In this article, you will learn how self-criticism lowers self-esteem and how to overcome it with the simple 4 Magic Words practice.
The main reason for low self-esteem
The main reason for low self-esteem is constant self-criticism. We do not notice how we constantly scold ourselves in our head. We regularly remind ourselves of the mistakes and mistakes that we have made in the past. We get memories of mistakes from memory shelves, dust them off and polish them to a shine. They are reminders of personal imperfection. We do not notice how everyday self-criticism alienates us from how we ourselves put a spoke in wheels, stopping ourselves on the way to our own goals and desires.
How does constant self-criticism lead to a decrease in confidence and frustrate plans?
Self-criticism is born of criticism. First, we are scolded by other people, and then we learn to scold ourselves. And it becomes a part of us so much that we stop noticing how we do it. This flood of self-criticism influences one's self-perception. Gradually, we become so used to the feeling of our own insignificance that we expect the same attitude from others. We are afraid that other people will notice mistakes and criticize us. Therefore, we try our best to look perfect and avoid possible mistakes.
The risk of errors increases when we embark on new and unfamiliar activities. Therefore, plans and goals related to life changes are postponed "until Monday." This includes what is called "guarding behavior". We try not to get into a stupid situation and worsen an already low opinion of ourselves. Therefore, we pull the rubber or, to put it more fashionably, procrastinate. A subconscious rule works here that it is better to do nothing than to do and make a mistake.
An example of defensive behavior is fear of public speaking. A person who has such a fear will try with all his might to avoid any situations associated with communication in front of a large number of people. In fact, people are not afraid of performing, but that they may be wrong and will be ridiculed by other people. The psyche blocks the opportunity to be in uncomfortable situation with the help of protective behavior.
Neurophysiologists have found that a person is driven by 2 forces: the desire to gain and the fear of loss. And fear is stronger. We may have a desire to become famous inside, but having intense fear and protective behavior will block any of our results.
When we long for something, but do nothing to achieve the result, we start scolding yourself for indecision, laziness, and regularpostponement. As a result, the situation is closed. The more often we scold ourselves, the greater the fear of error. And the more we are afraid of making a mistake, the moremore difficult to make changes. The vicious circle is complete.
Graphically, this self-esteem vicious circle looks like this:
Remember how much you promised yourself:
- stick to a healthy diet
- go to the gym or exercise regularly
- ask for a raise
- clarify the relationship with a partner
- do what you have dreamed of for a long time
- open your own business
- increase the price of your services
- finally start ...
How many of these points of the plan have been completed?
Perhaps the reason for this is self-criticism and low self-esteem ().
What are 4 words that will boost your self-esteem?
What words and phrases will help boost your self-esteem?
Phrase number 1. I allow myself to be ...
Phrase number 2. I allow myself to be wrong.
How to apply it?
When you find yourself thinking negatively about yourself, change your thought by adding the "magic" 4 words.
For example, you think about yourself:
- I'm weak
- I am shy
- I look bad
- i allow myself to be weak
- i allow myself to be shy
- i allow myself to be lazy
- i let myself look bad
Do you think others will think of you:
- he is stupid
- she is strange
- he is slow
- she is angry
- i allow myself to be stupid
- i let myself be weird
- I allow myself to be slow
- i allow myself to be angry
Why does it work?
In childhood, the adults who are significant to us taught us that we have no right to be weak, lazy, stupid (here substitute the words that we heard addressed to us). We were criticized, shouted at, physically abused. We were taught that we should be what others want us to be. Then, as a child, we felt fear, shrank, stopped breathing. We were rejected, refused, we were not recognized. To some extent, we experienced a little death. We decided to hide a part of ourselves so deeply that we even forgot that it existed.
Conduct an experiment... Say mentally several times "I forbid myself ..." and add any word that is relevant to you. And catch those sensations that appear in your body and breath. How do you react to this phrase?
Then change the phrase to "I allow myself to be." And note the difference. What changes have occurred?
When we allow ourselves to be, we stop denying ourselves. We begin to accept ourselves as different. We are moving towards life. The very phrase "I allow myself to be" recognizes our right to life. She gives freedom ...
When we use these phrases, we simultaneously act on several links in the vicious circle of self-criticism and break it.
Why don't the attempts to suggest the opposite work?
There are techniques where you need to convince yourself that you are strong, smart, courageous, etc. They do not work or have a short-term effect. Why? Because every person has formed an opinion about himself for years. And if you instill something that does not correspond to this opinion, the psyche will reject this suggestion.
When criticism is present, there are two sides: the critic and the criticized. And even if we scold ourselves, we are divided into a parental part and a child part, between which there is a constant conflict. Aren't you tired of this raspy voice in your head, which indicates how to lead and keeps you in a vice? And if you are ready to get out of this conflict, weaken self-criticism and increase self-esteem, then use the "4 words" practice.
We are no longer children. There is no one else who stands over us and shows us how to live. It's time to retire the “inner critic” and finally breathe a sigh of relief and feel the freedom and taste of life.
I invite you to do the following:
1. Use the 4 word practice and see what results it brings to you.
2. Necessarily (you are interested in pumping your confidence to the fullest?).
3. Write in the comments your experience with the “4 Words” practice or ask questions about the practice.
4. Do not forget to understand whether you need to work with her.
Very often in our life there are moments when we seem to be powerless to do anything and prefer to give up. Sometimes women go to great lengths to win the attention of men, forgetting about the most important thing - love and respect for themselves. Often, many people of both sexes forget about their uniqueness and originality, and create a whole ball of complexes around them.
Do you think such situations have never happened to great people? We will most likely make the mistake of saying no. It's just that these people, men and women, were able to understand what the real values of life and love are. And fortunately, they shared their wisdom with us. Reading the greatest statements, and you cannot call them otherwise, celebrities: politicians, actors, fashion designers, you involuntarily begin to think about the meaning of life and look at the world differently. Everyone we talk about today will forever remain in history. Great women are our inspiration.
Margaret Thatcher's greatest sayings
This woman is admired equally by both sexes. Agree, the first female prime minister of Great Britain is not bad at all. "Iron Lady", as her contemporaries called her, created herself from scratch. At the beginning of her career, Margaret Thatcher was by no means as domineering and firm in her position as we used to think. She was afraid to appear in public, spoke in a squeaky voice. And only the willpower and character of this extraordinary person helped her achieve extraordinary heights. What did the "iron lady" teach us?
Margaret ThatcherFamous quotes by Margaret Thatcher
- The only way to climb the top of the stairs is to climb step by step, one at a time. And in the process of this ascent, you will suddenly find in yourself all necessary qualities skills and abilities needed to achieve success that you seem to have never possessed.
- I won't say that I was lucky - I just deserved it.
- The rooster may crow well, but the hen is still laying the eggs.
- If a woman shows character, they say about her: "Harmful woman." If a man shows character, they say about him: "He is a good guy."
- Always make eye contact! Then people will remember you.
- One should not shamelessly lie; but sometimes evasiveness is necessary.
- Free cheese only comes in a mousetrap.
- It is not at all necessary to agree with the interlocutor in order to find a common language with him.
- All men are weak, and gentlemen are the weakest of all.
- The passion for victory burns in each of us. The will to win is a matter of training. The way to win is a matter of honor.
- He is so silent that he wants to undress.
- Any woman who understands the challenges of running a home can understand the challenges of running a country.
- An engineer is a person who can explain how a particular device works, but cannot explain why it does not work.
- Politeness today is appreciated more and more, impudence has no price at all.
- The house should be the center, but not the border of the woman's world.
- I am extremely patient if it ends up turning out my way.
- It is impossible to understand everyone if you do not listen to everyone.
- If you are only determined to be liked by someone, you must be willing to compromise on any issue at any time - and you will never achieve anything.
Sophia Loren's greatest sayings
Sophia Loren is an Italian film star who has conquered the whole world and all men's hearts. The actress knew that the secret of her success lies not only in the beauty that can be created using modern cosmetic techniques, but in her the inner world and beliefs. Confidence and self-love are the main qualities that any person should have, regardless of gender.
Sophia Loren Quotes
- It's hard to be irresistible if you're lazy.
- A woman who is firmly confident in her beauty will eventually be able to convince everyone else of her.
- Mistakes are part of the payback for an eventful life.
- A woman who does not love her man's shortcomings does not love him either.
- A mother should think twice - once for herself, the other for her child.
- A man's fantasy is a woman's best weapon.
- Charm is an invisible part of beauty, without which no one can look truly beautiful.
- Beauty is a sense of self, and it is reflected in your eyes. This is not a physical phenomenon.
- Can not be beautiful eyes who have never cried.
- No matter how beautiful a woman is, without charm her beauty fades.
- Men celebrate clever women, beautiful women are “snatched from the crowd” with their eyes, and only charming women are not forgotten.
- Good looks aren't everything, but add charm and the world is at your feet.
- There is no better love potion than regular coffee made with your own hands. When a man tastes it, he will not go anywhere.
- If your body is far from perfect, the skin is not as transparent as it would be if you vertically challenged- this is not a tragedy. Beauty has other mechanisms; it comes from other sources.
Coco Chanel's greatest sayings
Coco Chanel is a real phenomenon in the fashion world. Not everyone knows that the famous couturier did not spend her childhood in a luxurious apartment with servants and everything necessary. Coco Gabriela grew up in a very poor family. Mother and father could not feed the girl, making ends meet, and therefore decided to send her to a boarding school. After the death of her mother, 12-year-old Coco was admitted to a Catholic convent, where she had to wear a uniform for many years. But even then she dreamed of all those things that women with prosperity had: beautiful clothes, a house and opportunities. Despite all the hardships and obstacles, Coco Chanel was able to build her life according to her script. Greatest sayings of the designer in the most accurate way reflect the train of thought of the fashion guru in achieving success.
Coco Chanel quotes
- Everything is in our hands, so they can not be omitted.
- If you were born without wings, don't try to stop them from growing.
- Don't waste your time banging the wall, hoping to make a door out of it.
- Fate has no reason to bring outsiders together without reason.
- There are no ugly women, there are lazy women.
- Hands are the girl's calling card; neck - her passport; chest - passport.
- The worse a girl is doing, the better she should look.
- The most important thing to do is to think about yourself. Publicly.
- Restraining yourself when it hurts, and not making scenes when it hurts - that's what the ideal woman is.
- You cannot have two fates at the same time - the fate of an unbridled fool and a moderate sage. You can't stand the nightlife and be able to create something during the day. You cannot afford food and alcohol that destroy the body, and yet hope to have a body that functions with minimal destruction. A candle that burns at both ends can, of course, spread the brightest light, but the darkness that follows will be long.
- Modesty and luxury are two sisters.
- Silly women try to impress men by dressing eccentrically. And men are scared, they hate eccentricity. They like it when they look back at their women because they are beautiful.
- Our homes are our prisons; but we will find freedom in them if we can decorate them at our discretion.
- You can still get used to ugliness, never to sloppiness!
- A man capable of actions is doomed to be loved!
- Self-care should start with the heart, otherwise no cosmetics will help.
- A woman worries about the future until she gets married. A man doesn't worry about the future until he gets married.
- If a woman is cheating, there is no need to look for reasonable reasons here: the whole point is not in reason, but in feelings.
- You won't get a second chance to make a first impression.
- After fifty, the days are already counting!
- The best thing about love is doing it.
- To be irreplaceable, you need to change all the time.
- At 20 your face is given to you by nature, at 30 life molds it, but at 50 you have to deserve it yourself ... Nothing ages so much as the desire to be young. After 50 no one is young anymore. But I know 50 year olds who are more attractive than three quarters of poorly groomed young women.
Before you - quotes, aphorisms and witty sayings about self-esteem... This is quite an interesting and extraordinary collection of the most real "pearls of wisdom" on this topic. Here you can find entertaining witticisms and sayings, clever thoughts of philosophers and apt phrases of masters of the spoken genre, brilliant words of great thinkers and original statuses from social networks, as well as much more ...
As an additional bonus, you can get acquainted with the promotions and offers of leading perfumery retailers, as well as choose a fashionable wardrobe and exclusive accessories to your favorite fragrances ...
Actors who cannot play believe in themselves; and bankrupts.
Gilbert Chesterton.
Beating yourself in the chest was invented in order to remove another part of the body from under the blow.
Cyprian Chernik.
To be generous means to give more than you can; being proud means taking less than you need to.
Kahlil Gibran.
In a sense, each person is what he thinks of himself.
Francis Bradley.
In undeveloped societies, the greatest passions are power, money and women; in the developed world - money, power and crosswords.
Maxim Zvonarev.
You can be proud of everyone, even the lack of pride, how you can become stupid from everything, even from your own mind.
Vasily Klyuchevsky.
All self-criticism is hidden praise. We scold ourselves just to show our impartiality.
Samuel Johnson.
You have no idea how low I think of myself - and to what extent this opinion is undeserved.
William Gilbert.
Newspapers, according to their wisdom, offer readers to solve crossword puzzles, just as the church, with its infinite foresight, ordered believers to sort out the rosary. Both are excellent medicine with the help of which a person gets rid of obsessive thoughts, heavy thoughts and reflection - the worst of torture.
André Maurois.
Pride is a luxury that a woman in love cannot afford.
Claire Luce.
Pride, as it were, adds to the growth of people, vanity only inflates them.
Nicola Chamfort.
Those who are proud of their humility are proud that they are not proud.
Robert Barton.
Even when paralysis breaks down, I will criticize someone else's gait.
Jules Renard.
Pretend to respect yourself and you will be respected.
Alexander Dumas is the father.
If you do not value yourself highly, the world will not offer you a penny more.
Sonya Henie.
If a man says, “This is a stupid crossword puzzle,” then this is a crossword puzzle that his wife has completely solved.
"2nd Epperson's Law"
If we are not respected, we are severely insulted; but deep down, no one really respects themselves.
Mark Twain.
There are three categories of people: arrogant, proud, and others. I've never met anyone else.
Auguste Detef.
Constructive criticism: when I criticize you. Destructive criticism: when you criticize me.
Any fool can criticize, and many of them do just that.
Cyril Garbett.
Modesty may be false, but pride is not.
Jules Renard.
The best way to criticize someone else's work is to make it better.
People think they are better when they are better.
Miroslav Zhulavsky.
We scold ourselves only to be praised.
Francois La Rochefoucauld.
We believe only in those who believe in themselves.
Talleyrand.
We would not seek universal respect so much if we knew firmly that we were worthy of it.
Luc de Vauvenargue.
We are wrong only twice: when we evaluate ourselves and when we evaluate others.
Leonid Baltsan.
We stop punching ourselves in the chest as soon as there is an opportunity to punch someone else.
Robert Karpacz.
Crossword.
It is a lie that the newspapers have disaccustomed us to thinking. Don't they publish crossword puzzles.
Gabriel Laub.
We judge ourselves by what we are able to achieve; others judge us by what we have achieved.
Henry Longfellow.
How clearly people understand their mistakes is evident from the fact that, when talking about their behavior, they always know how to present it in a noble light.
Francois La Rochefoucauld.
It is not necessary to stoop to rudeness in self-criticism.
V. Usachev.
Losers believe in luck; lucky people believe in themselves.
Alfred Daniel-Brunet.
No one would ever do anything if they first refuted all objections.
Samuel Johnson.
It is dangerous to underestimate a person who overestimates himself.
Franklin Roosevelt.
Optimist: a person who fills in a crossword puzzle with ink.
Clement Shorter.
Pashkov's postulates:
1. In each crossword puzzle, three words remain unsolved.
2. If you have guessed these three words, then three other words have been misunderstood.
Dmitry Pashkov.
From the very phrase, it becomes clear that self-esteem is your judgment about yourself. How important you are to yourself and how important you think you are to the world around you. And this is, first of all, self-love. There are healthy self-esteem, bloated and low self-esteem. By the way, you can read more about self-esteem and how to “improve” it on the pages of our website in the “Self-confidence” section. Well, now I would like to present you with statements about self-esteem from famous historical figures.
Self-Esteem Quotes and Phrases:
- 1) Be content with yourself when you seem to be who you really are.
Marcus Aurelius - 2) To establish true dignity, we must focus on our successes and forget about the failures and negativity in our lives.
Denis Whateley - 3) Self-esteem is the reputation we gain with ourselves.
Nathaniel Branden - 4) Self-worth is the strongest factor in a thriving consciousness: believe you can do it, believe you deserve it, believe you will get it.
Jerry Gillies - 5) Self-esteem is not everything, it is just something without which there is nothing.
Gloria Steinem - 6) I'm afraid to show you who I really am, because if I show you who I really am, you might not like it, and that's all I am.
Sabrina Ward Harrison - 7) I looked in the mirror and felt ashamed, now, I look in the mirror, and I love myself very much.
Drew Barrymore - 8) Nothing boosts self-esteem and self-confidence like achievement.
Thomas Carlisle - 9) You personally, as far as possible in the entire universe, deserve love and affection.
Buddha - 10) Outstanding leaders find a way to increase the self-esteem of their staff. When people believe in themselves, it is surprising what they can achieve.
Sam Walton - 11) The golden opportunity you are looking for is in you. Not in your environment, not in luck or chance, or helping others, it is only in you.
Orison Swett Marden - 12) My mom raised me so wonderfully. She gave me self-respect and made me appreciate my flaws as well as my strengths.
Kirsten Dunst - 13) Loving yourself means starting a life-long romance.
Oscar Wilde - 14) Psychological freedom, a strong sense of self-worth, this is the most powerful weapon against a long night of physical slavery.
Martin Luther King Jr. - 15) Most people with low self-esteem deserve it.
George Carlin - 16) You really need to look inside yourself, find your inner strength and say, "I am proud of what I am and who I am, and I just want to be myself."
Maria Carey - 17) Don't think of yourself as irreplaceable and infallible. As Charles de Gaulle said, the world's cemeteries are full of irreplaceable people.
Donald Rumsfeld - 18) Your chances of success in any endeavor will always be measured by your belief in yourself.
Robert Collier - 19) There is overwhelming evidence that the higher your level of self-esteem, the more likely you will be able to treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity.
Nathaniel Branden - 20) I have never loved another person as much as I loved myself.
Mae West - 21) The strongest magnifying glass in the world is a person's own eyes when they look at their own person.
Alexander Pope - 22) Whatever you do, love yourself for it. Whatever you feel, love yourself for feeling it.
Tadeusz Golas - 23) In my time, we had no self-esteem, we had a sense of self-esteem, and no more than we deserved.
Jane Haddam - 24) In a dream I am a king, but when I wake up, it is not so important.
William Shakespeare - 25) Does anyone else really think they didn't get what they wanted because they didn't have the talent or the strength or the stamina or the commitment?
Nelson Mandela - 26) Have patience with all things, but mostly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage when considering your imperfections, but immediately begin to eliminate them - start anew every day.
St. Francis de Sales - 27) Confidence is a long-growing plant, especially in infancy.
Samuel Johnson - 28) If you do not love yourself very well, it will be difficult for you to love someone else, as you will be indignant at how much time and energy you give to another person, how much you don’t give even to yourself.
Barbara De Angelis - 29) Dedicate yourself to the good you deserve and desire for yourself. Give yourself peace of mind... You deserve to be happy. You are admirable.
Hannah Arendt - 30) Every act of conscious learning requires a willingness to sacrifice your self-worth. This is why young children learn so easily, before they realize their sense of their own worth ...
Thomas S. Szasz - 31) I care not so much about who I am to others, but who I am to myself. I will be rich by being myself, not by borrowing.
Michel de Montaigne - 32) The one who despises himself continues to honor the one who despises in himself.
Friedrich Nietzsche
