I think they made the right decision. When to use intuition? What determines decision-making in a difficult situation

How to make a decision if in doubt? This is a very important question. After all, our whole life is actually a string of decisions made for the simplest and most difficult issues... And it depends on each previous decision what new questions life will put before us and what opportunities will open before us. It is strange that the school spent so much time on trigonometry, but did not give any instructions on such an important issue ...

I have some faithful helpers- proven techniques that have helped me out many times and helped me to accept correct solution... I learned some of the techniques at trainings on personal growth, some - from the works of great philosophers, and some prompted me ... my grandmother.

Sometimes it gets a little scary how much even the simplest decision can change our destiny... Here's a real-life example:

The girl was invited to a party in the middle of the week. She thought to go or not go. Tired after work. Plus an important presentation tomorrow morning. Still DECIDED to go. And as a result, I met my love. She got married, gave birth to her beloved children. She found her happiness and often asks herself the question of what her fate would be if she had not gone to that party.

So it depends on each of our decisions, even the smallest, what will be the continuation of the scenario of our life.

In this context, I like the movie starring Jim Carrey. Always say yes" If suddenly you have not seen this film, I strongly advise you to watch it. Few people know that the comedy is based on the biographical book of the British writer Danny Wallace, who for 6 months only answered "YES" to all proposals. The writer even starred in the film in a bachelorette party scene in a cameo role.

So, back to our main question: "How to make the right decision when in doubt?".

1st method "Intuition".

All subsequent techniques are very important, but in no case should the role of intuition be belittled. You noticed that more often than not we immediately know, we feel how to act. I, for example, I say to myself: “Listen. What does your stomach tell you? " You need to listen to your inner voice. But if that doesn't work, I use a few simple and proven techniques.

In fact, it is folk wisdom, which is the quintessence of the experience of many previous generations our ancestors. For thousands of years, they have noticed certain causes and effects. And they passed this knowledge from generation to generation. So, my grandmother told me, if in doubt, you don't know what decision to make, ask for advice from 2 closest people... Grandma said that through them the Angels tell you the best solution for you.

This method can to some extent be called a consequence of the previous method: if your Angel cannot reach you with the right decision through intuition, then he transfers it through the people closest to you.

3rd technique "Descartes' square for decision making."

The essence of this simple technique is that a problem or issue needs to be considered from 4 different angles. After all, we often get stuck on one question: what will happen if THIS HAPPENS? Or, what do I get if I DO IT? But you need to ask yourself not 1, but 4 questions:

What will, if this will happen? (pluses from this).
What will, if this NOT will happen ? (the pros of not receiving this).
What Will not, if this will happen? (cons of this).
What Will not, if this Will NOT happen? (cons of not receiving this).

To make it clearer, you can ask questions in a slightly different way:

4th method "Expansion of choice".

This is a very important technique. Often we get stuck on only one choice "YES or NO", "Do or Do not" and in our persistence forget to consider all the other options. For example, whether to buy this particular car on credit or not. If not, keep taking the metro. Because we only focus on the “YES or NO” option, we forget about the other options. For example, buying an inexpensive car could be an alternative to taking the subway. And no longer on credit.

5th technique Jose Silva "Glass of water".

This is an amazing, effective, working technique. Its author José Silva, who became famous in the world for the Silva Method developed by him- complex psychological exercises... The exercise should be done like this. Before going to bed, take a glass of water with clean, not boiled with both hands (you can take mineral water), close your eyes and formulate a question that requires a solution. Then drink about half of the water in small sips, repeating to yourself something like this: "This is all I need to do in order to find the right solution." Open your eyes, put a glass of the remaining water near the bed and go to bed. Drink water in the morning and thank you for the right decision. The solution may clearly "come" immediately in the morning after waking up, or it may dawn in the middle of the day. The decision will come, like a flash, and it will become perfect, it is not clear how one could doubt it. Here it is, the right decision.

6th methodology "Stick to your basic priorities"

The technique is based on the ideas of philosophers Ancient Greece... "Ataraxia" is equanimity, calmness. It is achieved when a person correctly distributes the value system. Indeed, most often a person is restless and suffers from the fact that he does not receive what he wants.

The key to realizing happiness is very simple: you need to rejoice in what you have, and not desire what you cannot have! (Aldous Huxley)

The wise Greeks distributed the IMPORTANCE of values and their basic priorities as follows:

Natural and natural values like, water and food.
Natural values, but not entirely natural dictated by the sociality of all people, for example, the value of having higher education and other similar stereotyped values. Most of these values can be liberated.
Values are not natural and not natural... This is fame, success, honor, wealth. This is the opinion of others, condemnation from the outside. Or, conversely, excessive praise. You can easily say goodbye to these values!

So, when you want to get something when making a decision, analyze according to the above classification, whether you really need it or they are not natural and not natural values imposed on you by stereotypes of society. Do not think about what others will think, but at the same time be sure that your decision will not harm anyone.

7th technique "Wait".

When making important and long-term solutions are important to get rid of emotions... For example, in relationships with loved ones or if you want to change jobs, but are afraid of changes.

Sometimes, in order to make the right decision, you just have to wait. You know that impulsive desires are often difficult to deal with. At the same time, if you wait a little, the desire may disappear by itself. And what seemed to be the primary necessity yesterday, today seems completely unnecessary. No wonder they say: "You need to sleep with this thought."

To get rid of emotions, you can use an exercise called "10/10/10". It is necessary to answer the question "How will I react to this in 10 hours / 10 months / 10 years?"

Summary.

You got the answer to the question, how to make a decision when in doubt? And now you have to make your choice. When making a decision, it is important:

disable emotions;
listen to intuition;
ask for advice from 2 closest people;
consider other options, expand the choice;
evaluate all the PROS and CONS on the issues of the Descartes Square;
assess whether the decision is in conflict with your basic principles;
if possible, postpone the decision, wait, “sleep with this thought” using the “Glass of Water” technique.

Under all other circumstances, always be confident in yourself and in your dream, don't give up, be optimistic... Do not think about what others will think, but at the same time, your decision will be correct only when, after making it, you will have peace of mind and you will be sure that you do not harm anyone and do not go against your principles.

Do not be afraid, make your decision, even if it turns out to be wrong, because “No one stumbles while lying in bed” (Japanese wisdom)!

I wish you inspiration and a lot of strength for all your plans and decisions!

The philosopher Jean Buridan lived in France in the XIV century. He composed a lot. But the descendants remembered his parable about a donkey that died of hunger due to the fact that from two identical armfuls of hay he could not choose the one with which it was better to start. Do we also look like donkeys when we are trying to make an important decision?

Our expert - psychologist Marianna Gorskaya.

From early childhood until the end of our days, we are forced to live in a state of constant choice. What to wear: a blue dress or a red one? Which fan do you prefer: reliable or witty? Where to go to study: in prestigious university or where it is easier? Which job to choose: profitable or interesting? And so - in everything. How you don't want to make a mistake when the choice concerns really significant things!

A million torment

The easiest way in this regard is fatalists and do not care. You swim to yourself at the behest of the waves - where fate will steer, and you don't know the trouble. What kind of dress hangs closer - then you need to put on. Who of the suitors will be more persistent - for that and get married. Which of the employers will show the greatest interest - that will get it. People with developed intuition also have a good life, as well as those who consider themselves such, and therefore are convinced that their choice is always infallible. Everyone else suffers, doubts, despairs and wonders how global solutions accept, relying on ephemeral intuition or the blind will of fate! However, it is in this, condemned by many, approach, according to psychologists, that there is often a great life wisdom. After all, all the options for the possible development of events cannot be calculated, so sometimes it is better to just trust your sixth sense, or even rely on Russian at best. And then act according to the circumstances.

But before you take the final step, it would be nice to weigh everything properly. And only if, after much thought, the answer never came by itself - then you can use your intuition or take risks.

Comprehensive approach

There's a lot rational methods decision making. For example, there is a well-known psychological reception: write down on a sheet of paper in two columns the pros and cons of one or another choice, and then, by simple mathematical calculation, decide which one is more profitable. There is also a more advanced way. It is called the "Descartes square". This way of making a decision is ideal when you need to choose whether to take a fateful step or it is better to leave it as it is. For example, you can resort to this method to decide whether to divorce your husband or not, change your job or stay the same, take out a mortgage or not, put up with your mother-in-law or not communicate with her until the end of your days. The essence of this simple technique is to look at the situation more broadly, not from one or two, but from four different angles. To do this, you need to divide a sheet of paper into 4 columns and answer 4 questions:

What if this happens? (The pros of getting what you want.)
What happens if this does not happen? (The pros of not getting what you want.)
What will NOT happen if this happens? (Cons of getting what you want.)
What will NOT happen if this does NOT happen? (Cons of not getting what you want.)

Indeed, often we consider only the pros and cons of the onset of a possible event, but we do not take into account the positive and negative sides"Status quo". And a comprehensive assessment avoids unnecessary risk. And then you will not have to endure annoying losses that could have been easily avoided. We wish you less mistakes!

NATA KARLIN

Man at a crossroads while making important decision, is guided by two extremes - good and bad. What happens after we do or do not do something important? Is the end of the world sure, or will peace and harmony reign? Why do we rush to extremes? Is there really no middle ground?

WITH early age, each person regularly faces a choice:

Should I wear pants today or a skirt?
with a handsome man or spend an evening with a smart and interesting fan?
Go to college by calling or obey your parents in choosing a profession?
Get an interesting or profitable job?

You can continue indefinitely! How difficult it is to make the right decision when the choice concerns such serious things as choosing a profession or a job.

There are people in the world who do not doubt the correctness the decision... One can only envy them.

Fatalists are indifferent.

This category of people unwittingly. They do not torment themselves with a choice, they go with the flow in the direction where the "finger of fate" will point. It's easier for them to reach out, get out of the closet what they grabbed for, and put it on without hesitation. Go on a date with whoever calls first. To go to the institute to study the one that. Whichever job comes up first, stay on that one until the end of your life. And, after all, in their own way they are absolutely right! Why torment yourself with unnecessary doubts if life itself will put everything in its place?

Intuition.

There is another category of people who never doubt the correctness of their choice. These are individuals with developed. Or those who believe that they have this feeling. They never doubt the correctness of the decision. After all, the confidence that intuition will not fail, will not leave them.

But such people are in the minority, the rest are tormented, tormented and doubted.

When in doubt about the correctness of the decision made, the "Descartes square" will help

What does a person rely on when he does not know how to act correctly in a given situation?

It is possible to calculate the development of events to the smallest detail only if you use the theory of probability. And then, the value will be very approximate. However, few of us know how to do this. Therefore, trusting the will of chance, you can achieve better results than those when a person intends to "swim against the tide" only to prove that the decision was correct.

To learn how to correctly assess the current problem and do decisive step, use the "Descartes square".

There are many ways that can show all the pros and cons of a decision. For example, you can split a piece of paper into two pieces. In the first column, write down the benefits that you will derive as a result of your decision. In the second, there are cons.

Most effective method is considered the "square of Descartes". Now the sheet of paper is divided into four parts, each of which contains a question that requires a detailed answer:

The positive aspects of fulfilling the desired. (What awaits if you do the planned);
The positive aspects of not fulfilling the desired. (What awaits if you do not accomplish the intended);
Negative sides of the fulfillment of desires. (What can you avoid if you get what you want);
Negative sides of failure to fulfill the desired. (What can be avoided if you do not get what you want).

By answering in each square to questions asked, you will quickly come to the right decision. Here you need to evaluate and weigh all the pros and cons that may arise as a result of your decision, and take the only correct one.

What influences the search for the right solution

What is the correct decision? This is the distance between the starting point (task) and the point at which a person will receive satisfaction of his needs and intentions (solution). In this process, all components of a person's personality are involved: mind, will, character and motivation. All this, both helps and hinders the correct decision-making. Assess yourself, try to remember what exactly motivates you at the moment when you need to mobilize all your efforts in order to concentrate on one task. Sweep away the unnecessary, and remove the unnecessary from yourself.

Confirmation.

Looking for correct decision, the person weighs all the components of the supposed success. Choose on the basis of facts, do not be guided by speculation and ghostly "what if." Ignore information that you consider contradictory, look for rational grain.

Subsequence.

Every action you take to solve a problem must be consistent.

The vector of thinking about the problem should be directed to one point. Take the shortest route without being distracted by lyrical digressions from the topic.

Mobility.

This refers to a person's ability to deal with a changing situation. With the emergence of new facts that contradict the decision you have chosen, you should adequately assess the situation and take appropriate measures.

Concentration.

When making an important decision for you, it is advisable to abstract from other problems. The efforts of the brain must be directed to specific task, on the implementation of which depends peace of mind, material well-being or the future in general.

Selectivity.

Choose facts that are really noteworthy. Sweep away extra information, do not consider important what is not worth your attention and effort.

Life experience.

When making serious decisions, you should not rely only on your own experience. Consult with smart people, watch programs, look for advice on the Internet or books.

Don't put your ability first. The success that you have achieved before is the sum of your contribution, the help of others and a happy coincidence. Draw conclusions from mistakes, try not to "step on the same rake" in the future.

Concentrate, choose the path you will take to make a decision, calm down and act. In the matter of understanding and developing an action plan, there should be no excessive haste, fanaticism and overestimated predictions about the result. These moments reduce the efficiency of the process and give the victory a bitter taste of dissatisfaction.

3 strategies will help you not doubt your decision

The method of the Canadian professor Henry Mintzberg will help you make the right decision. In his opinion, there are three steps to success:

Action.

This process means you don't have time to think. There is a category of decision making that implies that there is simply no time to think. We must act immediately. Then the attitudes laid down by the instinct of self-preservation, personal experience and the mistakes of other people come into force. To properly assess such situations, learn to learn from everything that life presents to you. In a specific situation, it often saves.

The process of long deliberation of the situation is inherent in the representatives of Western culture. It implies an algorithm from the following actions:

And the wording of the problem;
Systematization of the received data;
Direction correction;
Evaluation of parameters influencing the result and selection necessary funds for ;
Search for alternative solutions and options for the development of events;
Assessment of possible outcomes of the development of events;
Decision and action.

Intuition.

People who make decisions on an intuitive level are guided by an inspiration, which they themselves characterize as a kind of "insight" that came suddenly. It so happens that a person long time looking for an answer to a specific question that haunts him. He falls asleep and wakes up with this thought. One fine day, he realizes that there is no problem at all, the solution is already in his head. In the subconsciousness of each person there is a hidden system of knowledge and life experience... At a critical moment, all processes of the body are activated, which allows you to quickly navigate in the created environment.

There are four stages of intuitive decision making:

Identifying the problem and collecting information about it. This process involves thinking, an emotional aspect, personal experience and the influence of the environment;
Concentration of all mental functions on comprehending the problem in order to feel the depth and the possibility of its solution;
Insight (insight), which replaces reflections;
Re-checking the facts, comparative analysis of the results of the development of events and the final adjustment.

How to make a decision and not doubt anymore

So what is considered the most important factor for making the right decisions? Of course, a sufficient amount of time to think over, systematize factors, find the right course of action and choose one solution from several possible ones. To learn how to make decisions you will never regret, use the following tips:

Time and place.

Don't act spontaneously in taking important steps. Schedule a time when you can be alone.

If the next morning you wake up feeling relieved from what, take action! If not, then the decision is not correct, or not the only correct one.

Making a fateful decision,. You get the feeling that there is a wall in front of you, against which you have rested your forehead, and there is no further passage. Step away from the problem for a while. For example, go to a movie theater to dispel. Distract your brain from the stress that makes it work in a time-trouble mode. But, as soon as you feel that the feeling of heaviness in your soul has passed, return to the problem with renewed vigor.

It is important and necessary.

Consider the necessity of what you are currently doing. Is it really of such value to you that it is worth spending your efforts and nerves? If you are on the right path, then doubts about the need to solve this problem need to be dismissed. If not, then you must clearly decide for yourself what benefit motivates you.

Having made a preliminary decision, do not rush to act. Evaluate the options for the development of events again, compare them with previous experience, remember the mistakes of your acquaintances, only then proceed with the implementation of the planned plan.

The moment you realize that your decision is the only possible and correct one, you will feel relief. Now everything fell into place. It's easier for you, but you have to act strictly according to plan. Do not forget that the result you want to achieve depends on the accuracy in the sequence of actions.

24 February 2014

When people share the worst decisions made in their lives, they often refer to the fact that the choice was made in a fit of instinctive emotions: passion, fear, greed.

Our life would be completely different if Ctrl + Z acted in our life, which would cancel the decisions made.

But we are not slaves to our mood. Instinctive emotions tend to be dulled or completely subside. Therefore, folk wisdom recommends that in the event that an important decision has to be made, it is better to go to bed. Good advice, by the way. It doesn't hurt to take note of it! Although for many solutions, one sleep is not enough. A special strategy is needed.

One of the effective tools that we would like to offer you is strategy for success at work and in life from Susie Welch(Suzy Welch) is a former editor-in-chief of the Harvard Business Review, a popular author, television commentator and journalist. It is called 10/10/10 and involves making decisions through the prism of three different time frames:

How will you feel about this after 10 minutes?
What will you think about this decision after 10 months?
What will be your reaction to this in 10 years?

By concentrating our attention on these terms, we distance ourselves from the problem of making an important decision by us.

Now let's look at the action of this rule using an example.

Situation: Veronica has a boyfriend, Cyril. They have been dating for 9 months, but their relationship can hardly be called ideal. Veronica claims that Kirill is a wonderful person, and in many ways he is exactly the one she has been looking for throughout her life. However, she is very worried that their relationship is not moving forward. She is 30, she wants a family and. She does not have an infinite amount of time to develop a relationship with Kirill, who is under 40. During these 9 months she never met Kirill's daughter from her first marriage, and the cherished “I love you” never sounded in their pair from either side.

The divorce from my wife was terrible. After that, Kirill decided to avoid Serious relationships... In addition, he keeps his daughter out of his personal life. Veronica realizes that he is in pain, but she is also offended that such an important part of her beloved's life is closed to her.

Veronica knows that Cyril does not like to rush to make decisions. But should she then take a step herself and say “I love you” first?

The girl was advised to use the 10/10/10 rule, and this is what came of it. Veronica was asked to imagine that right now she must decide whether she will confess her love to Cyril at the weekend or not.

Question 1: How do you feel about this decision after 10 minutes?

Answer:"I think I would be worried, but at the same time I was proud of myself that I took the risk and said it first."

Question 2: What would you think of your decision if 10 months had passed?

Answer:“I don't think I will regret it after 10 months. No, I will not. I sincerely want this to work out. Those who do not take risks do not drink champagne! "

Question 3: How do you feel about your decision after 10 years?

Answer:“Regardless of how Kirill reacts, in 10 years the decision to confess his love first will hardly matter. By this time, either we will be happy together, or I will be in a relationship with someone else. "

Notice the 10/10/10 rule works! As a result, we have quite a simple solution:

Veronica needs to take the lead. She will be proud of herself if she does this, and sincerely believes that she will not regret what she did, even if nothing happens with Kirill. But without consciously analyzing the situation according to the 10/10/10 rule, making an important decision seemed extremely difficult to her. Short-term emotions - fear, nervousness, and fear of rejection - were distractions and disincentives.

What happened to Veronica after - you are probably wondering. She still said “I love you” first. In addition, she tried to do everything to change the situation, and stop feeling in limbo. Cyril did not confess his love to her. But progress was on the face: he became closer to Veronica. The girl believes that he loves her, that he just needs a little more time to overcome his own and confess the reciprocity of feelings. In her opinion, the chances that they will be together reach 80%.

Eventually

The 10/10/10 rule helps you win the emotional game. The feelings that you are experiencing now, at this minute, seem saturated and sharp, but the future - on the contrary, vague. Therefore, the emotions experienced in the present are always in the foreground.

The 10/10/10 strategy forces you to change your angle of view: consider a moment in the future (for example, after 10 months) from the same point that you are looking at the present.

This technique puts your short-term emotions in perspective. This is not at all about ignoring them. They often even help you get what you want in a given situation. But you shouldn't let your emotions get the best of you.

Remembering the contrast of emotions is necessary not only in life, but also at work. For example, if you deliberately avoid serious conversation with your boss, you are letting your emotions get the best of you. If you present the opportunity to have a conversation, then after 10 minutes you will be just as nervous, and after 10 months - will you be glad that you decided on this conversation? Will you breathe a sigh of relief? Or will you feel proud?

But what if you want to reward the work of a great employee and are going to offer him a raise: will you doubt the correctness of your decision in 10 minutes, will you regret what you did after 10 months (suddenly other employees feel left out), and will it be will the raise matter to your business 10 years later?

As you can see short-term emotions don't always hurt... The 10/10/10 rule suggests that looking at emotions in the long term is not the only correct one. It only proves that the short-term feelings you are experiencing cannot be at the head of the table when you make important and responsible decisions.

4 289 0 Hello! In this article, we'll show you how to make the right decision when in doubt.

Every day we make several decisions a day, starting with the choice of the breakfast menu and ending with the circle of friends. Most of our decisions are harmless and cannot radically change our lives, but there are also those on which our whole future life depends completely. In difficult situations, we often begin to doubt ourselves and the correctness of our decision, rush between several options and lose a lot of time and energy instead of taking action.

How to make the right decision in life

Decision making is real science. However, there is nothing supernatural in it; everyone can quickly and correctly learn how to make decisions. It is enough to muster up the courage, take responsibility for your life in your own hands and adhere to a few rules and methods.

There are several ways to make decisions:

heuristic(based on feelings and intuition)
algorithm(based on informed decisions, the study of information and analysis).

Ideally, there should be harmony between rational thinking and intuition.

In addition, the manner of solving problems largely depends on the type of personality and temperament. So, extroverts prefer not to think for a long time, but to start acting right away, and introverts - they analyze a lot and can "hang" for a long time before making a decision. Both of these strategies can fail: the extrovert will eventually break the woods, and the introvert will remain sitting in the problem and waiting for it to be resolved on its own.

Basic rules for decision making

There are some rules to follow when in doubt when making a decision.

Remember your life priorities and stick to them strictly. Think about what is really important to you and what you work for, study for, etc. Often values and priorities are artificially substituted by society.
For example, the principle of "money for the sake of money" is becoming fashionable. When getting a job, think about what you really value and why are you doing it? If you value your family and communication with children very much, a high-paying job with constant processing may just not suit you. By keeping the focus on the essentials, making decisions becomes much easier.
Try it if possible. You can ponder indefinitely on the topic of what would happen if you went and did something, or you can just try and then make a decision.
For example, if you dream of becoming a famous graphic designer, ask for an internship at advertising agency... By looking at your dream job from the inside out, the decision will be much easier.
Limit the number of options. You should have a choice, but remember that the abundance of options does not help, but, on the contrary, makes it difficult to make a decision.
Come up with an algorithm of actions if a certain situation arises.
For example, if you started your own business, but after a year it has not started to generate income, you stop investing in a loss-making company. Such "backup" algorithms allow you to calculate risks and hedge against an unfavorable course of the situation.
Seek advice from close and more experienced people... At the same time, it is important to be able to process these tips. Of course, the opinion from the outside and the information received is very important. Keep in mind, however, that sometimes people give advice by projecting their own fears and failures onto your life. Be careful and don't go with other people's opinions.
Voice the problem several times... Seeking advice is useful not so much to hear advice as to talk about a situation. When we repeat our question several times, already at the moment of speaking, new unexpected thoughts and ideas come to us.
Stop thinking and analyzing and just act... Sometimes we do not lose anything in a given situation, so why waste our time and energy on thinking? Wherever there is no loss, act promptly and decisively.
Postpone the decision until tomorrow... Sometimes it is much easier to weigh and make a decision with a fresh mind. In addition, sometimes it is useful to rely on your subconscious and ask yourself an exciting question at night. Perhaps the first thought that comes to mind right after waking up will turn out to be the right option.
Limit the time to make a decision. The law of forced efficiency comes into force.
Rely not only on your experience, but also on the current changes in the situation.
If you have made decisions, act immediately!

What shouldn't you do?

Don't turn off your intuition. It is still worth listening to your body and "signs from above".
Do not delay making a decision and implementing it. Otherwise, you will remain sitting with a problem.
Never regret the decisions you make. Remember, there is no perfect course of action. Everything that happens to us happens for something and is already the most correct decision. Maybe, having made a different solution, there would have been much more problems?
Do not overuse advice and do not ask everyone in a row.
Don't shift responsibility for your life to someone else.
Don't be led by your emotions.

Eliminating emotions

Before making a decision, it is very important to get rid of interfering emotions: fear, nervousness, excitement, etc. Such emotions interfere with concentrating on the main thing, constantly draw attention to minor trifles and do not allow to adequately look at the situation.

Fear

In order to get rid of fear, you need to very vividly imagine the worst case scenario. Of course, it will be greatly exaggerated, but playing a frightening moment in your imagination will allow you to touch your own fear and prepare for possible problems on the way to the goal.

Breath

No matter how trite, deep and slow abdominal breathing will help get rid of interfering arousal. You need to breathe deeply with your belly, rib cage at the same time practically does not move. Take 10 slow breaths in and out, holding your breath slightly for 5-7 slow counts.

Wait

Just wait. Not always momentary impulses and desires are worthy of early implementation. Sometimes they pass as quickly as they appear in our head. It is better to wait until the wave of excitement and emotion subsides than to do something stupid.

Maintain concentration

At the moment of making a decision, try to be as much as possible here and now. Stop being distracted by external factors and various little things. If necessary, retire and be alone. Immerse yourself in the problem with your head and concentrate on it.

The 10/10/10 rule

To cool off your ardor, sometimes it is enough to ask yourself three questions:

How do I react to my decision in 10 minutes?
In 10 months?
After 10 years?

As you do this practice, try to be as honest with yourself as possible.

Remember this state when a friend turns to us for advice. We clearly see the situation and do not pay attention to various little things. Try to look at your problem from the outside and give yourself adequate advice.

Ideal "I"

Choose from the proposed options the ideal one. Try not to think about what you want. Our desires are not always good for us.

Decision making methods

For all the time of its existence, mankind has come up with many ways to make the right decision. But before you start getting acquainted with these methods, you need to understand what the correct solution consists of:

Information. These are dry facts without emotional coloring and information distortions.
Selectivity in information. Not all facts should be taken for granted or projected onto your life.
Concentration on the problem and its solution.
An experience. Mostly yours, but the experience of loved ones is also very valuable.
Flexibility and ability to adapt to changing situations.
Adequate assessment of what is happening.
Consistency in decision making and subsequent actions.

Avoid constraints and boundaries

People tend to choose between two extremes: "Yes" or "No"... Buy a car on credit or not? Divorce or not? To quit or not? We drive ourselves into the framework of a difficult choice, while the true answer to a question may be hidden in the middle or even lie in a different plane.

For example, someone wants to buy a car on credit, but hesitates, because he does not want to get into debt. Perhaps the question should simply be put differently and buy a car cheaper, rent an apartment closer to work, or even find a job near your current place of residence.

Try to think wider and avoid yes / no.

Dream diary

Imagine your goal in all its colors and your future life when you achieve it. Answer the following questions:

How will I feel?
Why do I need this?
Will I become more confident in myself?
What opportunities will open before me?

Write down your fantasies in detail in your journal, answer questions, and re-read the entries every day. At first, you will not believe in what you are reading, but over time, your subconscious mind will accept a new picture.

In addition, having a vivid presentation of your dreams and goals helps you make decisions. Most importantly, always remember why you wake up in the morning.

Expand your choice

Do not get attached to the first option that comes across. Check out the rest of the alternative solutions as well. What if it turns out that there are much better and more profitable options? However, you should not expand the selection to an unlimited number of options. Remember that this will only make it harder to solve the problem.

Disappearing

Imagine that the option that you have chosen suddenly disappeared. What will you do in this case?

This method allows you to get rid of attachment to one specific decision and get out of the impasse of thinking.

Search for information

Study thoroughly everything related to the problem and the ways to solve it. Acquaintance with reviews on the Internet has become a common ritual before purchasing a product or service. But for some reason, not everyone does the same when choosing a university or a new place of work.

Study the issue on the Internet and, if possible, talk to those who worked or studied in this institution. This will save you half of the wrong choice.

In addition, you can ask questions directly during the interview. Do not specify what bonuses the company can offer and whether there are additional benefits for employees. It is better to ask who was in this position before, how many people left this position and why, where they are now and how you can connect with them. There will already be enough answers to these questions to make an informed decision.

If it is difficult to make a decision, you can use the Descartes square method. To do this, draw a square on a piece of paper and divide it by two lines into four more squares. In the upper left box, write everything that you get by making this decision, and in the right box, write everything that you get without making it. In the lower squares, respectively, everything that you will not get if you make this decision, and everything that you won’t get if you don’t accept it.

After you finish writing all the pros and cons of this solution, it remains to calculate their ratio and quantity:

Subtract the number of minuses from the number of pluses in the upper right square.
Do the same with the left column of the square.
Make a decision.

Three-question method

There is a theory that you need to ask yourself three times before making a decision. The first time the answer will come on the basis of emotions, the second time - on the basis of logic, and the third answer will be the closest to the truth.

Try on different hats

You can make a decision in game form... To do this, imagine you have seven hats. different colors and each of them can radically change the way you think:

Red- makes you excitable and emotional;
Lilac- allows you to always remain rational;
Blue- includes intuition;
Black- makes you see one negative and pass everything through the prism of a defeatist attitude;
Pink- makes him overly self-confident and incapable of self-criticism;
Orange- generates impossible projects and makes fantastic plans;
White - gives wisdom.

Measure all the hats and try to deduce the average from the entire stream of thoughts and feelings.

We exclude uninteresting options

You can choose from several alternatives using the elimination method. Remove the most unattractive option from the existing ones. Then remove another one and another one. Continue eliminating unwanted options until there is only one option left.

The lesser of evils

Our choice is not always associated with pleasant things. Sometimes, whatever we choose, the consequences will not be very pleasant. What to do in this case? Accept the situation as it is and try to choose what will be the least unpleasant for you.

PMI method

The abbreviation PMI can be deciphered as Plus, Minus, Interesting ... Make a three-column table. In the first, write down all the possible advantages of the decision made, in the second - the minuses, and in the third - just all the interesting remarks, nuances and comments that do not relate to either pluses or minuses.

This plate will help to visually represent all the advantages and disadvantages of the decision and once again weigh the pros and cons.

Practice the Five Guiding Questions

Let's say you have already chosen a solution for your problem. How to check if you are moving in the right direction and is it worth changing it? The five-question method will help you with this:

Do I want this (to become someone / do something / have something)? If the answer is yes, we continue to ask questions.
If I do this (become someone / do something / acquire something), will I stay in harmony with myself, the world, the Universe and God (for believers)? If so, let's continue.
If I do this, will it bring me closer to my dream? Yes? Let's continue.
If I do this, will it violate someone's rights? If not, then you can ask yourself one last question.
If I do this, will it make me better or someone else?

If you have come to the last question and the answer is yes, you can safely assume that you are on the right track.

Self-made decision-making algorithm

In order to learn how to make your own decisions, take a piece of paper and a pen.

Write on a piece of paper what kind of problem you have.
List the reasons why it needs to be addressed.
Describe in detail the desired outcome of events.
Write down all possible options for resolving the issue and actions that need to be taken.
Analyze your answers, correlate them with current possibilities and start acting.

How to decide on a job?

When you are about to leave your job or when choosing from several vacancies, remember your life priorities and values. If your family is at the head of everything, it is wrong to choose a job with irregular working hours and constant delays at work, even if you get good pay for it.

It will be nice in this case ask a friend for help. Indeed, from the outside, real risks and imaginary fears are always better visible. If you have no one to ask, try giving yourself advice yourself. Try to turn off emotions, because changing jobs can change your life for both the worse and the better.

How do you decide to divorce?

If family life cracked and everything is bad, sometimes thoughts of divorce may flash. Do not rush to chop from the shoulder. Wait until emotions calm down and clarity appears in your head. Perhaps it will be useful to live a little with your spouse separately.

Do not rush to ask loved ones for advice. If you later change your mind and make peace with your husband or wife, loved ones will condemn him / her, consider him an enemy and put a spoke in the wheels. Besides, personal life one of those areas of life where decisions should remain exclusively with you, so that later you will not bitterly regret that you blindly obeyed someone's advice.

Remember to avoid narrow boundaries and radical solutions. Perhaps the question "Divorce or not?" is set incorrectly and there are other options for solving, for example: sorting out the relationship, working through resentments, talking heart to heart, improving relationships or contacting a family psychologist.

If you understand that apart you are much better than in an alliance with a partner, and the relationship cannot be restored, it may be worth divorcing than fighting for useless destructive relationships.

How can you help make a decision?

Each person is the master of his life. Therefore, give others the opportunity to independently build their lives, win and make mistakes. If you see that your close person doubts himself, give him the opportunity to make a decision on his own and do not meddle with unsolicited advice. Of course, if someone turns to you for advice, you can express your opinion and say how you would act, but no more. You have no right to make a decision for another person or take responsibility for his life.

What prevents us from making adequate decisions? (Dan Gilbert)