If you could erase, erase from memory those memories that hurt, leaving, deep in the soul, an indelible mark. Each person has those moments of the past that you want to forget forever. I agree, it's not so easy to do this ... But nothing is impossible!
In addition to today's problems, most modern people are burdened with negative memories from the past.
Resentment, fears, hatred, negative events - all of this was once in the past, but a person continues to carry it in himself today.
Over time, the details are erased, but the feelings of discomfort remain.
Nothing can be changed, it is possible that there are no offenders in this world, or there can be no such situations, but the person continues to remember this with perseverance worthy of another application.
And when some situation reminds them of this, they again and again experience these events within themselves.
They constantly think about how to get rid of negative memories, but they cannot do it.
But all this only leads to a waste of time and effort. When your feelings and emotions are wasted.
And now, by adulthood, this negative experience accumulates, leading to various diseases, problems in life, the development of phobias.
A person turns into a tourist through life, carrying a load of negative memories from the past in himself.
And on the faces of such people, the SEAL OF TIME is visible - wrinkles, a dull look, tension.
Go outside and you will immediately see such people.
Look at people of advanced age - someone walks briskly and smiles, and someone is bent literally three deaths and barely weaves. And undoubtedly a great contribution to this was made by the load of negative memories from the past.
Look at successful people... All of them have problems too, and there are many more of them than an ordinary person but you won't see it on their faces.
Perhaps you yourself carry the burden of the past in yourself, which prevents you from moving on.
Even if now you are a master of sports in martial arts, and at school someone bullied you, you cannot return it.
Now you are a different person and why carry the burden of the past. Throw off your backpack and walk forward freely.
Who cares what happened yesterday. The main thing is that today, and of course the best is yet to come.
If there is still an opportunity to remedy the situation, then do it. If not, just forget.
But this is where most people have problems.
The point is that in life modern man too few emotions, especially positive ones.
Therefore, he tries to replace them with something - and negative memories just help in this, making it possible in his imagination to deal with the offender and get moral satisfaction, each time coming up with new ways of revenge.
But you need to get rid of this - if you want to move forward and achieve success in this life.
I suggest you a simple, but very effective method, which will help you find the answer to the question - How to get rid of negative memories.
Take a piece of paper, sit down alone in a calm atmosphere and, so to speak, pour out all your resentments, fears, everything that haunts you at the moment. You need to feel them for the last time - most likely you will have tears - this is even for the best.
Write it all down in detail, and then just burn this piece of paper. Take a piece of paper with your hand and light it from the opposite end and watch how your fears and resentments burn in the fire, while simultaneously imagining the same process within yourself.
If it doesn't work the first time, do it several times.
And I assure you, every time emotional coloring will weaken.
And very soon you will lose interest in your grievances and over time the negative experience will dissolve, leaving free space for new impressions and achievements.
And they, I assure you, will be.
Therefore, if you have a load of negative memories, then apply this method next weekend. Don't think about whether it will help or not. Just DO IT.
And very soon fresh colors will appear in your life!
There are enough problems and difficulties in life that we have
decide every day, and for joy there is not always time and
strength. But at the same time, each of us has our own past unsuccessful
or even violent situations that can poison
a life.
If in the past happened divorce, he will definitely play his part
v new love... If you ever Got fired, you still have a long time
you will be nervous at every complaint from your superiors. If
had a hard time earning bread and not enough money, you
make up your mind on an expensive purchase yet.
The most difficult situations include loss of loved ones, accidents and disasters, serious illnesses and addictions, including close people. Here you cannot do without the help of a specialist, but many bad memories can be erased from memory on your own.
Method 1. Memory diary
Whatever one may say, but there are stories that cannot be forgotten at all. Due to the fact that a lot of time was spent on them, people dear to us took part in them, and in general - it was in our life, and she is alone. But you can separate all this from the present and return as if you watched a movie, where the hero is similar to you, but a different person.
Set aside a separate time for suffering about the past. You can describe your feelings in a special file or blog and allow yourself any anger, bitterness, tears and sadness. Experiencing it heartily, you will soon lose interest in old stories, because it is impossible to watch the same film every day and not get bored.
Method 2. Ritual of farewell
On the Maslenitsa holiday, we see off the cold and long winter in order to meet the joy and freshness of spring. In life, there are the same cold and inhospitable periods, and you can and should say goodbye to them for the sake of beauty in the future.
To say goodbye to the bad forever, you need collect all that you are terribly tired of- you can do this symbolically by putting in a box photos of your ex-husband, cheap things that you had to wear due to lack of money (even if you are still afraid to buy something decent), employment contracts from old work and other reminders. Leave it all in a visible place and visit your old life with the understanding that it is in the past.
Method 3. Substitution of events
No, this does not mean that you should deceive yourself and convince that nothing was wrong. But it happens that we remember a difficult story only because it is the most vivid memory. This is really a property of memory. Nevertheless, in reality, only this creepy picture remained from her.
You need a different story, just as bright, but positive. To do this, you will have to try, achieve a difficult goal with a vivid result (buy a car, sit on a twine, make a crazy repair), in general, to do something extraordinary for yourself. Does such a person want to remember some old failures - he already has something to be proud of and something to rejoice at in his new life.
Method 4. Stop lights
We return to the old, because we want to replay it again - not to make mistakes, to finish that we didn’t say, to correct something - in a word, to live the same story again. However, the very attempt to reappear in difficult situation already seems strange.
The problem is that we consider ourselves to be guilty of those terrible events and cannot realize that and with good people unpleasant things happen. Should I return to them? What is lived is lived, and we behaved as we could at that moment. Sometimes it is enough just to stop yourself in the place where you wanted to suffer the past. Come up with conditioned signals for yourself - pinch, spit over your shoulder, say something out loud.
Method 5. Real return
Closing the page and ending the story sometimes helps if allow yourself to go back to where it is impossible to return. the Forbidden fruit sweet and we are drawn to the bad past, because it is so sad to think that time cannot be turned in the other direction.
Make sure the sadness isn't worth it. Call ex-husband and understand that he is the person you divorced, not the one you love. Interview your former colleagues and they will immediately tell you that things have only gotten worse since you got fired. It's good that all this is already in your past.
Method 6. Final analysis
You have to be a mentally prepared person for this method or use it in conjunction with some other. Farewell to the past essentially happens at the moment when you calmly accept everything that happened to you not as a horror and a nightmare, and even more so not as a cross that you must bear, but as an event that has explanations and which gave you experience.
Everyone is filling their own bumps, but in other words, without our past, we would not be who we are, and a bad past does not make you worse, but for sure can do better - smarter, more experienced, stronger, kinder and softer, or, conversely, more stable in order to protect yourself. Accept and love yourself again- this is what it means to live in the present moment and rejoice in it without looking back at the bad past.
For many people, the problem of developing memory and skills memorization and assimilation of texts is more relevant than the ability to forget the past and get rid of unnecessary information.
Today, you can find a myriad of advertisements in newspapers, on television and on the Internet, headlines and announcements of which are full of promises to improve and restore memory. Anyone today can independently and easily find a mass useful information About, how to develop memory... But for effective work our memory needs not only the ability to reliably memorize, store and, if necessary, reproduce the necessary information. It is also important to be able to forget it.
In mnemonics (methods and techniques that facilitate memorization), there are special techniques designed to deliberately forget. And indeed, why, if there is involuntary and voluntary memorization, can forgetting be only involuntary?
So the set of methods and techniques of the ability to forget is called flying technique. The origin of this word has its origins in Greek mythology... Lethe is the river of oblivion located in the underworld of Hades. The souls who arrived in the kingdom of the dead, having tasted the water from this river, received oblivion and no longer remembered their earthly existence. Hence the expression came - to sink into oblivion, meaning a traceless disappearance and oblivion.
What is the use of flying technology and its laws of forgetting? When are they needed?
First of all, answering these questions, it should be said that forgetting is not definitely a negative quality of human memory, since the functioning of mnemonic processes without forgetting processes will be defective. It would be appropriate to recall the words of the outstanding Soviet psychologist Alexander Romanovich Luria - “ Many are working on how to find ways to remember better? But no one even thinks about the question: how best to forget?»
In this article, we will look at the most effective ways, which help a person to forget the past, which has a traumatic effect on his psyche, and we will learn how to forget information that has lost its relevance.
Forgetting techniques can be used in at least two ways:
- In order to suppress unpleasant memories, especially those that have become obsessively repetitive.
- In order to erase unnecessary information from memory, which simply clutters up our brain.
Forgetting Method # 1 - Suppression
This summer-technical technique has a psychotherapeutic focus, with its help you can forget traumatic memories of the psyche.
Often, the memory of unpleasant events haunts people, and they begin to fear that these traumatic memories will again begin to "emerge" and the more they are afraid of this, the more they fears become more obsessive... To relieve obsession (involuntarily obsessive thoughts) you can use an exercise called "burning letter":
- Memories that make you suffer and experience discomfort, describe in detail and transfer them to a piece of paper. Then take this sheet, crumple it up and place it in some fireproof dish, set it on fire. Watching how the paper burns, think about how your experiences burn, how they crumble and turn into ash. All negative memories burned out! Throw the ashes out the window and blow them in the wind!
The meaning of the "burning letter" exercise is that it helps not only to forget information, but to become the master of your memories. A person experiencing unpleasant sensations from past events can thus forget them. Of course this forgetting process can be unpleasant, but often it has the desired effect: the person does not turn on defense mechanisms, does not suppress memories, but on the contrary, by describing these events gets rid of the memories associated with them.
Since ancient times, fire played the role of the first for a human psychotherapist: looking at the flame, a person, in fact, underwent a psychotherapy session, clearing himself of heavy thoughts and throwing off the burden of primitive stresses from his shoulders. And if a person has a good imagination, and he is able to vividly imagine that not only paper, but also memories traumatizing his psyche are burning in the fire, then he will not be able to reproduce them even if he wants to.
“TV” is another exercise often used by psychologists and psychotherapists in their practice to get rid of the patient's burdensome memories:
- Try to transfer your negative experiences to the screen of a large TV as vividly as possible. Remember everything to the smallest detail. Then take the remote control, and mentally turning off the sound, watch the "silent movie". Further, in a similar way, deprive the visualization of clarity, contrast, and, finally, brightness. Eventually, the image fades and disappears completely. The main thing is not to rush! To make the forgetting process more effective, you can mentally pull the cord out of the socket or throw the TV out the window. If negative memories are not so tragic (say, just unpleasant), then this exercise can be used to translate them into the genre of comedy. Imagine these events recorded on a video camera. Mentally start recording in reverse side, scroll it at high speed, use slow motion, put funny music on the picture, insert a comedian into the "movie", etc. Learning how to direct your memories will make it easier for you to manage them. Moreover, where there is humor, there is no place for neurosis.
These exercises may not help you get rid of your memories completely, but they will teach you not to be afraid of them. And this is very important, because by eliminating the fear of negative memories, we eliminate the cause of their involuntary appearance.
Forgetting Method # 2 - Removing
Other forgetting technique is designed to remove unnecessary information from memory that has lost its relevance and clutters up the "archive" of memory. For example, it is possible to free mnemonic matrices from already applied information material in order to fill them with new content.
Simplest forgetting method called " technical rag».
- For example, we populated the memory matrix with a series of word-based images. Then, focusing our attention on the first cell of the matrix, we take a wet rag and erase the image (shaped group) in it. The first cell remains, we continue to see it clearly, but now it is empty, the space is free and now it is possible to place new associative compositions on it. Next, we sequentially, cell by cell, go through the entire matrix and erase all the remaining images using a similar method.
It should be noted that this method is not entirely convenient if the mnemonic matrices have big sizes... After all, it will take a lot of time and effort to consistently erase information from each individual cell. In such cases, it is appropriate to apply the laws of forgetting Solomon Veniaminovich Shereshevsky, a Russian-Soviet journalist and professional mnemonist, who, speaking with intellectual numbers in front of a huge audience, was forced not only to memorize large sequences of numbers, words, incoherent syllables, etc., but also to erase everything this is from memory before the next view.
- « Worrying so that the individual sessions would not get confused, I mentally erase the board and, as it were, cover it with a film that is completely hopeless and impenetrable. When the session ends, I mentally film it ... I still talk with the audience, and at this time, I sort of crumple this film with my hands, hearing how it crunches."- Shereshevsky shared his secrets. So he deleted information immediately from the entire field of the mnemonic matrix, and not from each of its individual cells. If this method did not help to effectively forget information, Solomon Veniaminovich resorted, at first glance, to paradoxical methods of forgetting: “ In order to remember, people write down ... It seemed ridiculous to me, and I decided to do it my own way: since they write down, therefore, they do not need to remember. This means that if I write down, I will know that I do not need to remember this ... And I began to apply this law of forgetting in small things: in any assignments, in surnames, in telephones».
Eager to remember important information most people tend to write it down. And the more often we write down what we want to remember, the less we use our memory. This is a direct path to memory atrophy, because not getting enough load, it works less and less. As a result, people come to the sad conclusion that they have a bad memory, although they themselves are often to blame for this.
Try not to use notebooks and notebooks, trust your memory, load it so that it can fully work ( exercises for developing memory), and then she will stop letting you down. Only mark something on paper if you need to forget it!
The process of mastering the skills of forgetting (as well as memorizing) proceeds in consistency with the laws of Hegel's dialectics. At a certain point, the experience of voluntary forgetting leads to a qualitative leap, which allows you to forget unnecessary information only through willpower without using special methods forgetting.
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Hello dear readers! Our whole life is a series of events. Some are forgotten instantly, while others are capable of causing pain for a considerable time. They spoil the mood, cause negative feelings and complicate the future.
Today we will talk about how to forget unpleasant memories. You will learn how they are formed, how they actually affect your life, why you focus on them and how once and for all of your previous life.
Where do memories come from?
Typically, memories don't come out of nowhere. They are caused by other people's words, new events, some objects with which you have a connection. They can be destroyed and created. One time we constantly think about rest, another we devote to a relationship with a person, a third unpleasant episode.
Your brain tries to keep close to information that matters to you, but it is unable to assess its "importance" itself. Therefore, if you often think about a certain moment, the brain assigns this situation the category "significant" and deliberately resumes the process at every opportunity.
In addition to frequency, intensity and emotionality are also important for the brain. We devote some thoughts longer, while others consider them "thoughtful up and down." These events fade into the background.
A person is not able to influence his own brain and change the category of significance of the event, but he can contribute to the fact that the memory will fade into the background. To do this, you need to try to devote as little time as possible to unpleasant thoughts from the past. You cannot get rid of a sudden impulse of thought, but calmly control the discussion: it is up to you to devote an hour or just a few minutes to it.
You will not find anything new if you constantly pour from empty to empty problem. Perhaps you enjoy sharing your emotions and the state that triggers the event. Remember that the longer you continue to do this, the longer it will harm your psyche.
You need to release emotional attachment. It's real to do it.
Emotionality
More than once I came across articles from the Internet on psychology on this topic, in which people are advised to avoid places and events that cause unpleasant memories. I don't quite agree with this recommendation. Firstly, because most of the time it is rather difficult to do, and, secondly, it is not entirely correct.
Let's talk a little about pleasant things. The process is the same. Think back to your last vacation. When you were just returning from it, a TV program or the word "travel" from a friend's mouth evoked a wave of emotions, memories of the beach, sea, cities and museums, as well as a long story about a recent trip. As time went on, the story became shorter, and the emotions were less.
Avoiding, and replacing some unpleasant emotions with others and continue. You increase the time to overcome. You carry a load within you, deliberately try to avoid certain places, drown out the pain. In doing so, notice that you do not stop thinking about the incident.
Sooner or later, you will have to face what will cause a relapse, but if in the usual rhythm by this time it would not have begun to evoke so many feelings, then in the case of a long time it will become much brighter. You run the risk of not just facing an object that evokes unpleasant memories, but face real fear in the eyes.
Imagine you have a child and he is afraid of clowns. You try to protect it from the object in every possible way: do not go to toy stores, avoid circuses and public events. At 12, when he returns from school, he finally encounters a clown. Do you think he will forget about his phobia or come running home pale in in a state of shock? Wouldn't it have been better to slowly teach him that there is nothing demonic about clowns?
Do not be afraid to face what revives in you, but try to talk less and less about them and think about them.
One frank conversation
First of all, you should discuss in detail an event from the past that triggers your emotions. Ideally, it would be nice to discuss this with a psychologist, but you can also talk with a friend.
Discuss to your heart's content, don't be afraid to share. You must speak out and achieve maximum results. You should not have unspoken thoughts that will continue to torment your soul. Decide everything so as not to keep looking for new conclusions.
I can also recommend a book for you Jose Silva "Mind Control", in which you will find real techniques in order to reduce the pressure of the event on the psyche, as well as many other valuable recommendations for improving life.
Until next time and don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter.
In the life of every person there have been periods that I would like to erase from memory. Some, despite all the difficulties, pull themselves together and move to a new level, only occasionally remembering the shocks that have occurred, others cannot constantly think about the past, thereby depriving themselves of the chance to be happy in the present and future. It doesn't matter what burden of the past haunts you: parting with your loved one, missed opportunities, death of loved ones, betrayal of friends, feelings of guilt ... Now is the time to forget the past forever and start living in the present. How to stop living in the past?
Not thinking about the past: why doesn't it let us go?
Many people ask the question: why some people, having gone through very serious shocks and trials, recover quickly enough and begin new life, do others fall into a long-term depression and cannot stop living in the past after the unsuccessful completion of a two-month romance?
Psychology can give answers to this, here a lot depends on the age, the atmosphere in which a person lived in childhood, on the type of character and personality. And, even if you consider yourself to be a weak type, who takes any life trials close to your heart, it does not mean at all that you are not able to cope on your own and not think about the past.
Most often, we cannot forget the past and live in the present, as we feel our guilt for the current situation, we are tormented by the thought that we could have acted differently - and thereby change the ending ...
... Sometimes the past does not allow us to forget about ourselves, because we do not let go of past grievances, we believe that we were treated unfairly.
Our bad memories look like a suitcase full of useless rubbish, which we habitually carry everywhere with us ... Do you need such a load?
... And sometimes it is impossible to forget the past and live in the present because we like this state of self-pity, we are not ready to change, grow, we are comfortable sitting in our shell, cherishing our grief, shutting ourselves off from the whole world around us. Here is such masochism. How to change the situation and start enjoying life again?
How to forget the past and start living in the present: 5 steps to a happy life
Healing from old wounds is a difficult and often long process, but whatever lies behind our shoulders, each of us can stop living in the past. Here are the steps to help you get rid of your worries forever:
1. First step- Realize that the past is the past, that it is the thoughts about it that interfere with fully living in the present, planning the future. Of course, this is not easy, but you really want to breathe deeply again, do you?
2. Step two- sorry. Now it doesn't matter who is to blame for what happened in the past, and who hurt you: you or hurt you. It is impossible to turn back time, everything has already been done, and your current suffering will not change the fact. Mentally ask for forgiveness or forgive, you can go to church. If you have offended a person and you know how to contact him, you can call and apologize. And that's all. Turn the page. People have the right to make mistakes: you and your loved ones are no exception. If you think that what you did earlier is too serious or you have no one to apologize to, switch to caring for others. You cannot change what happened, but you can help others and make their lives better. Volunteering in orphanages, nursing homes or animal shelters - think in this direction.
3. Step three- don't be sorry. Regretting lost opportunities, wasted time, broken relationships is a road to nowhere. Regret, as well as self-pity, are generally extremely destructive feelings. Try to look at the situation from a different point of view: you have gained experience, you have learned from your mistakes, you will no longer allow this situation to happen again in your life. And you know what else? Suffering and constantly feeling sorry for yourself, you destroy not only your life, but also the life of your loved ones, who find it hard to see you in such a state. Don't you feel sorry for them?
Remind yourself often that our life goes in only one direction - to the future, nothing can be turned back. Thinking about what could have been is useless 4. Step four- reboot. If the pain is still fresh, you are bursting with negative emotions from within, do not try to be strong, allow yourself one day to scream, cry, break a cup in the end. You can go to the gym and beat a punching bag furiously. Throw the pain out - this will make it easier to forget the past and start living in the present.
5. Step five- replacement rule. Think about how much time and energy you waste on nothing - not letting go of past grievances and feeling sorry for yourself. Instead, you could change for the better. For starters, you can go to the salon, change your hair color, get a manicure, radically change your image, or search in the end. Sign up for driving courses, study foreign language, needlework. And most importantly, go in for sports. Perfectly eliminates unnecessary yoga thoughts. If you have new interests and hobbies in your life, there will simply be no room for regret and thoughts about the burden of the past.
In general, it seems to me that one of the most effective ways forget the past- to clear the physical space around you:, to conduct (read where p led me), to organize little things like books and ... past life you can actually physically feel how life is changing!
Getting rid of the burden of the past and letting go of past grievances is much easier than you now think, the main thing is to start acting right now. In less than a few days, you will be drawn into a new, happy and interesting life.
