Of course, it would be much worse if people were not embarrassed at all. But everything should be in moderation. It is believed that this trait is established in childhood. But not necessarily embedded in early age stays with forever. Influenced environment, various circumstances the child may not.
How can an adult stop being shy?
To answer this question, you need to find the reason. Why are adults shy? And those who are shy themselves can explain this to us best.
They most often say: “I won’t succeed,” “I can’t,” “I can’t handle it,” “I don’t know,” “I don’t know how.” Shy people lack self-confidence, they are overcome by fears, and they program themselves in advance for failure. For some reason they consider themselves worse than those around them and therefore are afraid of strangers.
But, if you look at it, the abilities of shy people are much higher than those of those around them. It turns out interestingly, some have very weak abilities, but they achieve great success, while others are very capable, but they never achieved anything.
So what's the secret?
Never lose your enthusiasm and presence of mind. If we, in infancy, after the first fall, had stopped trying to walk on our own and started thinking how funny we looked at that moment when we fell, we would not have learned to walk.
In order to stop being shy, don’t be afraid to make mistakes! Not after the first defeat, do not think about what others will say about you, take criticism calmly.
Analyze your failure and move on towards your goal. There are many famous and successful people were shy, but they managed from this quality. Thank God that getting rid of shyness does not require surgery.
There are many ways to get rid of shyness.
Firstly: you need to think less that you will definitely find yourself in some stupid situation.
Secondly: you should always try to be in public, not withdraw into yourself, communicate more with strangers.
Thirdly: always remember: everything that happens to you is your personal business, and the opinion of others is only their opinion, and it has nothing to do with you, and does not affect your personal in any way.
And most importantly, ask yourself: what could you achieve in your life if you weren’t shy? Try all these rules. After all, you are no longer a shy person - are you?!
Every year we have to communicate more and more with the people around us. After all, population density is constantly growing. So, how not to be shy to communicate with people is an important question for everyone shy person. After all, this fear can significantly ruin your life.
What causes the constraint in communicating with people?
This psychological problem, which can develop into. Embarrassment in front by different people caused by various factors acting on the subconscious, which include:
- Inferiority complex;
- Children's moral injury;
- Suggestion by someone (for example, parents who say that you are worse than others);
- Depression;
- Fear of being funny and pathetic.
You don't have to be afraid openly. Sometimes fears and problems are present in a person’s subconscious. At the same time, you experience problems when talking with people, and you yourself cannot understand what is going on.
To avoid this, you should not hush up your embarrassment. Look for the cause of its occurrence. It may be hidden somewhere inside you.
How to stop being shy about communicating with people?
To do this you must practice an integrated approach. Try to apply several actions in this direction at once.
Measures to combat embarrassment in front of people include:
- Being in society. Get used to people, don't be afraid of them;
- Training in front of a mirror. Look at yourself. You're not that bad!
- Humor. . Don't be afraid to be funny;
- Constant struggle. Even if you fail, try again;
- Completeness complex. Praise yourself and elevate yourself (in moderation);
- Passion for something. Find a hobby that gives you confidence (such as sports).
Try to knock out the “wedge with a wedge.” Ask passers-by how to get to such and such a street, pass it on public transport, make new friends on the Internet, walk along crowded streets. Over time, you will forget about embarrassment, becoming part of society.
How to overcome shyness in front of people?
Among other things, it is worth organizing a front of struggle in your soul. Never think about your failures, problems and stupidities. Consider yourself no worse than others.
Do not go over and overanalyze the situations in which you communicate with someone. Otherwise, you will obsess over it and the problem will get worse.
Don't think about how you will speak when communicating with someone. And don't look at yourself from the outside. Just do a simple action. And then your embarrassment will decrease.
Be positive, don't be boring, don't get depressed. These are the basic rules for dealing with any embarrassment.
When is it worth being shy?
Constraint is not always our enemy. After all, there are situations when this quality is quite normal.
For example, every person is embarrassed to meet people of the opposite sex. The main thing is that such embarrassment does not develop into fear.
You may also feel embarrassed to talk to a stranger. This is also quite natural. Thanks to this, a culture of communication exists.
Many people also feel shy in front of a teacher, employer or other boss. Therefore, you should not strive for complete emancipation.
See how much your problem interferes with your life, and only then declare war on it. With the right approach, you will quickly stop experiencing awkward sensations.
Shyness is a periodic mental state caused by a combination external factors and internal sense of self, manifests itself in behavioral reactions and is characteristic of both humans and animals. Shyness includes a whole set of traits that together form this character trait. These include tension, fearfulness, uncertainty due to a lack of social and communication skills, and a certain degree of awkwardness during social interaction.
The reasons for shyness always lie in the desire to hide one's true personality due to interaction, so a person is quite careful in his statements and manifestations. Because of this style of behavior, shyness is often mistaken for internal modesty, sophistication, restraint, and secular manners, but at the same time it is not an external reflection of the presence of these qualities, it is just a mask that looks like that.
There are several categories of manifestation of shyness: external (when a person is afraid to appear in society, attaches overvalued importance to public opinion, subordinates his own thoughts and actions to the assessments of others and is afraid of their condemnation) and internal (when a person is embarrassed in front of himself, the prerequisites for which are too strong feeling, lack of adequate self-perception and skills to cope with psychological problems).
Shyness is formed during personality development at the earliest stages. This can be served by the examples of parents and copying the model of interaction with the world and reactions to it. Another point that shapes these reactions is the process, which was traumatic or impoverished, which resulted in a lack of formation of the necessary social skills.
In addition to external ones, there are also internal reasons for shyness. TO psychological factors is serious, occurring at subconscious levels. An internal emotional storm arises, often caused by conflicting reactions or desires that are suppressed or the entire conflict is suppressed. At the same time, a person consciously chooses to follow the rules of society, which drown out his own - the level of tension grows, it becomes more and more difficult to find contact with society. The shyness caused by such experiences is comparable to a sealed steam boiler, which explodes after a certain pressure point. At the same time, the person is unlikely to be perceived as shy, and this will shock those around him.
Shyness is also caused by a disturbance in the metabolism of neurotransmitters in the brain and serves as a symptom of certain psychological pathologies. This condition is associated with weakness nervous system, hyperthymic accentuations of personality. When shyness is caused physiological indicators, usually requires drug therapy. If the condition is constantly expressed, and not situational shyness, psychotherapy is recommended.
What is shyness
Shyness is often seen as convenient and positive quality on the part of governing social structures. For example, at school a teacher will be more comfortable with the behavior of a shy child than of a self-confident tomboy. Exactly the same picture occurs at work and even in periodic friendly communication. But this quality is beneficial and useful only for others who are looking for their own benefit in contact; for a person, shyness is a direct path to artificially low self-esteem, increased and depressive state. That is why caring parents are looking for ways to overcome their child’s shyness, and not how best to take advantage of it.
Shyness is not an innate quality; all children from birth loudly express themselves, sincerely express desires and...
Shyness is not a basic condition, but is one of the social emotions and, accordingly, develops at the age when social mechanisms of interaction are mastered (usually this occurs between the ages of three and seven years). On the one hand, the behavior of parents and the style of education have an important influence: the more the child is pulled back, shortcomings are pointed out, and the initiative taken is criticized, the more likely shyness will be formed. With this approach, externally oriented shyness is formed, when a person is ashamed of himself, his actions and thoughts in front of others.
In addition to the direct external influence, parents influence by their example, when the child learns not from what he was told, but from what he sees. If parents lead a secluded lifestyle, social contacts show shyness, then the child develops an internal position aimed at disguising himself. In this context, we can talk about the internal orientation of shyness, shame in front of oneself for oneself.
Both options lead to an inability to build social contacts, which causes relationships with peers to deteriorate and shyness to worsen. It turns out vicious circle, where in order to overcome shyness, you need to show confidence, for which you need to overcome shyness.
But many children also master this social mechanism, like many others, from the standpoint of their own benefit. The more positive changes in the behavior of significant adults the child receives while being embarrassed, the more this personality quality will be consolidated in its structure. Manipulation by adults is the only way a child can influence the world, since direct confrontation is not yet available to him. If, embarrassed to take candy, the child receives two, then next time he will refuse several times not out of politeness, but in order to get more, and in such a way that adults consider it their own decision. In many cases, the justification of shyness with low self-esteem does not stand up to criticism, since this line of behavior is largely regulated and if a person stops receiving benefits, then the way of interaction changes.
The position of a victim, an unhappy person, belittling one’s own capabilities always brings benefits - they will take pity on such a person, do the work for him, and give him the most delicious piece. They will not make high demands or will give disproportionately large rewards for small efforts.
Accordingly, before deciding to get rid of shyness or fight this quality in others, it is necessary to find out the formation of such a position. In cases of biological validity, a person will need support and assistance, and in the case of manipulative behavior, on the contrary, he will be given full responsibility and a peremptory style of communication.
How to get rid of shyness
If shyness is justified by psychological factors, then the first way to solve this problem is to become aware of its presence and one’s own influence on the emergence and development of this situation.
Shyness is a character trait that is not something immutable and constant, just like the strength of the nervous system is a special response model, a habit that has become comfortable, certain style thinking. Just as a person reinforces the development of a response mode, he can reduce its impact. To reduce the number of such manifestations, you will have to remember at what exact moment the decision was made to benefit this method response. Most likely, this was a justified situation in childhood, when only such a reaction could be successful, but now the person has become more mature and different situations occur, accordingly new methods are needed.
How to get rid of shyness? To understand what is happening to you at the moment of embarrassment, you need to listen to yourself very delicately. Note what other feelings arise at this moment, what happens to the physical sensation (tension or tension may appear), how quickly it develops this feeling and in what situations. Perhaps, given this detailed analysis you will have childhood memories of some situations, people, phrases, characteristics in your direction. All this needs to be noted so that you can change it later.
Next, in order to change your own reactions, you need to change at least one of the components of your habitual response. That is, if in a familiar situation, when you begin to feel shy, your breathing quickens, then you can make a conscious effort to breathe as slowly and deeply as possible. If an unpleasant feeling appears in the chest area, you can mentally move it to your hands and shake it off. When critical voices pop up, imagine what the cartoon voices are saying. The more things you can consciously change, the more different your final response will be.
In addition to working in the immediate situation, it is necessary to work with internal beliefs regarding self-perception and internal sensation of the situation. This even works when asking how to overcome a child’s shyness.
You can do sports and change your image, you can enroll in a studio of like-minded people or ask specialists to highlight your strengths and attractive features. The more you develop, both physically and mentally, the higher your positive self-perception. It is also important what kind of people you surround yourself with: the fewer reproaching and humiliating individuals, the less reason you have to constantly hang your head in embarrassment.
You can search in your coordinates for an image of a person or hero whom you would like to emulate. On the one hand, this will help to develop tactics for achievement, to learn what this person can do. On the other hand, it is useful to analyze where you got this particular reference image from and check how much it is yours, since external ideals are often instilled in us in childhood, and they have nothing to do with the personality we have at the moment.
When the example is truly chosen by you and corresponds to a valid value and semantic system, try to live a day like this person. You don't have to do much, just play the role, try on the character and feel what it's like to be in that role. You may feel that you were more comfortable in your previous life, and you may feel how easy it is to show confidence and express yourself.
Be prepared for the changes to take a long time. It is impossible to be shy for twenty years, and after one exercise show super-leadership qualities. This will be daily painstaking work, not only directly with the sensations at the moment of constraint, but also with the global experience of life and oneself in it.
How to overcome shyness and self-doubt
When shyness is closely related to uncertainty, then you will have to act in the direction of both problems. Before going on a huge stage to work on your own confidence, you need to feel comfortable around your loved ones. To do this, start making them happy, doing pleasant surprises, and without looking for a reason for this. The desire to improve the lives of others is a great reason to connect, and the positive feedback you receive will definitely lift your spirits and self-confidence.
Play sports and physical activity. This will not only improve your well-being due to the release of endorphins, but will also improve appearance and that part of confidence that comes with it. Discover new things not only in your area physical capabilities, but also social contacts, look for your people with whom you will be comfortable and pleasant. There are many opportunities for this even in a small town - and it is better to have ten virtual friends who understand, appreciate and support than thirty who are physically nearby but constantly humiliating.
Setting big goals and making plans is an important part of developing confidence and overcoming shyness. Remember that each goal must have its own implementation plan and deadlines. It is important that in any goal or assessment of your actions you begin to focus only on own desires and judgments. What others say is not always the truth, many criticisms are justified, and the devaluation of your plans, goals, dreams is limited. Only the level of your own satisfaction should be the key to understanding whether you are moving in the right direction.
Record your successes with the help of received certificates or photographs of things actually done. Even if your goal was to improve your own health, this can be noted by changes in examination indicators, improvement in physical fitness with photographs before starting classes and after a month of training. This applies not only to achievements in the field of development, but also in social contacts - take pictures with new friends, celebrate the month of friendship with interesting person. The more you can see the results of your success, the more you will be able to move forward. If you don’t do this, then due to the peculiarities of perception, over time the good is erased, and the negative moments remain in the memory and you may get the feeling that life is not changing.
Spend some time removing muscle blocks with massage, physical exercise or body-oriented therapy sessions. This is very important point, since any shyness is associated with control, which also locks the body and leaves tension in the muscles. The more relaxed the body becomes, the easier it will become to interact with the world, the more freely it will be to manifest as individuals.
It is better to start solving a problem with analysis. Therefore, take the time to remember and write down all the situations in which you feel constrained. Be very specific. Instead of “talking to people,” specify what kind of people you are talking about: strangers, members of the opposite sex, or those in authority.
When you break a problem down into parts, it seems more solvable.
Then try ranking the situations you wrote down in order of increasing anxiety (calling a stranger is likely less anxiety-inducing than speaking in front of an audience).
In the future, this list can be used as a plan to combat shyness. Starting small, you will overcome increasingly difficult situations for you. And with each new victory, the feeling of confidence will grow, and shyness, accordingly, will decrease.
2. Capture your strengths
Another list that will help you in the battle with embarrassment should concern your positive qualities. As a rule, the cause of shyness is... Fight it mercilessly by reminding yourself of your own brilliance (this is not a joke).
Try to find the downside even to shortcomings. It may be difficult for you to conduct a long monologue, but you are an excellent listener. This communication skill can and should also be used.
3. Decide on a goal
Any action becomes much more effective when it is purposeful. It is clear that constant embarrassment interferes with your life, but you need to explain to yourself exactly how it interferes with you. It is possible that the formulated goal will become an impetus for overcoming the old problem.
Even though I perform, write, and host a radio show, I am an introvert at heart. But as the head of the company, I had to talk about our products and services. It required me to come out of my shell and deliver a message to the world. I overcame my shyness by realizing that only I could ensure that my message was delivered correctly. After realizing this fact, I took steps to make it easier for myself public performance and meeting new people.
Eric Holtzclaw
4. Exercise
Skills need to be honed, and those that interfere with life need to be systematically eradicated. All this applies to both sociability and shyness. Here are some ideas that you can use as a kind of workout.
- Reprogram yourself. Imagine that your shyness is a program in your brain that is launched in response to certain situations, and you, as a computer user, have the power to influence this process. Try to go backwards and do the opposite of what you are used to. Do you want to hide in a corner at a party? Get into the thick of things. Have you caught yourself thinking that you are taking a defensive position in a conversation? Try asking your interlocutor a few questions.
- Talk to strangers. Try to talk to one stranger (preferably a random passer-by) at least once a day. You'll likely never see him again, so feel free to sharpen your communication skills on him.
- In general, communicate more. Try to take every opportunity to connect with people. Tell jokes, agree to speak, say hello to people you often meet but never greet.
- Warm up before an important conversation. Do you want to talk to someone? specific person at a party, but are you afraid to approach him? Practice on people present who cause less embarrassment. If we are talking about getting to know each other, try to tell them everything that you plan to say in front of the desired person. After such a rehearsal, it will be easier to speak.
- And always be prepared for public speaking. But don't limit yourself to just repeating the speech. Visualize your future success with your audience. This will give you confidence.
5. Focus on others
The problem with shy people is that they think too much about themselves and the impression they will make on others. Try to redirect the flow of thoughts from yourself to others. Be interested, ask, empathize. When you are focused on another person, anxiety about your own behavior fades into the background.
6. Try new things
Get out of your comfort zone. Firstly, this step will have a positive impact on your self-esteem, and secondly, it will diversify your life. You can enroll in a sports section or art courses. Another great option is improvisation workshops. Such activities help to relax.
7. Watch your body language
Making eye contact, correct posture, being loud and clear speech, as well as a smile and a firm handshake, communicate to others that you are confident and open. Moreover, with these signals you trick your brain a little and really begin to feel more free.
8. Say “no” less often
A lot has been said about. But shy people, on the contrary, should avoid it. Their refusal (expressed in both word and action) is often dictated by fear of the unknown and an unreasonable fear of shame. If you want to stop being shy, learn to say “yes” to the opportunities that life presents.
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10. Don't advertise your shyness.
You should not concentrate your and other people's attention on the fact that you have problems with communication. This is how you label yourself and subconsciously reinforce the attitude that shyness is your permanent trait.
Even if others notice your embarrassment, pretend that it is an accident, talk about it frivolously, and not as a serious problem. Are you starting to blush? Say that this is a feature of your body, and not a reaction to stress. And never describe yourself to strangers as a shy person. Let them form their own opinion and notice your other, more interesting features.
Do you know other ways to stop being shy? Tell us about them in the comments.
Feelings of shyness, embarrassment and awkwardness can take anyone by surprise. This does not depend at all on whether you are an introvert or an extrovert by nature. Perhaps this happens more often with people of a more quiet and modest disposition, but in life anything can happen. And an extrovert can get into a situation that puts you in an awkward position and makes you feel shy. Shyness is very closely related to such feelings as awkwardness, excessive modesty, shyness, and constraint.
Where does this feeling come from?
As soon as you go out in public or find yourself in an unfamiliar circle of people, shyness overcomes you and you can’t do anything about it. You begin to experience it when your attention is excessively focused only on yourself. You track your every step, gesture, words, and begin to control all your actions. And it begins to seem to you that all the attention and glances of people are focused on you, and they notice your every flaw. Such narcissism causes excessive sensitivity to any words of others, and this makes you feel even more shy and constrained.
Let's look at the feeling of shyness from a psychological point of view. This feeling is based on three components: excessive awkwardness, low self-esteem, negative self-attention. The feeling of awkwardness arises from the fact that you are constantly trying to control yourself everywhere and in everything, especially in the company of new people. Low self-esteem is formed from the fact that you see only your negative sides and traits. Negative self-attention is created in situations when you did something differently than you would like, made a mistake, made a mistake in public.
Is it possible to cope with shyness?
Coping is not only possible, but necessary. Below we will describe methods that will help you with this.
1. Understand the reasons for the formation of shyness
Observe this feeling, when it occurs, under what circumstances, why and how it manifests itself in you. Understanding yourself is the first and most important step to any change or improvement in life. The answers to these questions will become the basis for further work on yourself.
2. Give up the habit of constantly evaluating yourself
How I look, how I stand, what I say, do I behave this way, how do I look from the outside, and what others think about me... Constant control of yourself and the situation will keep you in constant tension and constraint. You will not be able to relax or communicate easily with other people. Nobody evaluates you; people, in fact, pay little attention to each other. Everyone is busy with their thoughts and themselves, and they don’t care about you. So you can breathe freely, no one is watching you closely. Instead, direct your attention inward. Just watch your thoughts.
3. Try to see your strengths
Undoubtedly, each of us has our own unique characteristics and qualities. Find them in yourself, look at yourself from the outside, what do you have that you could be proud of. This will help you improve your low self-esteem and restore your self-confidence. Focus your attention on your strengths until you realize your originality and uniqueness.
4. Learn to accept yourself
Only after you do this will you like yourself again. Stop self-criticism. Love yourself for being an individual, because there is no such person in the entire Universe, and there never will be again. Learn to like yourself, accept your body, your face with all its advantages and disadvantages.
5. Observe people
To shift your focus away from yourself, try to pay attention to the people around you, especially when you are in crowded places and a feeling of awkwardness creeps into you. During a conversation, be extremely attentive to what your interlocutor says, how he expresses his thoughts, and how he behaves in society. This will tell you how to behave.
6. Say only good things about yourself
It's no secret that any spoken word carries a certain energy that can influence you. What we often repeat about ourselves is what we become. This happens unconsciously. But you can make this process conscious by repeating some positive statements and affirmations. Gradually, it will take root in you and work for your benefit. If you tell yourself every day that you are sociable, brave, active people, who enjoy spending time around other people, this will happen. You will be able to verify their effectiveness and efficiency for your personal growth.
7. Pay attention to moments when you feel shy
After conversations, cases and different situations, where you were shy and felt awkward, analyze them. You need to learn to take advantage of each such moment, work through them in a way that reveals yourself. You can always turn a situation around to your advantage, using every mistake as an opportunity to work on yourself. Just be an observer of your feelings.
8. Don't be afraid when they tell you no.
Very often it is in such situations that a person feels awkward and shy. After a refusal, people are afraid to ask or ask for something again. However, you should not be afraid of refusals; it all depends on your attitude towards them. Do not take them painfully; be prepared that they may say no to your request. Absolutely everyone in this life is denied, and you are no exception. Learn to accept rejections and react calmly to them. No, no, ask someone else for what you need. Learn from this for yourself and draw conclusions. By the way, it would also be a good idea for you to learn how to refuse people soft form. Being trouble-free is a thankless task that is not valued by anyone.
9. Don't demand too much from yourself
When a person sets a high standard for himself and fails to cope with it, and as a result he will be disappointed in himself and his abilities. Set realistic goals that you can achieve. Every small victory will develop your self-confidence. Self-esteem will begin to grow, and then you will be able to achieve much more.
10. Don't compare yourself to other people
Everyone is good in their own special way. We are all created different, and when you compare, you erase your individuality and uniqueness. The very desire to be like someone has a negative effect on you. New complexes and condemnations arise. You are beautiful exactly the way you were created, why should you be like anyone else.
11. Start performing in public
This is a great method to quickly overcome shyness. Learn to express your opinion, speak first among friends and acquaintances, then at meetings and meetings with strangers or unfamiliar people. You can continue to perform at large quantities of people. Just prepare your speech in advance to be sure. Meet new people, thanks to this you will develop your communication skills.
12. And lastly, be sure to complete the following task
Think, or better yet, write down somewhere all your successes, victories, achievements that you have had. When you write all this down, you will be surprised how much you have accomplished unnoticed. Return often to this list of your victories. This will restore your self-confidence. Shyness grows because you do not believe in yourself, that you are capable of much. But when you look at this list of successes, even if they are small, you will be pleased with yourself. And this is the most important thing. Love, value yourself, work on your qualities and fight complexes. And you will certainly succeed.
