Raising self-esteem
How to increase self-esteem for men (women), what is important to know, how to act?
Hello, dear reader! In this article I will give the first recommendations on how to increase self-esteem. You will find even more information on this topic in other articles on the site.
What self-esteem is and how important it is for a person - there is no need to say, this is already clear. What do you need to raise your self-esteem and make it more stable and independent from external factors, in particular, people.
Firstly, a real desire (not just a “wish”, but a firm intention), certain knowledge and 100% responsibility, without which it is impossible to do anything worthwhile in life.
It is important to understand that you cannot destroy something and then build a new one in a few days. With the right approach you can make it faster, but that doesn't mean fast.
Although there are quick way. This " miracle", which can happen to you, or which you can arrange for yourself. For example, arrange for yourself amnesia. And then form yourself, your views and your self-esteem again, unless your memory returns to you again.
True, I don’t advise anyone to do this." miracle"Besides, self-esteem is not so difficult to change; there are much more difficult things in life, for example, finding and achieving your goal.
How to raise our self-esteem? How to become more confident?
The first thing is important to keep in mind.
Self-esteem may change not only throughout life, but even during the day, and more than once, everything depends on the person, in particular, on his character traits, situation and mood in this moment. I think many of you have noticed how recently you felt good and confident, you thought you could do anything, but some unpleasant event happened (for example, someone said something to you), you got upset, and inner emptiness or even depression immediately appeared.
And the most interesting thing is that all this is quite normal, it happens to everyone, even the most confident people, only in their case, it is not acute (painful) in nature, because they self-sufficient, they value, love themselves and are guided mainly by their own opinion.
Many are sure that you can always be on top, you can always be consistently confident and strive for this state. But this is a big misconception - you cannot always be strong, confident and the best, always be cheerful and positive!
We have different periods: moments of decline and rise, sadness and joy, calm and excitement; only for some this happens less frequently, for others - more often and in sharp, sharp jumps.
Depending on the circumstances, you can feel less confident at any moment, for example, when your plan did not work out or you are faced with completely new circumstances; this is a reality that makes no sense to resist.
Causes of tension, weakness and constant loss of self-esteem
When a person always tries to be strong and confident, but does not feel like that internally, he is in constant anxiety and tension, he drives himself into limits and is forced to constantly control his actions. After all, he believes that he must strive to maintain his status, and he simply cannot relax.
And if suddenly something does not turn out the way he wants (as he expected), if he, in his opinion, shows unacceptable weakness in some words and behavior, then voluntarily or involuntarily he becomes upset, angry and criticizes himself. This takes a lot of energy, it vitality and immediately reduces self-esteem.
Therefore, to begin with, you should not attach too much importance to this fact, a certain decrease in self-esteem is normal, it’s just that today was not your day. We all have those days that we don't want to remember.
And it’s important not to force yourself to always be strong (oh), on top, but you just need to gradually stabilize your self-esteem, learn to live with the state that you have, admit that you may not worry better mood and allow yourself to be uncertain.
This approach makes it possible to fully relax, and when a person is relaxed, he himself becomes calmer and more confident.
The fact and awareness of this is already can help you, give you more freedom, liberate and give you confidence in your actions.
There are still very important point, similar to what is written above. When some unpleasant event happened, someone criticized you, “attacked” you, or maybe they forgot about you (ignored you), treated you with disrespect - and you expected something different and for this reason you experienced unpleasant feelings, and your self-esteem decreased , besides, you might think that it’s your fault, you’re somehow different - do not engage in self-examination and destructive analysis.
The reason may not be in you at all, and even if this is the case, then you will not achieve anything good except pain by digging yourself.
What's happening? Self-esteem has fallen, you are upset and against this background bad mood trying to understand why this happened, what they did or said wrong. Your mood and self-esteem due to such unpleasant thoughts instantly decreases even more. Think about it, this happens often.
In this situation, it is impossible to draw useful conclusions (for this you need to have good self-control and be), and all this is just an apparent impression that, they say, I will delve into myself, find a solution (some words of justification) and I will feel better.
Here you just need to internally completely reconcile with what happened, leave all self-analysis and boldly move on.
And one of the main reasons why, in principle, you should never engage in self-flagellation and self-examination - this does not in any way reinforce your confidence, but on the contrary, only aggravates your situation and general state. Why this happens, you can read in the article "", about how stressful thoughts and emotions affect our body.
As for the experience that is important to learn from situations, this must be done calm, cold introspection, without criticizing, without scolding yourself and without imprinting your whole past.
Such self-analysis is not done immediately, but some time after the event, when you have already calmed down, this makes it possible to look at the situation with a sober look. After all, only on cool head, without unnecessary emotions, in a calm environment, you can draw objective conclusions, and not blame yourself or others.
It’s even better to do it on paper. This way the brain perceives and processes information better, you will see better (more clearly) what is important to you and what is just harmful nonsense.
From the entire analysis, only the essence is taken, that is, a piece real experience, a short (concise) conclusion without any anger or criticism directed at you, you find and extract a positive conclusion (benefit for yourself), this is real self-analysis and useful, constructive, light criticism.
Many people condemn themselves so mercilessly that there is no way to come to inner peace, confidence and self-love. But is it possible to achieve spiritual harmony through violence and guilt? How can you raise your self-esteem? Think for yourself.
And yet, I know very well how tempting it is, despite all the warnings, to continue soul-searching and introspection while remaining emotionally shaken, because you want to find it quickly. logical solution to reassure yourself, but very often, this does not do anything good, just keep in mind.
Conclusion:
Never engage in self-flagellation and self-examination;
Do introspection when you are calm and better on paper;
Temporary uncertainty and a decline in self-esteem are normal, it happens to everyone, just be calm about it.
Self-esteem and people's influence
It is always important to remember that no assessments of other people should not affect your self-esteem, they can evoke something internally unpleasant or good in you, depending on whether they praise you or criticize you, but this influence should be more like ripples on the surface of water, and not a tsunami that destroys everything. No matter what anyone tells you, learn to treat it with detachment, without unnecessary emotions.
If you have done or said something wrong and you believe that you are wrong, there is no point in dwelling on it, you have already done it, and there is nothing to take back. Over time, you will still have the opportunity to correct something, if necessary, and it is not so important who and what thinks about you, the main thing is how you think about yourself.
Exactly what we ourselves we think about ourselves, the most important thing , that’s why self-esteem is called self-esteem, and not mom-assessment, dad-assessment, colleagues-assessment, etc., let the rest think what they want, it’s their legal right and their problem to think about something.
By the way, most people themselves are fixated on what others think about them - how they look, how they look at them, how they treat them, they think about controlling their behavior, words and facial expressions - and, in essence, they don’t really care up to you, so worry less.
1) Your thoughts and words to yourself
Talk to yourself, your thoughts - your friends, your thoughts should to help you to act, not to harm. And I mean only common sense, and not everything that might come to mind.
We cannot believe everything that we consciously and unconsciously think. Our particular thoughts depend on many circumstances: on mood, general tone and many external and internal factors, and many of them do not even have a hint of any meaning (absurd) and are useless. Pay attention only to positive and constructive thoughts.
The way you talk to yourself is very important.
Try to give yourself good, successful thoughts and talk to yourself like a friend(don’t be afraid, this is non-forgiving :), this is a very useful and good thing). Self-esteem is, first of all, attitude towards oneself. Having a good attitude towards yourself, no matter what you do, no matter how bad you act regarding the morals and opinions of others.
What words do you say to yourself? How do you feel? What are your thoughts contributing to?
If you tell yourself: " I won't succeed", " I'm not capable, I can't", "where do I care about that?", "I won’t go and meet her, in case she doesn’t like me"or "I'm a fool, I'm somehow different" - these thoughts are the way Vnowhere. You definitely won't achieve anything with them.
The reality is that if you think you can't succeed, you will. doesn't mean at all that you really won’t succeed, it just means that it may not work out, but it might also work out if you pull yourself together and try hard.
And if it seems to you that they will not understand you, will not appreciate you, and will laugh at you, this does not mean at all that this will happen.
Courage and actions are highly valued by others, even if they are unsuccessful. Reasonable people will see that you are someone who can take action!
2) If you want to have stable self-esteem, don't focus on your failures and shortcomings.
It’s corny, but it’s true, although many people don’t succeed. Failures happen to everyone. Don't get hung up on a thought like this when you're about to do something: " I may not succeed"If you think like that, most likely it will happen, or it will turn out badly.
Thoughts of failure are blocks, which arise in our head as protection against a miss.
But if you are afraid of everything, then what will you achieve? You need to react correctly to such harmful “thought blocks” - just calmly ignore them. It is best to passively observe yourself and everything that is happening around you, without analyzing anything, and just do what you decide (despite the possibility of failure).
A simple word or a few words spoken to yourself helps a lot. For example, this unpleasant thought came to me: " A suddenly I can't do anything at all", answer yourself: " I can do it, I will do it, and let it turn out what happens". Then don’t have a meaningless conversation with yourself that deprives you of confidence. Just do it and see the result.
Don't be afraid to make mistakes.
Only the one who pleases everyone or does nothing makes no mistakes. We all have the right to make mistakes, and we all make mistakes. A mistake is an opportunity to use your bad experience to adjust your actions and do something better in the future. We should not be afraid of mistakes, but of inaction and ignorance of our (desires).
As they say: our success is built on the ruins of our mistakes, and it is impossible to achieve success without making mistakes.
3) Never blame yourself. I repeat, it is important to get rid of feelings of guilt, no matter what thoughts and beliefs interfere with you.
If you have constantly blamed yourself before, this feeling settles inside, in your 
subconscious).
And it starts working as a background, automatically. You yourself don’t notice how you suddenly begin to feel guilty, sometimes without doing anything wrong.
For example, in your direction they could some suspicions arise those around you, and you about it just a passing thought , a feeling of guilt could immediately arise inside.
Whatever you did wrong or bad, you can draw conclusions for the future, but you don’t need to blame yourself.
4) Don't make excuses. Justification in itself causes negative emotions. When making excuses, you are trying to prove something to someone, already implying that you may be guilty.
But even if you prove something, a sediment will still remain on your soul, and justification, no matter how you look at it, implies guilt. So never make excuses, even if you are guilty, it’s better to just apologize if you are really guilty, and that’s all.
5) Fear. good defensive reaction body. It occurs in all people without exception. This is a natural feeling of self-defense. But if fear completely takes over a person, then expect trouble.
6) Learn to accept gratitude. Many, having done a good deed, are embarrassed to accept gratitude, compliments and praise. But it is important to demonstrate to yourself that you are worthy of this gratitude; pride is not arrogance, pride in oneself, one’s successes and actions always increases self-esteem. It nourishes you, and you may unwisely resist it. And if you are praised, it means you deserve it, you need to accept it with dignity.
By avoiding and refusing gratitude, you subconsciously believe that you are not worth it, and unconsciously, from within, you reinforce this unnecessary stiffness and shyness in yourself.
The next time you are praised, maybe you should believe it and be happy for yourself? Yes, it may be unusual for you, but still learn to accept gratitude with dignity.
And as for modesty - this 
It’s not bad when it’s to the point and alternates with good arrogance.
Praise to yourself, your beloved - this is what they call small, but very useful practice which is important to apply. Praise yourself for everything you can, for any simple and useful things.
I made lunch - great, I did well, however, the chicken was burnt - nothing, next time it will turn out better. I washed my underpants - great, I'm just super.
7) If you always or almost all the time, , pay attention to the past, the opinions of friends and family, wanting support and confirmation of the correctness of your decision, then you are already dependent on yourself.
Such dependence on the opinions of others - the presence of self-doubt and self-esteem will not increase you.
And by shifting decisions to others, you are throwing off responsibility for possible consequences. Yes, in case of failure, you will have someone to blame and “excuse yourself” with, but if you succeed, you will not be able to feel a “winner” within yourself (which you COULD do), which means you will not increase your confidence in your abilities!
Just try not to take too much to begin with. important decisions, most importantly, without regard for others.
We thought about it, firmly decided, and that’s it. Even if it is a wrong decision. Just try to ensure that the decision does not harm the people around you. There is a fine line here, but it is necessary to do this in order to feel within yourself that you too can make a decision and have your own real opinion.
8) The level of aspiration also affects self-esteem. If you set yourself too much high goals that cannot be realized in a relatively short time; prolonged unfulfillment can undermine your spirit, disappoint you and lower your self-esteem.
Set high goals and work towards them, but they must be realistically achievable in the near future..
Plan your goals, divide them into parts, having done one thing, move on to another. Having achieved your goal and become more confident and strong internally, set yourself a more significant goal.
9) How to increase self-esteem? Practice in front of a mirror, for both women and men.
True, this exercise is not suitable for everyone. If you feel severe discomfort, and this continues for 3-4 days each time, leave it, it’s just not your thing right now. A different approach will be needed here.
It all depends on the person’s perception and some points that I will no longer describe here.
When doing practice, treat yourself as your whole “I”, do not focus only on appearance, individual features, some thoughts or internal state. You are all together, one whole, and this is how you need to approach it.
The exercise can help a lot, but it takes time, because here you are programming yourself, your subconscious, and this is not so easy.
It is important to do the practice without straining, calmly and without fuss, without forcing yourself through gritted teeth, to say: “I love myself and.”
You must say this, even if at first not with love and without faith, but with ease for yourself, that is, without tension. It doesn't matter if you don't like something about your appearance. 
Repeat these words in front of the mirror for at least two minutes. It is better to do this in the morning, as soon as you get up, and your brain is not completely awake, not loaded with thoughts and is still clean, this will make it easier to accept information.
Smiling slightly, say to yourself: " I love and respect myself in both my successes and failures. I love myself in sickness and in health. I accept myself as I am with all the good and bad that is in me. I respect and love myself. I unique person, and I have my own strengths and talents, and there is no one completely similar to me, externally and internally. I respect and love myself regardless of my “shortcomings”. I appreciate and love as I am".
It’s very important here to just calmly tell yourself this, and not look closely at every little thing that you like or don’t like, and not get drawn into all sorts of unpleasant thoughts. You just have to tell yourself that and go.
10)
Make a list of what you can do and what you are good at.
.
Write everything that is true. Describe in detail your positive qualities (everyone has them), achievements and skills. After writing everything on a piece of paper, read it out loud. Try to read cheerfully and with feeling. If after finishing reading you feel pleasant emotions, it means everything worked out, and this is what we need to strive for.
You can spend 2-3 minutes on this at least once a day. Take one of your skills and describe it, then read it. The next day (or the day after) describe something else.
11) Take small steps towards what you want. Extra tension and exhaustion are completely useless. You feel that now you don’t want to do anything at all, you want to rest, rest, gain strength and energy.
How to raise self-esteem. Important point!
Don't wait until your self-esteem is stronger to decide on something, act little by little already right now.
The more you do something, the more you decide to take steps that are meaningful to you, the faster you will feel confident, and at the same time everything will begin to work out better and more calmly for you.
Nothing boosts self-esteem (confidence) like - stop self-criticism and take new actions!
Try to do more of what you enjoy. If now you have to go to a job you don’t like, then clearly define for yourself that you are doing this because now it is necessary and it benefits you, provides for your family, etc. That is, formulate a value in order to eliminate (weaken) the negative connotation of the situation, otherwise an unloved job will itself reduce your importance and self-esteem.
If you don’t like the job, you don’t need any drastic changes, continue working, but start looking for something that will be more to your liking, what you would like to do. Doing your favorite thing (hobby) has a very beneficial effect on inner satisfaction, self-esteem and life in general. Make your life more interesting!
I would like to draw your attention to the fact that in the process of working on yourself, pendulums can arise - this is when everything was good, and then suddenly it became bad. Treat such moments as temporary troubles. Just be calm during such periods!
The most difficult thing is to be patient and achieve the first noticeable success, and then it will be easier. As your self-esteem grows, your uniqueness begins to reveal itself, and new perspectives open up. You will be able to take more risks and be less dependent on others.
Finally: how to increase self-esteem?
You may feel anxious anywhere there are people, without realizing why you are so anxious. One of the reasons noted above is judgment. You are afraid of how you are perceived and what others may think of you, this comes from your unstable self-esteem.
Therefore, a small but important piece of advice - do not compare yourself to others and do not judge others. In comparison, you will still lose in something, somewhere, to someone, you are good and unique, so be who you are. Such evaluative thoughts always lead to anxiety and tension.
Do not judge others, because by judging, you consciously and unconsciously evaluate them, which means that within yourself you will always feel that they are evaluating you.
This manifests itself in the so-called mental phenomenon of “Mind Reading,” when you think that you know what other people are thinking about you. Moreover, what you think about yourself, you seem to “transfer” into their head, and it seems to you that this is exactly what they think about you.
By and large, all people have different ways of thinking, and we cannot know what others think about us, we can only guess. But what does it matter, if, for example, you think something bad about someone, he won’t care.
The same is true in your case - there is no point in worrying that someone might think something about you, this cannot in any way affect your success, peace of mind and happiness in general, unless you overwhelm yourself with some thoughts. Only with your thinking can you bring yourself to emotional stress, stress and bad mood. Remember this.
Having stopped judging people, the anxiety formed on evaluation and judgment will become weaker and weaker, and such thoughts will become less and less.
At any life situation, a person needs to believe in himself. For example, at work, at home among friends, or even when going on vacation, buying last-minute tours and relaxing on the beach, it’s not always possible to cope with your own self-esteem, from which in the end we may not get good result. But in fact, increasing your self-esteem is not difficult and quite possible, but it may take time.
A few tips will help with this:
1. Never compare yourself to others.
All people are different from each other and each has different qualities and abilities. And if you compare yourself with someone else, you can always find many opponents who will be impossible to surpass or achieve their results.
2. Never beat yourself up.
By expressing negativity about yourself and your abilities, it will be impossible to achieve any results. It’s better to praise yourself, even for the most insignificant action.
3. Thank you for the compliment addressed to you.
If you respond to a compliment with a phrase like: “nothing special,” then you psychologically deny praise and already in the subconscious concentrate on the thought that you are not worthy of being praised. And this, in turn, greatly underestimates self-esteem.
4. Boost your self-esteem with various affirmations.
Place the phrases in the most visible place: “I will succeed,” “I deserve the best in life,” “I love myself,” and the like. It may seem ridiculous at first, but over time you will notice as your self-esteem begins to rise.
5. Gather positive people around you.
Try to choose confident and positive people in your circle who can support you at any moment. In a negative environment, where you and your ideas will be suppressed, about high self-esteem and there is nothing to say.
6. Write a list of your achievements.
You can start the list with the simplest, and at first glance, trivial. You should not initially look for monumental achievements in your life. A small success is also a success. How to increase self-esteem? And you can start, for example, by learning to ride a bike, doing exercises every morning, etc. This list will need to be reviewed and re-read often and at the same time try to remember and feel the emotions that you experienced.
7. Write down all your positive qualities.
And you shouldn’t be too self-critical; on the contrary, a little flattery will only help you believe in yourself. Find in yourself at least 15 positive qualities. This list also needs to be read quite often.
8. If possible, do what you enjoy.
It is quite difficult to maintain a positive mood and high self-esteem when a person is engaged in least favorite thing and despises his job. You can only raise your self-esteem if you do something that brings you pleasure, makes you feel necessary and even valuable.
9. Stay true to yourself.
That is, live your life without basing or relying on the opinions of other people, no matter who these people are: family, friends or work colleagues. Only by making decisions on your own can you remain true to yourself and raise your level of self-esteem.
10. Act, act and act again!
And this is the most important advice. After all, sitting in one place will not change anything and will not be able to raise your self-esteem. In inaction due to fear or for another reason, a person begins to fall into apathy or depression, which will naturally lead to a decrease in self-esteem. And by acting, even with insignificant results at the beginning, you gradually improve your attitude towards yourself and increase your self-esteem.
Having high self-esteem is, of course, good, but achieving it is not so easy. Part of the problem is that this indicator is unstable: one day it can skyrocket, and the next it can drop to nowhere. The situation is even more complicated when we try to evaluate ourselves in specific areas of life (family, sports, work). For example, if dinner is not tasty enough, a chef will be much more upset than a person for whom cooking is not a hobby. important aspect his identity.
It is important to know when to stop: high self-esteem can make a person very vulnerable. He'll feel great most time, but any criticism will cause severe reaction. And this slows down a lot psychological development person.
If you are still very far from such problems and would like to increase your own self-esteem, then follow our advice.
1. Use affirmations correctly
Self-hypnosis formulas are very popular, but they have a significant drawback. They often make people with low self-esteem feel even worse. Why? When self-esteem is low, statements like “I will be a huge success!” strongly contradict a person’s inner beliefs.
Oddly enough, affirmations most often work for people who already have good self-esteem.
But how can you make them work for you if your self-esteem leaves much to be desired? Pronounce more believable formulas. For example, instead of “I will achieve great success!” Tell yourself, “I will try my best until I achieve what I want.”
2. Identify your areas of expertise and develop them
Self-esteem is based on actual achievements in those areas of life that are important to you. If you feel proud of yourself when you cook a delicious dinner, invite guests over often and treat them to something delicious. If you are a good runner, apply to run sports competition and get ready for it. Determine what areas you are competent in and look for opportunities to highlight them.
3. Learn to accept compliments
People with low self-esteem desperately need compliments, but at the same time do not know how to respond to them correctly.
Accept compliments even if they make you feel awkward.
The best way to avoid the knee-jerk reaction of denying all the good things people say about you is to prepare a simple set of responses and practice saying them automatically every time you receive a compliment. For example, say “Thank you!” or “That’s so nice of you.” Over time, the desire to deny compliments will disappear, and this is a clear indicator that your self-esteem is rising.
4. Stop criticizing yourself, be gentler
If you constantly criticize yourself, your self-esteem becomes even lower. To regain self-esteem, you need to replace criticism with self-compassion.
Every time you are unhappy with yourself, ask yourself what you would say in that situation. to the best friend. As a rule, we feel more compassion for our friends than for ourselves. But if you learn to encourage yourself in difficult circumstances, you can avoid lowering your self-esteem due to a critical attitude.
5. Convince yourself of your worth.
The following exercise will help you restore your self-esteem after it has been severely damaged.
Make a list of your qualities that are important in the context of the situation. For example, if you are refused a date, make a list of qualities that will help you create a good relationship(tolerance, caring, emotionality). If you were unable to get a promotion at work, indicate the traits that make you a valuable employee (responsibility, hard work, creativity). Then select one of the items on the list and briefly explain why you are proud of this quality and why it will be appreciated by others in the future.
Try this exercise once a week or whenever you need a boost to your self-esteem.
Low self-esteem can be compared to bad habit: a person understands that it bothers him, but it’s hard to get rid of it. The problem can be found in many people, so the question “how to increase self-esteem” remains relevant.
There are many ways to combat low self-esteem. The article contains rather non-trivial, yet highly effective methods. It’s also a good idea to familiarize yourself with them for those who have good self-esteem (for preventive purposes), and for some people the guide will be the first step to a fulfilling life.
Be able to face your fears
People with low self-esteem have had many situations, the mere thought of which causes panic. It could be a fear of speaking: suddenly someone will say an offensive phrase, another will criticize you to smithereens, a third will reject feelings... Some are even afraid to go out and meet people in order to avoid a potential “failure.” Fears must be fought, otherwise they can seriously ruin your life.
Of course, it is worth thinking sensibly and objectively assessing the risks. But most often the problems turn out to be far-fetched. Nothing bad will happen if a new acquaintance is not interested in communicating. It hurts to understand that sympathy is not mutual, but such feelings pass sooner or later. Moreover, if you are afraid to admit, you may not know that the other person is experiencing the same thing in return.
To become courageous, decisive and self-respecting, you need to take action. Few things can destroy self-esteem more than blindly believing in your own failure. After a series different situations understanding comes - not everything is as scary as it seemed initially, other people are not aggressive, are ready to communicate and are not going to criticize for trying to get along with them mutual language. The remaining problems also turn out to be frivolous and far-fetched. It is important not to stop after the first step, to continue towards your goal, rejecting fears.
Learn to say “no” and not feel guilty about it
The advice is far from new, but it really works. The most important part is to stop feeling guilty after rejection. Some people who have learned to say “no” cannot cope with it. There may be a feeling that by refusing a person is letting someone down, deceiving other people’s expectations. But first of all, you should focus on yourself. You can spend your whole life following the lead of others, not paying attention to your own negative feelings.
Another option is to strike a balance between doing for yourself and doing for others. For some cases you have to sacrifice something. However, meeting the expectations of everyone else, forgetting about yourself, means giving up a full, happy life for the sake of those who can take advantage of someone else’s reliability.
Cut off the ties that pull you to the bottom
This advice can be considered a continuation of the previous one. A person who has learned to say “no” to preserve his interests may hear unpleasant things addressed to himself. Friends who constantly asked for help will be perplexed why this time they are refused. If you do something for others for many years, they get used to it and “sit on your neck.” It is very convenient for them - there is always someone to whom they can shift some of the responsibilities.
For many girls, who are accustomed to wearing bright makeup even before going to the store, this turns out to be a difficulty. At first, the thought “how terrible I look” can’t leave my head. “Ugly” appearance without makeup is not an objective reality, but just a factor of unusualness. Seeing yourself in the mirror with makeup every day, and then getting used to it natural look– it’s difficult, but possible.
The girl realizes that she looks good without decorative cosmetics and may use it less often. In addition, it will be useful for the skin to take a break from heavy foundations, blush, mascara, etc. cosmetics. The same applies to hairstyles and not the most convenient wardrobe items.
On the Internet you can find advice on changing your image, choosing good clothes, and makeup. The advice itself does not bring anything bad, but it conceals hidden danger. If a person feels confident and only likes to look in the mirror when he is dressed smartly and has his hair perfectly combed, this still indicates problems with self-esteem.
You shouldn’t take everything literally and go to the other extreme - look untidy, throw out beautiful things, leaving only stretched out home clothes in the closet. In everything you need to know when to stop. A girl who wears heels or uncomfortable but beautiful underwear regularly will feel relief if she at least temporarily switches to more practical clothes, not causing discomfort. An even greater joy will be the realization that attractiveness, the feeling of being beautiful does not depend on clothes - it is an internal state.
Do not depend on compliments and criticism
Listening to what others have to say and building your self-esteem based on that is a dubious endeavor. You can often find people repeating the opinions of others. “A colleague said that red hair suits me better”, “a girl says that I look better without a beard”, “my mother is horrified by my new sweater, she advises me to buy a turtleneck”... It’s worth thinking about why people trust others more than their own sensations.
Where does the desire to never wear new comfortable things come from if someone grunts disapprovingly? A person who realizes that his comfort is important first of all will not worry about the fact that someone does not like him appearance, clothing or behavior. The point is not to protect yourself from criticism, which can be useful and help you progress, but to divide it into objective/subjective. If your boss criticizes an unfinished report, a friend says that your actions are hurting him, and your parents beg you to call at least once a month, you should probably listen and change your behavior. But annoying advice to change your hairstyle, image, or flattering compliments, on which a person literally depends, can be safely pushed into the background.
Be selfish
For some reason, it is believed that a person who knows his own worth and cares about his own happiness is incredibly selfish. If you take these measures, then it is worth being selfish. It is unlikely that a person loses anything when he decides to devote more time to himself, develop, limit himself from unpleasant contacts, and remove unnecessary things from life. But he gets a lot in return.
It is important to find time for yourself, value it and use it wisely, choose your own interests first, and spend resources on yourself. After such a kind of “therapy,” new strength appears, a desire to take care of others, but not to do it to the detriment of oneself.
Learn to perceive loneliness as a plus
One of the reasons for low self-esteem is a feeling of loneliness. When a person has few friends, no mate, a feeling of uselessness arises. But at the same time, loneliness can be turned to your advantage. You should not become a recluse, deliberately doing everything to protect yourself from others. The advantages of loneliness - a large number of time and free space, complete freedom of action. You can learn languages, dance in front of the mirror, getting rid of embarrassment, read books while lounging on your bed, watch any movies and listen to pop music at high volume.
The most important thing in this is the realization that loneliness is not necessarily boring, and that your own company unexpectedly turns out to be pleasant. Enjoying being alone with yourself is a huge step towards increasing self-esteem. The bonus is self-development and, no matter how trite it may sound, obtaining happiness from the freedom to choose leisure time.
Be prepared for new unusual sensations
Changing the way you perceive yourself inevitably leads to mixed feelings. Sometimes anger may appear: a person does not understand how for so many years he allowed others to dictate to him how to look, communicate, and act. We can say that in this case, anger is to a certain extent justified, just like bewilderment. Taking it out on others and trying to take revenge is a bad option.
It is important to realize that these emotions and feelings are inevitable, but they should not be thoughtlessly thrown out or suppressed. A person needs to comprehend the changes that have occurred and continue to improve his life. The next steps could be new acquaintances, hobbies, a change unloved job, serious conversations with loved ones, helping to understand each other.
Monitor your balance
Inflated self-esteem is also a negative phenomenon. You should not consider yourself the best, most beautiful and smartest on the planet, disdainfully treating other people. The goal of raising self-esteem is to accept oneself entirely, with all the shortcomings and advantages, harmonious and happy life. The above does not include self-affirmation at the expense of others, deification of the individual and opposition to the majority of people.
There is a big difference between adequate self-esteem and praising one’s qualities, boasting, and immoderate pride. Noticing attempts to rise above oneself, a person should nip them in the bud. In addition, often those who consider themselves better than others actually mask low self-esteem with the other extreme. Happy people do not need to increase their self-esteem by humiliating others.
Some tips seem difficult to implement, but are worth a try nonetheless. A person will not lose anything, but he can gain self-confidence. The main thing is to take your time and don’t give up if things don’t work out. Change is rarely lightning fast; everything needs its time. The main friends on the path to change are persistence, determination and awareness of the desire to make life better.
People are not born with high self-esteem– they become like this when surrounded by society!
Without confidence and positive attitude It is difficult to maintain a decent level in all areas of life. How the level of self-esteem affects a person’s personality, why lack of confidence leads to depression, poverty, devastation.
If you or someone you know is facing this problem, then it’s time to find out:
- What is self-esteem and its direct impact on our lives?
- What are the causes of low self-esteem? hereditary factor, the influence of society and so on.
- How to develop courage and self-confidence, love your appearance, work activity, and surround yourself with people who will help create a favorable aura for a happy existence?
- What affirmations for increasing self-esteem will be the most effective, and how to pronounce them correctly in order to get the desired result?
Definition of self-esteem - how it affects our lives
To become successful in various industries, you need to be confident in your words and actions, be able to withstand a problematic situation, not give up, but move forward, shaping your happy present and future.
People with insufficient confidence in their capabilities subconsciously give in to others in all areas of life, and in order to change their position in society, they need to change themselves. This is why it is so important to combat low self-esteem by increasing your confidence and thinking in a positive way.
There are people who do not allow wealth, success, and happiness into their lives, because their negative beliefs and thoughts create a certain information block that inhibits the reception of a signal from the Universe.
That’s why psychologists say that you need to live and think like little children who are never shy, behave naturally, don’t think badly about themselves, don’t have complexes, because such inclinations are inherent in nature, and only we, due to our distorted perception of reality, do it's the other way around.
Such factors that influence the self-esteem of the subconscious mind prevent us from getting what we want, finding success in our actions, becoming decisive and tuning in to a positive wave.
Causes of low self-esteem
Psychologists argue that self-assessment of the direction of contact is a fair assessment of one’s abilities. Low self-esteem leads to doubts; people think for a long time about making a decision, which does not always lead to a positive result.
At the same time, too high leads to the creation of numerous errors for which a person is not responsible, and sometimes does not understand what happened and why it is his fault.
Why does low self-esteem occur?
- The parental home influences the formation of character; incorrect attitudes of the mother and father prevent the child from expressing himself effectively in the future.
- Various failures in life lead to a decrease in personal activity and confidence in one’s actions; this is the main reaction, from a psychological point of view, to retreat in order to avoid subsequent mistakes in the future. But is this right?
- Laziness and lack of discipline destroy self-confidence; a person has no desire to move on, develop, gain confidence and success.
In most cases, we underestimate our capabilities and fail to realize the power of our thoughts and aspirations. How to regain self-confidence and gain satisfaction, feel happy and change your life for the better? 
How to get rid of low self-esteem?
You can raise your self-esteem different methods, conduct meditation for self-confidence, read specialized literature, attend lectures by qualified specialists, and simply live - gaining confidence in your everyday actions and actions.
Top 10 tips on how to develop self-confidence for men and women
- You need to give up negative criticism and self-criticism, avoid communicating with people who are trying to impose their point of view, which contributes to a decrease in self-esteem and does not allow you to build your own tactics of behavior in society.
- Stop destroying your self-consciousness with negative attitudes, because thoughts create the future and your subconscious is formed from their character. Only with positive ideas about the world can you increase your own self-esteem. At the same time, you shouldn’t blame yourself all the time and make excuses for what you’ve done - yes, I’m to blame, but I’ll improve, that’s all!
- It is necessary to create a community of positively minded people around you who are confident in their words and actions; your self-esteem directly depends on this. Love yourself, your activities, find the meaning of life, enjoy every day you live!
- Plan the future yourself, set goals and achieve them, gaining self-confidence. Don’t put off important things until tomorrow, renounce laziness, and be patient with yourself.
- Stop feeling sorry for yourself and others, if you can help others - do it, but do not join this negative wave of sympathy and pity, this will only make you worse.
- Don't be arrogant, ask for help, interact with the world around you.
- How to believe in yourself and increase self-esteem - accept the statement that all difficulties and problems make us stronger if we persistently overcome them, and do not resist. Such shocks will significantly increase your self-esteem.
- Be grateful for what you have (material, spiritual, people whom we try to appropriate for ourselves, etc.). Everything disappears sooner or later, you need to learn to let go and not get hung up on possession, because any loss with the wrong approach can weaken the personality.
- What to do with low self-esteem - remove forever the influence of fear on your life. This is the main destroyer of self-confidence and one’s actions. Everyone should try to do things that cause fear, but at the same time not be heroic and not create conditions for unjustified risk.
- Love yourself, your life, the people around you, the Lord and completely trust him with your secrets.
Attention: to build confidence in professional level you can attend auto-training to increase self-esteem, take psychological test, which will help you determine the influence of thoughts and the world around you on your life.
There is no need to compare yourself with others, each person is individual, “doomed” to success and defeat. A low self-esteem in men and women it leads to doubts in one’s own strengths and sows collapse in the expectation of beauty.
Important: be active in everything, try to realize yourself in many areas of activity, study foreign languages, read intellectual literature. Take care of your health, do not develop diseases, get rid of bad habits.
How much you value yourself, is how much you get, and therefore it is important to fight low self-esteem, increase confidence in your actions, thoughts and words, not depend on the opinions of others, be honest and truthful about your life!
How to increase a woman's confidence?
Many women find it difficult to arrange their personal life, and all because they don’t know how to fight for their sympathy, how to get rid of uncertainty and doubts. The female sex is more emotional than the male sex, and therefore they tend to have complexes about their shortcomings.
Nice ladies to please opposite sex you need to love yourself in all its manifestations, find relief from the painful past and learn to live in the present and future.
Don’t forget to take care of yourself, play sports, visit beauty salons, sign up for fitness or yoga. Such activities will help you look at life differently and gain new colors in your relationship with a man.
It is especially important to raise self-esteem after breaking up with a loved one, especially if there has been betrayal on his part. You shouldn’t get hung up on the idea that she was better than you, men are always looking for variety, for them sex is a passion, not a serious relationship.
How to increase a man's self-esteem?
- it is important to develop intellectual abilities, read more literature, communicate with smart people, do not stop there;
- visit regularly GYM's, you can practice swimming, basketball, football, this will help get rid of depression, increase self-esteem, and allow you to find a beautiful body;
- you need to find your hobby, open up to the fullest, do everything from the heart and enjoy life.
The main thing is to find your purpose, love and create for the people you want, never give up and move forward with your head held high! Only those who know exactly what they want from life are successful and purposeful!
Powerful affirmations on the path to success
Now you know what low self-esteem is and how to deal with it in order to improve your quality of life. Psychologists advise listening to and saying affirmations daily, as one of the effective ways reprogramming your consciousness.
Affirmative statements can raise male and female self-esteem, improve careers, family relationships, contribute to a change in the subconscious, make us confident and purposeful.
Typical wording:
- “I get everything I want from life!”
- “I believe in myself and my strengths and beliefs!”
- “Everything is fine with me, I achieve my goals without any difficulties!”
Everyone needs to say such phrases before going to bed and after waking up, scrolling through them in their heads, believing in the power of such formulations, this is the only way to raise your self-esteem and get results in the near future.
Additionally, you can sign up to attend a training to develop self-confidence, take a self-esteem test, and identify the signs that drag you down and deprive you of peace of mind, leading to the development of depression.
Learning from the “example” of public figures
Very often, people resort to alcohol, drugs, and antidepressants to increase self-esteem and self-confidence, but this is a road to nowhere, which most often leads to collapse and death.
A striking example of this is Marilyn Monroe, yes, she was a bright, stylish, sought-after person, but left alone with her experiences, she abused alcohol and drugs, trying to find confidence in the future. The cause of her death is still a mystery to society.
Another example of life failures is Robert Downey Jr., known as Iron Man, he long years suffered from drug addiction, but only after active rehabilitation and a fundamental change in his inner self was he able to gain self-confidence and get rid of the bad habit.
Radical changes are something that rapidly influences our lives, eliminates inadequate criticism, allows us to correctly assess our own capabilities and talents, and confidently enter into a new and bright life!
What is your self-esteem? Pay attention to Veronica Stepanova's video and let your life change for the better! Work on yourself and be happy!
