to suppress you with their behavior, your self-esteem automatically decreases.
- You should give more to others - give yourself by your actions, encouragement and support of other people. By helping others, you begin to feel like a valuable individual, you begin to be proud of yourself, and self-esteem immediately rises.
- Do what you enjoy. You can regain your self-confidence by doing something you love or doing something active that you enjoy and feel needed. Live the way you want to live, without waiting for the approval of relatives and friends.
As your self-esteem grows, your abilities will be revealed. Self-confidence will bring you peace of mind, and subsequently achieve adequate self-esteem.
According to ancient tradition, the woman is assigned the role of the keeper of the hearth. She has to cook food, wash clothes, clean and tidy the home. The rest were dominated by men.
The times of patriarchy have long gone, but its echoes still remain. As a result many women feel that they are given too modest a place in society.
The question of how to gain self-confidence and increase self-esteem rises radically. If nothing is done, then an insecure woman will not succeed either in her career or in her personal life.
1. Don't compare yourself to other women.
You should not envy women who have an ideal figure - this is the most important criterion, because many housewives cannot boast of ideal forms, and model appearances flashing on TV contribute to oppression in the presented issue.
Remember, with envy in your life, nothing will change for the better anyway. It is important to understand that everything people have flaws and they may be more serious than yours. Ideal women It doesn’t happen, and you just can’t please everyone.
2. Take care of your appearance. Girls who have a beautiful face believe that they can achieve everything thanks to this. Few are endowed with beauty by nature, the rest simply skillfully emphasize it. You should regularly visit beauty salons and hairdressers, go to fitness centers and update your wardrobe.
3. Develop intellectually. It is important to know that no beauty will help if there is no intelligence.
You should try to learn something new every day. To do this, you should read more, visit the information pages of the Internet. Even helping a child with homework feeds your intellect.
4. Forget past mistakes. Live by the principle of “learning from mistakes”, although they can have irreversible consequences, for example, a failed career, a child without a father, lost health. Do not blame yourself for the past, because it gave you life experience.
5. Lead a healthy lifestyle. In a healthy body healthy mind. Playing sports makes you not only slimmer, but also stronger, more confident psychologically. Bad habits, smoking, drinking alcohol can only worsen the situation.
A woman should love herself for who she is, and turn her shortcomings into virtues. It is also important to know that if a woman:
- lazy - can invent a convenient drug or household item, since laziness is the engine of progress;
- emotional - can fight back;
- stubborn - will achieve everything in life;
- jealous - will make her husband's life bright and unforgettable.
Psychologists suggest women regularly review films that increase women's self-esteem, which include:
How to raise women's self-esteem? Video:
How to increase a girl's self-esteem?
Girls with low self-esteem look shy and insecure in the eyes of others. And some, on the contrary, with exorbitant aplomb, which cover their indecision. Both styles of behavior interfere with adaptation in society, personal and spiritual life, career.
To the question how stop being ashamed of yourself, be in harmony with yourself and others, psychologists answer:
We must live life to the fullest, enjoying its versatility and magnificence, not being afraid of change.
Among other things, you must strive to study areas unknown and unexplored by you: knitting, embroidery, cooking, learning languages, traveling.
How to raise a man's self-esteem?
A man who is unsure of himself, his strengths, success, opportunities, will never achieve high results in life. He will not be able to confidently get acquainted with girls, lead them along, and calmly communicate.
And all because he thinks wrong, he thinks that he can’t do something, he doesn’t have enough strength, although he himself hasn’t tried anything yet.
Such people are easy to manage in life, they are suggestible, it seems to them that they are loved for their success in school, work, relationships, but if he fails, then everyone will turn away from him.
men with low self-esteem often become henpecked, they are easily manipulated by women. Therefore, such representatives need to raise self-esteem on their own or by visiting a psychologist. Here are some tips from a psychologist on how to become bolder:
Do not confuse self-confidence with self-confidence. What is the difference between self-confidence and self-confidence?
Confidence is a quality of character, self-confidence, which is supported by knowledge, skill and deeds.
- Don't criticize your child for no reason. Children are sensitive to any criticism, so you need to be careful here. Try not to criticize the child himself, but his actions.
- Recognize the identity of the child. You should not decide everything for him, let him have his own opinion, his own interests, his own decisions.
- Praise more often. Praise has a positive effect on a teenager's self-esteem, so do not forget to praise him even for the smallest achievements.
- Do not compare him to other children. You should not compare your child with others if the comparison is not in his favor. Your child is individual with all its shortcomings and advantages.
- Help your teenager find himself. Most often at school, due to problems with peers, the child's self-esteem decreases. Convince him to attend a section, a circle outside the school - let him get to know other children who can share his interests.
- Teach your child to say no. A teenager who cannot refuse anything to others is used by them and has no respect. Teach your child not to be led by others and to have their own opinion.
All parents must help their child to believe in themselves. It is important to respect and love him. Humiliation and insults are strictly prohibited. In the same way, others will begin to treat him.
Talk to him, delve into his problems, help him figure it out. The child should know that with any anxieties, problems, he can turn to his parents and will not meet with a hail of reproaches and condemnation.
Raising self-esteem and self-confidence is difficult, but real. To do this, you should evaluate yourself correctly and proceed with correction with the help of the advice of a psychologist.
Self-esteem is closely related to all aspects of your life, increasing it can solve your problems if you form a healthy and realistic view of it.
How to increase a woman's self-esteem: 20 great ways + 2 cool ones psychological exercises+ 3 wrong paths.
It doesn’t matter why your self-esteem has now slipped “below the baseboard” - your loved one left you, you lost your job, or a dress bought for big money fills you up.
Need to find effective way make the sky blue again, make your face happy, ice cream amazingly delicious, and life wonderful!
Let's "try on" ways, how to increase self esteem as a woman quickly and efficiently.
Anxiety! Whistle everyone upstairs or 5 signs that it's time to think about how to increase a woman's self-esteem
If a woman cannot calmly accept compliments, gifts, help, then it is worth working on self-confidence and self-esteem.
Well, where did the idea in your bright head come from that you are unworthy of all this?
And if a man offers you to bring a heavy bag, you don’t need to immediately fiddle with your pocket in search of a gas cartridge.
Due to low self-esteem, a woman agrees to a relationship with the first person to propose.
So what if he swears like a prisoner after his fifth term and hasn't read anything but a primer?
After all, “I blinded him from what was, and then what was, then I fell in love ...”.
A woman urgently needs to increase her self-esteem if she cannot speak out loud about her desires.
No, no, we are not only talking about your favorite position in sex (although it must also be voiced to your beloved).
Learn to at least tell your beloved what you want to order in a restaurant and finally decide on seafood, and not ordinary pasta with cheese.
A woman with low self-esteem is not respected by the people around her.
For how many years psychologists have been telling people that those who are close to you only reflect your attitude towards yourself and self-esteem, and "things are still there."
If a woman sees a competitor in all other ladies, then it's time to increase self-esteem.
“One likes watermelon, the other likes pork cartilage,” so don’t think that you, unlike the blue-eyed blonde, cannot be lucky in love.
“I am the most charming and attractive”: 5 ways to increase a woman’s self-esteem with the help of external changes
Not only men, but also women love themselves with their eyes (do not consider it vulgar!), and therefore read about how to increase your self-esteem by beating your appearance:
Business is time: 5 concrete actions to increase a woman's self-esteem
To have a pet.
No, just imagine how your self-esteem will skyrocket when you find out that you are able to get up every day at 5 am to walk your favorite dog.
A woman needs to find herself a new hobby if she wants to increase self-esteem.
Oriental dances and needlework, billiards and bowling, yoga and flower cultivation - you can’t list everything!
A woman can find a way to help those in need.
And, who knows, maybe that tall brunette from a volunteer organization who goes with you every weekend to an orphanage or a shelter for homeless animals is your betrothed?
In order for a woman to increase self-esteem, it is worth gaining new knowledge every day.
Consider courses foreign language, driving a car, personal growth trainings, etc.
During a period of acute dissatisfaction with herself, low self-esteem and unemployment, Olga signed up for free computer courses from the Employment Center.
The result is not only a coveted "crust" and an increase in self-esteem, but 5 months of fun studying, like in student days, and three amazing new girlfriends.
Bring perfect order to your home (make repairs, rearrange, etc.).
It is difficult for a woman to increase self-esteem and feel the harmony of the world if she has Armageddon in her closet, and palm-sized spiders in the corners.
Mind games: how to increase a woman's self-esteem by "redrawing" her brains?
The best scientific minds from the field of psychology are puzzling over how to make every young lady self-confident, like the Queen of Sheba.
Your own psychologist: 10 best tips from soul healers on how to improve a woman's self-esteem
- To raise self-esteem, overcome envy in yourself, otherwise, self-doubt will bloom in double color.
Make a list of 50 of your positive qualities, cherish and cherish it.
By the way, if you manage to "roll", more than 50 - it's just wonderful!
But be as specific as possible, for example, do not write that you are a good cook, but write: “I cook duck with apples so that if James Oliver tries it, he will sob with envy like a three-year-old kid and leave the profession.”
At one young lady, I even spied on the list the ability to draw perfect eyebrows with a pencil! What is not a method to increase self-esteem?
Start your morning with affirmations (positive statements) to boost your self-esteem.
Agree, there is something in getting up, not sending your dear boss to hell, but at the same time colleagues, neighbors and future fellow travelers on the minibus, but say out loud (this is important!) Something like this:
“I am 100% aware of my worth and will make this day wonderful!”.
Stop talking to "radish" people.
If a girlfriend chuckles skeptically when she sees your new dress, mutters “So you’re not 18 already!” and advises you to think about switching to anti-aging cosmetics and warm leggings instead of fashionable leggings - such a girlfriend will be in the "furnace"!
Don't compare yourself to others, compare yourself to your past self.
And if today you are one centimeter closer to the twine, then why is this not a reason for pride and self-esteem?
Learn to calmly accept compliments and signs of attention, if you want, as a woman, to increase self-esteem.
No need, alley, like a May rose, to talk about the fact that the whole secret is that you washed your hair in the morning and managed to iron your blouse.
Praise yourself for even the smallest achievement.
Didn't wake up for work in the morning? Holy woman, just holy ...
Don't justify your actions to others.
Yeah, well, you went on a date with a person who does not have a third higher and a crooked nose.
It is not necessary to tell mom: "But he does not have a beer belly and a good heart."
Write down in a separate notebook everything “good, bright, eternal” that happened to you during the day.
Even if it's a 20-minute lunch break in the park or a compliment on hair from your hairdresser (oh, rogue, lays smoothly to "unwind" for expensive painting!);
Don't try to please everyone, as it undermines self-esteem.
If you are under 25, then even if you always wear knee-high skirts and return home before 8 pm, you will still be a potential prostitute and drug addict for the grannies on the bench at the entrance.
2 cool psychological exercises with which a woman can increase self-esteem
"Double".
When communicating with people, do you shrink, shrink and mumble something unintelligible?
Imagine your favorite actress or singer in your place (yes, at least the full composition of ViaGra), remove yourself and let HER communicate on your behalf.
It is YOU who needs to increase self-esteem, and this beauty has everything "hit"!
"10 Seconds".
Psychologists say that appearance when evaluating a woman matters only the first few seconds.
Just wait until they finish!
How to boost a woman's self-esteem from the point of view of filmmakers: 15 luxury films
So that lovely ladies do not lose their composure and good spirits, many wonderful films have been shot.
They on vivid examples tell how a woman can increase self-esteem:
| No. p \ p | Name | Country, year of release |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | "Million Dollar Baby" | USA, 2004 |
| 2 | "The Devil Wears Prada" | USA, 2006 |
| 3 | "Queen" | USA, 2007 |
| 4 | "Frida" | USA, Canada, 2002 |
| 5 | "Black book" | Germany, UK, 2006 |
| 6 | "Moscow does not believe in tears" | USSR, 1979 |
| 7 | "Erin Brockovich" | USA, 2000 |
| 8 | "Barefoot on the pavement" | Germany, 2005 |
| 9 | "Head in the Clouds" | USA, 2004 |
| 10 | "Eat Pray Love" | USA, 2010 |
| 11 | "Golden age" | UK, 2007 |
| 12 | "Joan of Arc" | USA, 1999 |
| 13 | "And in my soul I dance" | Ireland, France, UK, 2004 |
| 14 | "Siberian barber" | Russia, Italy, 1998 |
| 15 | "Another Boleyn Girl" | UK, 2008 |
Pleasant hours watching these movie masterpieces are guaranteed to you.
10 best books that will tell you how to raise a woman's self-esteem
Therefore, it makes sense to take a closer look at the following literature:
| No. p \ p | Author, title |
|---|---|
| 1 | V. Levy "The Art of Being Yourself" |
| 2 | E. Robert "The main secrets of absolute self-confidence" |
| 3 | S. Mamontov “Believe in yourself. Self Confidence Training » |
| 4 | M. Smith "Self-Confidence Training" |
| 5 | R. Bach "A Seagull named John Livingston" |
| 6 | A. Nothomb "Fear and Trembling" |
| 7 | D. Millman "The Way of the Peaceful Warrior" |
| 8 | P. Coelho "The Alchemist" |
| 9 | D. Murphy "How to become self-confident and raise self-esteem" |
| 10 | E. Tarasov "How to increase self-esteem and achieve success" |
How can you love yourself and increase your self-esteem? Answers to these questions in an educational video:
Get off the curve path, ma'am, or 3 methods of how to increase a woman's self-esteem if she wants to completely ruin herself
Alcohol, drugs, promiscuous sex.
Complete, honey! In the evening at the bar, of course, you seem to yourself a better femme fatale than Carmen, and everything is fine with self-esteem.
But the morning will come anyway, and with the dawn all your inner “demons” will return.
Schadenfreude, gossip, manipulation, humiliation of other people.
Decided to play the Doctor, more precisely Doctor Evil?
Or feel special, close to the emperor?
Well, as you know, but the boomerang principle and the simple folk “As it comes around, it will respond!” no one has canceled yet.
"Mock" under another woman to increase your self-esteem.
We perfectly understand that men salivate at the mere sight of Angelina Jolie or Anna Kournikova, but you remember that “the rich also cry” and these young ladies often have several thousand more problems than you.
So different methods how to boost self esteem as a woman- at least take it easy.
The main thing is the desire to take care of yourself, and not walk around with a sad face, like Pierrot's, and universal longing in your eyes.
After all, as you remember, "the salvation of the drowning is the work of the drowning themselves."
We sincerely believe that you will be able to form adequate self-esteem.
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A fluttering gait, a proudly raised head, a chiseled posture, eyes radiating confidence and charisma: these qualities are inherent in women who have been able to become self-confident and increase their self-esteem.
To become a successful person, to have many fans and friends, it is important to work on yourself, constantly strive for the best. And for this it is necessary to cultivate in oneself the qualities of absolute confidence and firm convictions.
What influences self-esteem in a woman's life?
According to psychologists, problems with self-esteem can affect all areas of a woman's life:
- success in the professional field;
- communication with friends, colleagues and relatives;
- well-being of family life;
- physical and psychological health.
How to become a confident woman and increase self-esteem? Psychological advice will help Statistics show that the fair sex is more prone to low self-esteem than men. The interesting thing is that almost every woman knows if she has problems in this matter or not.
Test to determine the level of attitude towards yourself
Psychological tests help pinpoint whether a person has self-esteem issues.
If it turns out that self-esteem is underestimated, then it is necessary to carry out work to improve the personality.
The test below will give precise definition level of self-relationship. You must honestly answer all questions and immediately count the points scored. At the end of the test, all scores are added up. The resulting figure will show what level the survey participant belongs to.
Test: Determination of the level of self-esteem
Do you often think that you shouldn't have done or said something?
- Yes, often - 1 point;
- No, not often - 3 points.
When communicating with a witty and excellent interlocutor, you:
- Do everything to surpass him in wit - 5 points;
- You do not want to participate in such a competition, thereby showing the superiority of the interlocutor -1 point.
Which opinion suits you best?
- No luck, anything can be achieved only by hard work - 5 points;
- Success comes only by a happy coincidence - 1 point;
- In difficult situations, luck and perseverance will not help. Real help comes from a person who can comfort and encourage - 3 points.
How will you feel when you see your funny caricature?
- Laugh heartily, paying attention to the good resemblance - 3 points;
- You will be upset, but don’t give a look - 1 point;
- Start joking with the interlocutor in response - 4 points.
Do you often do work alone that should be done by several people?
- Yes - 1 point;
- No - 5 points;
- I don't know 3 points.
What perfume will you choose as a gift for a friend?
- Those that you like - 5 points;
- Those that you do not like, but, in your opinion, your friend will like - 3 points;
- Those recently seen in commercial- 1 point.
Do you often imagine situations in which you behave in a way that you would never behave in real life?
- Yes - 1 point;
- No - 5 points;
- I don't know 3 points.
Your young work colleague has achieved best results in service than you. Will it upset you?
- Yes - 1 point;
- No - 5 points;
- Not very - 3 points.
Do you find pleasure in arguing with someone?
- Yes - 5 points;
- No - 1 point;
- I don't know - points.
Close your eyes and try to imagine any of the colors. You submitted:
- Blue, blue, white - 1 point;
- Green, yellow - 3 points;
- Black, red - 5 points.
How to read test results
- If the score is between 38 and 50 then your self-esteem is too high. You are a confident and satisfied person. Both in social circles and in everyday life, you often emphasize your “I”, put your personal opinion above others and try to dominate your interlocutors. Criticism of others is your usual thing, but you don't care what they think of you. "I don't love others, but I love myself." The closer your number is to 50, the more this phrase fits you. Inflated self-esteem prevents you from accepting criticism.
- If the score is between 24 and 37, then your self-esteem is adequate. You completely trust yourself, and your life is filled with agreement with yourself. You can always find a way out of difficult situations. You are usually satisfied with yourself and the people around you. You can always be a support for your loved ones and colleagues.
- If the score is between 10 and 23 your self-esteem is low. You are not at all happy with yourself. Your intellect, appearance, achievements, abilities, age and even gender provoke dissatisfaction and doubts in you. It is difficult for you to succeed at work and the opinions of others seriously affect your life.
Any woman, having understood that she belongs to the third group, must do everything to become self-confident. To improve self-esteem, you need to understand the reasons that led to this.
Causes of low self-esteem and how to eliminate them
There are many reasons that will lead to a decrease in self-esteem. Among the most common are the following:
- improper upbringing in childhood;
- frequent failures in childhood;
- no specific goals in life;
- unhealthy surrounding society;
- various diseases and defects of appearance.
It is necessary to analyze each cause in more detail in order to find a way to eliminate it. Only by getting rid of them, you can come to the result.
Improper upbringing in the family
The bulk psychological deficiencies originates in early childhood. Poor self-esteem is no exception. Unnecessarily high demands of parents, reproaches, criticism, lack of affection and praise lead to it. If a child gets used to such an attitude, then in the future he will already behave as if he deserved it.
Frequent failures in childhood
If parents do not support their child, in case of his failures, then their child's attitude towards themselves will only worsen. The excessive demands of the father and mother usually lead to the fact that the child begins to evaluate himself according to adult criteria. This leads to loss of self-satisfaction and self-disappointment.
A significant role in this issue is played by the attitude of peers, who tend to make outcasts out of losers. This contributes to the loss of self-confidence and negatively affects self-esteem.
Lack of goals in life
In the absence of clear and realistic goals, both a child and an adult can become a person with a negative attitude towards themselves. If a person ceases to set himself tasks, his life loses colors. These people usually do not want to pay attention to their appearance, do not want to change something, stop dreaming and, as a result, the level of self-esteem decreases.
Unhealthy social environment
The social circle plays a significant role in the formation of self-esteem, both in adults and in children. A healthy attitude towards oneself is formed where there is good example to emulate. But if you have uninitiated friends who constantly complain about life, criticize others and do not want to change anything in their lives, self-esteem will only worsen.
In such cases, it is necessary to radically change the circle of communication and get closer to people who strive for success, try to make their dreams come true, know how to overcome difficulties and constantly improve themselves.
Defects in appearance and health
In the case of defects in appearance and with certain health problems, many children develop poor self-esteem. Such a child usually feels different from others. Often the situation is aggravated by the ruthless ridicule and bullying of peers.
In such cases, improving self-esteem will help eliminate these shortcomings. If this is not possible, it is necessary to develop qualities in yourself that will help you become self-confident, more developed and attractive to others.
Techniques to increase self-esteem and self-confidence
The following are methods that will help every woman become more confident and increase her self-esteem. This work can take only a few months - this is the assertion of psychologists. The main thing is to have the desire and desire for results.
Yes, a woman needs confidence that she deserves the best - self-respect, love and respect from others, personal growth, success in life. It is important to develop this confidence in yourself, and there are proven methods for this. Take action!
Stop criticizing yourself
There are no perfect people, and you are no exception. But you can’t constantly criticize yourself for your shortcomings. Self-criticism is a useful quality, but within reasonable limits.
To overcome negative attitude to oneself, psychologists advise to draw up detailed list its merits and periodically reread it. Stop criticizing yourself, learn to praise yourself. A self-confident person is distinguished not by the absence of shortcomings, but by the ability to ignore them.
Learn to accept praise
The ability to accept praise is an essential quality of a confident woman. Excessive modesty is just as harmful as its lack. A compliment received with dignity and gratitude is pleasing to both parties.
stop making excuses
There will definitely be someone who doesn't like something in your life. There are two possible scenarios here. If you're wrong—for example, your boss is unhappy with a poor-quality project—don't look for excuses. Admit and correct the mistake. The ability to admit one's wrong is a sign strong man able to take responsibility for their actions.
But you don't have to try to please everyone around you. For example, if someone doesn't like the way you dress, you don't have to make excuses. It's your life and it's up to you to decide whose opinion matters to you.
Learn to ask for help
The ability to ask for help is not a sign of weakness, but of strength. A weak person does not ask for help because of fear of rejection, fear of being in debt, false shame and other fears. A self-confident woman is not afraid to ask, calmly endures the refusal and thanks for the help with a sincere smile.
Start small - ask to hold the door, bring a heavy bag, explain some nuance. Even if you hear "no", it's not a disaster, but new experience which will make you stronger. Feel free to ask for help. And help yourself.
Bring your business to an end
You cannot succeed if you give up after the first difficulties. Unfinished business and unrealized plans significantly reduce self-esteem. Successfully overcoming difficulties is a great way to increase it.
A few rules to help you with this:
- consider motivation. Morning exercises - a slender figure, a completed project - a bonus received, etc.;
- don't try to do everything at once. For example, teach new language 20 minutes, but - every day. The main thing is to start taking action;
- find like-minded people. Or an example to follow;
- Don't forget to praise yourself - even for small successes.
Learn to love your body
In modern society, appearance plays a significant role. But you don't have to have a perfect body to be successful in life. There are enough examples of successful charismatic people on the Internet, whose appearance is far from perfect.
Accept and love yourself - you are unique. The state of harmony will give you confidence - and this will certainly affect the attitude of others.
Lead a healthy lifestyle, exercise
healthy image life and regular physical exercise necessary for a woman deciding how to become self-confident and increase self-esteem. It has been scientifically proven that physical activity stimulates the production of dopamine - the “hormone of joy”. A healthy lifestyle and sports improve the quality of life, improve health, improve appearance, and positively affect the state of the nervous system.
Take care of your appearance
A self-confident woman is distinguished by grooming. She loves herself and takes care of herself. Going to a beauty salon is a great remedy for depression. Get an elegant haircut, update your wardrobe. Consider it an investment in your successful future.
Hang out with optimists and successful people
If there are people in your environment who live by inertia, then they will ridicule all your ambitions. Limit such contacts to a minimum.
Look for successful, active and inspired people, like-minded people. Where? In the gym, at exhibitions, seminars, trainings, online. Purposeful, confident, strong people will serve as an excellent motivation for personal growth.
Learn to get out of your "comfort zone"
The "comfort zone" is a place not so much comfortable as familiar. For example, the usual nightly watching TV shows on the couch. In the "comfort zone" it is stuffy and cramped, but familiar and safe.
Break the comfortable stereotype. Start small - return home on an unusual path. Instead of lying on the couch, go to the pool, go to the theater, sign up for courses. New sensations, knowledge, acquaintances are a powerful incentive for the formation of self-confidence.
Read positive literature
Once you decide to make your life more positive, shield it from negative experiences whenever possible. Do not read news full of negativity. Yes, and serious, but too realistic literature should be avoided.
Now it is quite possible to treat yourself to “fairy tales for adults” - novels with a good ending, humorous detective stories, etc. It will be very useful to read specialized literature on the education of self-esteem.
Find your dream job
Changing jobs is a very serious step, which can be decided only after preparation. First, give yourself a break - say, a week of vacation. And only by dropping the accumulated negativity, you can make a decision. Maybe you like the work, but not a very close-knit team? Or did you not get along with your superiors? Then submit your resume and look for the same vacancy, but in different conditions.
And if you realize that you are doing something wrong? Again, don't rush. Decide what you like and get started. Attend courses, study literature, meet specialists. And life will definitely give you a chance.
live desires
Do you want to fly on a hang glider? Look for information, experts - and it is quite possible to spend your next vacation in the sky.
Don't be jealous of other people's success
You should not compare your life with someone else's. Glossy life so easy to watch in in social networks, may turn out to be a beautiful package that hides a pile of problems. Someone else's success should not frighten or cause envy, but inspire and teach. Do not compare yourself with someone else, compare yourself - yesterday and today.
discard laziness
Water does not flow under a lying stone - this saying is still relevant today. A confident woman will not let laziness ruin her life. If you want to achieve something - act. There are many ways to deal with laziness: break things down into parts, accompany work with music, come up with rewards, and so on. Choose your way and implement it.
To understand how to become a confident woman and increase self-esteem, you should take the help professional psychologists. Developed special techniques, trainings, exercises to solve these problems.
Use your positive qualities
Make a list of your positive qualities and analyze them. Realize how much potential you have. Consider how you can use these qualities in your daily life. Work on their development.
listen to affirmations
Affirmations are a brief statement of your desires as a fact that has come true. This is an effective form of self-hypnosis, subconscious programming, carried out by concentrated repeated repetition of verbal phrases.
Affirmations should be formulated very carefully, laying in them the quintessence of your desires, so that their repetition forms the desired setting.
You can repeat them or listen to the recording. Examples of wording: “I am self-confident”, “I love and I am loved”, “I am talented and successful”.
Diary of successes and achievements
A diary is an effective tool. Every day you need to record all your achievements, regardless of their scale. Keeping such records and their subsequent analysis is a good incentive for a woman, helping to become self-confident and increase self-esteem.
Practical exercises
Meditation
You should meditate in a calm environment, without external stimuli. Get into a comfortable position, take a few deep breaths in and out to focus. Now, with each exhalation, get rid of negative impressions.
Visualize negativity and imagine how it dissolves, giving way to calmness and optimism. Having tuned in a positive way, imagine yourself the way you would like to see. Take your time, carefully draw the image.
Movement, intonation, facial expressions, posture - work out every detail. Try to convey love and support to the created image.
This exercise takes 10-15 minutes. You can do it in the morning or in the evening, without haste. Regular meditation will gradually fix this ideal in the mind, transferring its features to the real image.
Autotraining
Auto-training can be effectively used to calm down in a stressful situation, tune in to solving a difficult task, gain self-confidence. For this, the appropriate affirmations are spoken aloud or to oneself.
For maximum efficiency, auto-training is best done in a calm environment, completely relaxed, saying affirmations aloud for 10-15 minutes. But this technique can also help in the workplace: even in crowded places, you can calm down by simply closing your eyes and repeating affirmations to yourself several times.
Psychological trainings
They are aimed at adapting to society, or rather, at developing immunity to public opinion. Of course, the opinions of others must be taken into account, but it should not completely subordinate your personality.
This requires inner strength, self-confidence, self-worth. Here are three easy workouts:
- Learn not to be afraid of the public and even manage it. And for this, do not hesitate to speak in front of a large audience. Use all the possibilities: a song with a guitar by the fire, a joke in the company, a report at work, a product presentation to customers. Gradually, you will get rid of complexes, feel confident, learn to own the audience - an excellent quality for career growth.
- "Double". This is where imagination is needed. If you don’t feel comfortable in public and you can’t overcome this complex, imagine yourself in the role of your favorite “star”, for whom communication is an everyday reality. Carry yourself with the same effortless freedom. Maybe not right away, but it will work. And over time, a double will not be needed.
- Confidence no matter what. This training requires props. Add a ridiculous detail to your look (old-fashioned glasses, curlers, a defiant jacket) and go outside. Go shopping, socialize, walk around with a completely unflappable air. This is a powerful tool, so start with small details.
10 books that will tell you how to raise self-esteem
Books can tell you how to become a confident woman and increase self-esteem.
- Louise Hay "Heal Your Life";
- Larisa Parfentyeva "100 ways to change your life";
- Brian Tracy "Self-Esteem";
- Dale Carnegie How to Stop Worrying and Start Living
- Dale Carnegie How to Build Self-Confidence and Influence People by Speaking in Public;
- Vladimir Levy "The Art of Being Yourself";
- Sergey Mamontov "Believe in yourself. Self-confidence training";
- Helen Andelin "The Charm of Femininity";
- Rafael Santandreu "How not to turn your life into a nightmare";
- Sharon Wegshida-Kroes “How much are you worth? How to learn to love and respect yourself.
Movies for motivation and self-confidence
Cinematography has addressed the theme of a strong woman more than once.
- The Devil Wears Prada, USA 2006;
- "Eat, Pray, Love", USA 2010;
- "Another Boleyn Girl", UK 2008;
- "The Barber of Siberia", Russia, Italy 1998;
- "Moscow does not believe in tears", USSR 1979.
How to become confident in communicating with a man?
A confident woman attracts men. She knows how to communicate without being afraid to express her point of view, which makes her an interesting conversationalist. Like all strong people, she knows how to give in, not considering it a sign of weakness. She knows how to emphasize her strengths, and leaves her weaknesses in the shade. She knows how, if necessary, to insist on her own, but at the same time she will be able not to offend her partner.
A confident woman always knows her worth. She will not tolerate the unacceptable behavior of a man, and will be able to say this delicately, but firmly. She will not grumble about anything, but will clearly articulate her dissatisfaction, remaining polite. Even in a difficult situation, she will be able to remain calm.
Perhaps not everything works out as planned. Do not despair, Develop confidence in your abilities, and everything will definitely work out!
How to gain confidence after a breakup or divorce?
This difficult period even for strong women. survive it with least loss will help:
- close people. It is desirable that during this period they are nearby, able to listen and support;
- hobby. It will help you relax;
- new impressions. Walk, go to exhibitions, to the cinema - new impressions will gradually replace the bitterness of the past;
- travels. It's great if it's possible. The sharper the change of scenery, the better.
Parting with a man is not a reason for disappointment in yourself. Your life goes on.
How to become a confident mom?
The birth of a child changes life drastically and forever. What can be advised:
- do not lose calm and confidence, despite the lack of experience. You will quickly learn how to care for a baby, your experience will grow with the child, and soon you will be able to give advice yourself;
- gratefully accept the advice and help of the older generation, but the final word in the process of education remains with you;
- don't forget about yourself. Involve your husband and other close people and find time for yourself - go to the hairdresser, take a bath, get enough sleep;
- value communication with the child. Rejoice in his smiles, first teeth and steps, and discover this wonderful world with him.
A life modern woman varied and rich. To become self-confident and succeed, it is enough to believe in yourself, in your strengths, and start acting.
The successes achieved will increase your self-esteem, strengthen your self-confidence - and inspire you to new achievements. After all, you really deserve it!
Video on how to change life for the better, become more confident and successful
Tips from psychologists: How to become more confident in yourself:
How to love yourself and increase self-esteem:
How to become more attractive:
The level of self-esteem affects all the actions of a person. Most often, a person's self-esteem is underestimated, that is, real opportunities of a person is higher than a person's ideas about his capabilities. This is usually due to the fact that the formation of self-esteem occurs mainly in childhood, when a person's capabilities are poorly developed. In addition, a negative environment has a serious impact. Of course, there are cases when a person has high self-esteem, but, in my opinion, this is typical only for very young people.
And for adults, the reverse situation is typical - low self-esteem, which is quite understandable. Personality is formed in childhood and early youth, when a person's capabilities for understandable reasons seriously limited.
It is quite possible to increase self-esteem, although this is often a rather slow process. However, conscious attempts at building self-esteem can be beneficial to just about anyone.
How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence? Here are 12 tips to help you do just that:
1. Stop comparing yourself to other people. There will always be people who have more of something than you, and there are people who have less than you. If you make comparisons, you will always have too many opponents or opponents in front of you that you cannot surpass.
2. Stop scolding and blaming yourself. You will not be able to develop a high level of self-esteem if you repeat negative statements about yourself and your abilities. Whether you're talking about your appearance, your career, relationships, financial status, or any other aspect of your life, avoid self-deprecating comments. Self-esteem correction is directly related to your statements about yourself.
3. Accept all compliments and congratulations in return "thank you." When you respond to a compliment with something like “yes, nothing special,” you are rejecting the compliment and simultaneously sending yourself the message that you are not worthy of praise, building low self-esteem. Therefore, accept praise without belittling your dignity.
Raising self-esteem
How to raise self-esteem for men (women), what is important to know how to act?
Hello dear reader! In this article I will give the first recommendations on how to raise self-esteem. In other articles on the site you will find even more information on this topic.
What is self-esteem and how important it is for a person - it’s not worth saying, this is already clear. And what do you need to raise your self-esteem and make it more stable and independent of external factors in particular people.
Firstly, a real desire (not just a "wishlist", but a firm intention), certain knowledge and 100% responsibility, without which it is impossible to do something worthwhile in life.
It is important to understand that you cannot destroy something and then build a new one in a few days. With the right approach, you can make it faster but that doesn't mean fast.
Although there is a quick way. This " miracle", which can happen to you, or which you can arrange for yourself. For example, arrange for yourself amnesia. And then already to form yourself, your views and your self-esteem anew, unless the memory returns to you again.
Honestly, I wouldn't advise anyone to do this. miracle". In addition, self-esteem is not so difficult to change, there are much more difficult things in life, for example, finding and achieving your goal.
How to raise our self-esteem? How to become more confident?
The first thing is important to keep in mind.
Self-esteem may change not only during life, but even during the day, and more than once, everything depends on the person, in particular, on his character traits, situation and mood at the moment. I think many of you noticed behind you - how until recently you felt good and confident, it seemed to you that you can do everything, but some unpleasant event happened (for example, someone said something to you), you were upset, and immediately manifested inner emptiness or even depression.
And the most interesting thing is that all this is quite normal, it happens to everyone, even the most confident people, only in their case, it is not of an acute (painful) nature, because they self-sufficient, they value, love themselves and are guided mainly by their opinion.
Many are sure that you can always be on top, you can always be stably confident and strive for this state. But this is a big misconception - you can't always be strong, confident and the best, always be cheerful and positive!
We have different periods: moments of decline and rise, sadness and joy, calmness and excitement; only in some it happens less frequently, in others it happens more often and in sharp, sharp jumps.
Depending on the circumstances, you can feel less confident at any moment, for example, when your plan didn’t work out or you are faced with completely new circumstances for yourself, this is a reality that makes no sense to resist.
Causes of tension, weakness and a constant drop in self-esteem
When a person always tries to be strong and confident, but does not feel like that internally, he is in constant anxiety and tension, he drives himself into the framework and is forced to constantly control his actions. After all, as he believes, one should strive to maintain his status, and he simply cannot relax.
And if suddenly something doesn’t turn out the way he wants (as he expected), if he, in his opinion, shows unacceptable weakness in some words and behavior, then voluntarily or involuntarily gets upset, angry and criticizes himself. It takes a lot of energy, vitality and immediately reduces self-esteem.
Therefore, for starters, you should not attach too much importance to this fact, a certain decrease in self-esteem, this is normal, just today was not your day. We all have days that we don't want to remember.
And it’s important not to force yourself to always be strong (oh), at your best, but you just need to gradually stabilize your self-esteem, learn to live with the state that you have, admit that you can worry about not better mood and allow yourself to be insecure.
This approach makes it possible to fully relax, and when a person is relaxed, he himself becomes calmer and more confident.
Fact and awareness of this already can help you, give you more freedom, liberate and give you confidence in action.
There is another very important point, similar to what is written above. When some unpleasant event happened, someone criticized you, "hit" or about you, maybe they forgot (ignored), treated you disrespectfully - and you expected something else and for this reason experienced unpleasant feelings, and your self-esteem dropped , besides, you might think that it is you who are to blame, you are somehow not like that - do not engage in self-digging and destructive analysis.
The reason may not be in you at all, and even if this is so, then you will not achieve anything good, except for pain, by self-digging.
What's happening? Self-esteem has fallen, you are upset and against this background bad mood trying to understand why it happened, what they did or said wrong. Your mood and self-esteem due to such unpleasant thoughts instantly decreases even more. Think about it, this happens a lot.
In this situation, it is impossible to draw useful conclusions (for this you need to have good self-control and be), and all this is just a seeming impression that, they say, I will delve into myself, find a solution (some words of justification) and I will feel better.
Here you just need to internally completely reconcile with what happened, leave all introspection and boldly move on.
And one of the main reasons why, in principle, you should never engage in self-flagellation and self-digging - this does not reinforce your confidence in any way, but, on the contrary, only aggravates your situation and general condition. Why this happens, you can read in the article "", about how stressful thoughts and emotions affect our body.
As for the experience that is important to draw from situations, this should be done calm cold introspection, without criticizing, scolding yourself and leaving an imprint of your entire past.
Such introspection is not done immediately, but some time after the event, when you have already calmed down, this makes it possible to look at the situation with a sober look. After all, only with a cool head, without unnecessary emotions, in a calm environment, you can draw objective conclusions, and not blame yourself or others.
It's even better to do it on paper. So the brain perceives and processes information better, you will see better (more clearly) what is important to you and what is just harmful nonsense.
From the whole analysis, only the essence is taken, that is, a piece real experience, a short (laconic) conclusion without any anger and criticism in your address, you find and extract a positive conclusion (benefit for yourself), this is real introspection and useful, constructive, light criticism.
Many, however, condemn themselves so ruthlessly that there is no way to come to inner peace, self-confidence and self-love. But is it possible through violence and guilt to come to spiritual harmony? How to raise self-esteem here? Think for yourself.
And yet, I know very well how it pulls, despite all the warnings, to continue introspection and introspection while remaining emotionally shattered, because I want to quickly find logical solution to calm yourself, but very often, this does not do anything good, just keep in mind.
Conclusion:
Never engage in self-flagellation and self-digging;
Do introspection when you are calm and better on paper;
Temporary insecurity and a decline in self-esteem is normal, it happens to everyone, just take it easy.
Self-Esteem and the Influence of People
It is always important to remember that no evaluations of other people should not affect your self-esteem, they can cause something internally unpleasant or good in you, depending on whether they praise or criticize you, but this influence should be more like ripples on the surface of the water, and not a tsunami that destroys everything. Whatever anyone tells you, learn to treat it detachedly, without unnecessary emotions.
If you did or said something wrong and you think that you are wrong, there is no point in dwelling on it, you have already done it, and there is nothing to return. Over time, you will still have the opportunity to correct something, if necessary, and it is not so important who and what thinks of you, the main thing is how you think about yourself.
Exactly what we ourselves think about yourself, the most important thing , therefore, self-esteem is called self-esteem, and not mom-evaluation, dad-evaluation, colleagues-evaluation, etc., let the rest think what they want, it is their legal right and their problems to think about something there.
By the way, most people themselves are obsessed with what others think of them - how they look, how they are looked at, how they are treated, they think about controlling their behavior, words and facial expressions - and, in fact, they do not really care to you, so worry less.
1) Your thoughts and words to yourself
Talk to yourself, your thoughts - your friends, your thoughts should to help you to act, not harm. And I only mean sound thoughts, and not everything that can come to mind.
We cannot believe everything that we consciously and unconsciously think about. Some of our thoughts depend on many circumstances: on mood, general tone and many external and internal factors, and many of them do not even have a hint of any meaning (absurd) and are useless. Pay attention only to positive and constructive thoughts.
The way you talk to yourself is very important.
Try to give yourself good, successful thoughts and talk to yourself like a friend(do not be afraid, this is a non-excuse :), this is a very useful and good thing). Self-esteem is first and foremost attitude towards oneself. Good attitude to yourself, no matter what you do, no matter how badly you act regarding morality and the opinions of others.
What words do you say to yourself? What do you feel? What are your thoughts contributing to?
If you say to yourself: " I can't do anything", " I can't, I can't", "yes where do I go before", "I won’t go to meet, suddenly she doesn’t like me"or "I'm a fool, I'm somehow not like that"- these thoughts are the way vnowhere. You won't achieve anything with them.
The reality is that if you think you can't do it, it's doesn't mean at all that you really won’t succeed, it only says that it may not work out, but it can also work out if you pull yourself together and try hard.
And if it seems to you that they will not understand you, they will not appreciate you, and they will laugh at you, this does not mean at all that it will be so.
Courage and deeds are greatly appreciated by others, even if they are unsuccessful. Intelligent people will see that you are one of those who are able to act!
2) If you want to have stable self-esteem, don't focus on your failures and shortcomings.
Trite, but true, although many do not succeed. Failure happens to everyone. Don't get hung up on a thought like this when you're about to do something: " I may not be able to". If you think like that, most likely it will happen, or it will turn out badly.
Thoughts of failure are blocks that arise in our head as protection against a miss.
But if you are afraid of everything, then what will you achieve? You need to respond to such harmful "thought blocks" correctly - just calmly ignore them. It is best to passively observe yourself and everything that happens around you, without analyzing anything, and just do what you decide (despite the possibility of failure).
A simple word or a few words spoken to oneself helps a lot. For example, this unpleasant thought came to me: A all of a sudden i can't do anything", answer yourself: " I can, I will do it, and let it be what it is"Next, don't have a pointless conversation that deprives you of confidence. Just do it and see the result.
Don't be afraid to make mistakes.
Only he who pleases everyone or does nothing does not make mistakes. We all have the right to make mistakes, and we all make mistakes. A mistake is an opportunity to use your bad experience in order to correct actions in the future and do something better. We must be afraid not of mistakes, but of inaction and ignorance of our own (desires).
As they say: our success is built on the ruins of our mistakes, and success cannot be achieved without making mistakes.
3) Never blame yourself. I repeat, it is important to get rid of guilt, no matter what thoughts and beliefs interfere with you.
If you have been constantly blaming yourself before, this feeling settles inside, in your 
subconscious).
And it starts to work as a background, on the machine. You yourself do not notice how suddenly you begin to feel guilty, sometimes doing absolutely nothing wrong.
For example, in your direction could any suspicions arise surrounding, and you about it just thought a little , a sense of guilt could immediately arise inside.
Whatever you did wrong or bad, you can draw conclusions for the future, but do not blame yourself.
4) Don't make excuses. Justification in itself causes negative emotions. Making excuses, you are trying to prove something to someone, already implying that you may be to blame.
But even if you prove something, the sediment on your soul will still remain, and justification, no matter how you look at it, implies guilt. So never make excuses, even if you are guilty, it’s better to just apologize if you are really guilty, and that’s it.
5) Fear. Good defensive reaction organism. It occurs in all people without exception. This is a natural feeling of self-defense. But if fear completely takes possession of a person, then expect trouble.
6) Learn to accept gratitude. Many, having done a good deed, are embarrassed to accept gratitude, compliments and praise. But it is important to demonstrate to yourself that you are worthy of this gratitude; pride is not pride, pride in oneself, one's successes and actions always increases self-esteem. It nourishes you, and you may unwisely resist it. And if you are praised, then you deserve it, you need to adequately accept it.
By avoiding and refusing gratitude, you subconsciously believe that you are not worth it, and unconsciously, from the inside, you reinforce this unnecessary stiffness and shyness in yourself.
The next time you are praised, maybe you should believe it and be happy for yourself? Yes, it may be unusual for you, but still learn to adequately accept gratitude.
As for modesty, 
not bad when she is on business and alternates with good impudence.
Praise yourself to your loved one - this is the name of a small, but very useful practice that is important to apply. Praise yourself for everything you can, for any simple and useful deeds.
Made (a) dinner - excellent, I did well, however, the chicken was burnt - nothing, next time it will turn out better. Washed (a) shorts - great, but I'm just super.
7) If you are always or almost all the time, , pay attention to the past, the opinion of friends and relatives, wanting support and confirmation of the correctness of your decision, then you are already dependent on yourself.
Such dependence on the opinions of others - the presence of self-doubt and self-esteem will not increase you.
And by shifting decisions to others, you relieve yourself of responsibility for possible consequences. Yes, in case of failure, you will have someone to shove and "get rid of", but in case of success, you will not be able to feel a "winner" inside yourself (which you YOURSELF COULD), which means you will not increase your self-confidence!
Just try to make not too important decisions to begin with, most importantly, without regard to others.
We thought it over, firmly decided, period. Even if it's the wrong decision. Just try not to harm the people around you. There is a fine line here, but it is necessary to do this in order to feel in yourself that you too can make a decision, and you have your own real opinion.
8) The level of claims also affects self-esteem. If you put yourself in front too much lofty goals that cannot be realized in a relatively short time, prolonged unfulfillment can undermine your spirit, disappoint and lower your self-esteem.
Set high goals and go for them, but they should be realistically achievable in the near future..
Plan your goals, share parts, do one, move on to another. Having achieved your goal and internally becoming more confident and strong, set yourself a more significant goal.
9) How to raise self-esteem? Practice in front of a mirror, for both women and men.
True, this exercise is not suitable for everyone. If you feel severe discomfort, and this will continue every time for 3-4 days, leave it, it's just not for you right now. Here a different approach will be needed.
It all depends on the perception of the person and some points that I will not describe here.
While doing the practice, refer to yourself as your whole "I", do not focus only on appearance, individual features, some thoughts or internal state. You are all together, one whole, so you need to approach it.
Exercise can help a lot, but it takes time, because here you are programming yourself, your subconscious, and this is not so simple.
It is important to do the practice without straining, calmly and without fuss, without forcing yourself through your teeth, to say: "I love myself and".
You must say this, even if at first not with love and without faith, but with ease for yourself, that is, without tension. It doesn't matter if there is something you don't like about your appearance. 
At the mirror, repeat these words for at least two minutes. It is better to do this in the morning, as soon as you get up, and your brain is not fully awake, not loaded with thoughts and still clean, this will make it easier to accept information.
Smiling slightly, say to yourself: " I love and respect myself in my successes and failures. I love myself in sickness and in health. I accept myself as I am with all the good and bad that I have. I respect and love myself. I AM unique person and I have mine strengths and talents, and there is no one completely similar to me externally and internally. I respect and love myself regardless of my "flaws". I appreciate and love the way I am".
Here it is very important to just calmly say this to yourself, and not to look closely at every little thing that you like or dislike, not to be drawn into all sorts of unpleasant thoughts. You just have to say it to yourself and go.
10)
Make a list of what you are good at and what you are good at.
.
Write everything that is and is true. Describe in detail your positive traits(everyone has them), achievements and skills. After writing everything on a piece of paper, read it aloud. Try to read cheerfully and with feeling. If, after reading, you feel pleasant emotions It means that everything worked out, and this is what you need to strive for.
You can spend 2-3 minutes on this at least once a day. Take one skill of yours and describe it, then read it. The next day (or the day after) describe something else.
11) Take small steps towards what you want. Excessive tension, exhaustion is completely useless. You feel that now you don’t want to do anything at all, you want to relax, relax, gain strength and energy.
How to raise self-esteem. Important point!
Don't wait until your self-esteem is strong to make a decision. act little by little already right now.
The more you do something, the more you decide on steps that are significant for you, the faster you will feel confident, and at the same time, everything will work out better and calmer for you.
Nothing raises self-esteem (confidence) like - cessation of self-blame and new actions!
Try to do more of what you enjoy. If right now you have to go to a job you hate, then clearly define for yourself that you are doing this because now it is necessary and it benefits you, provides for your family, etc. That is, formulate a value in order to eliminate (weaken) the negative connotation of the situation, otherwise unloved job will in itself reduce your significance and self-esteem.
If you don't like the job, don't need a drastic change, keep working, but start looking for something that will be more to your taste than what you would like to do. Favorite business (hobby) has a very beneficial effect on inner satisfaction, self-esteem and life in general. Make your life more interesting!
I draw your attention to the fact that in the process of working on oneself, pendulums can arise - this is when everything was fine, and then it suddenly became bad. Treat such moments as temporary troubles. Just be calm during such periods!
The most difficult thing is to be patient and achieve the first noticeable success, and then it will be easier. As your self-esteem grows, your uniqueness begins to unfold, new perspectives open up. You will be able to take more risks and be less dependent on others.
Finally: how to raise self-esteem?
You can experience anxiety in any place where there are people without realizing why you are so anxious. One of the reasons noted above is judgment. You are afraid of how you are perceived and what others might think of you, this comes from your unstable self-esteem.
Therefore, a small but important tip - do not compare yourself to others and do not judge others. In comparison, you still lose in something, somewhere, to someone, you are good and unique, so be who you are. Such evaluative thoughts always lead to anxiety and tension.
Do not judge others, because when you judge, you consciously and unconsciously evaluate them, which means that you will always feel inside yourself that you are being evaluated.
This is manifested in the so-called "mind reading" phenomenon of the psyche, when you think that you know what other people think of you. Moreover, what you think about yourself, you kind of "transfer" into their head, and it seems to you that this is what they think about you.
By and large, all people have different thinking, and we cannot know what others think of us, we can only assume. But what does it matter if, for example, you think something bad about someone, he will not care.
The same is true in your case - there is no point in worrying that someone might think something about you, this cannot affect your success in any way, peace of mind and happiness in general, unless you wind yourself up with some thoughts. Only you, with your thinking, can bring yourself to emotional stress, stress and bad mood. Remember this.
When you stop judging people, the anxiety that is formed on judging and evaluating will become weaker and weaker, and there will be less and less such thoughts.
