Many people often face the fact that they cannot solve this or that problem in their life. It can be both a simple, everyday task, and a really very important issue. Of course, we will not be able to give answers on how to solve your particular problem, however, we will reveal some secrets of how to independently find the answer to all your questions and solve the problem. To do this, we will give you 12 important rules for edification.
Well, let's not waste time and get started right away.
- Set Your Priorities . That is, decide what is more important for you in this or that life situation. Solve all problems one by one. Trying to do everything at once often ends in failure.
- Define the problem itself . Be sure to think about what will be an indicator for you to solve this problem. If it is positive, then the problem can be solved, and if there is no result at all, then you have no problem at all, but only a trifle that can be easily overcome.
- Make a plan to solve the problem . Moreover, it should be detailed, with a description of the possible consequences and different solutions. In simple words, provide, if not all, then most of what you can expect on the way to solving the problem.
- Estimate the time to complete each item of the plan . This is very important, because sometimes it is necessary to solve the problem as quickly as possible, but we simply forget about it.
- Keep a Problem Solving Diary . There, write down in detail your plan for solving the problem, the time for solving it, possible consequences, etc. This will help you see your problem and its solution visually.
- Consider the cost of delay . What are the consequences of your delays? What is the risk of not solving the problem at all? Such thoughts will give you a good incentive to act, and as quickly as possible.
- Do a time analysis of your life . Where can I find time, what cases can be combined, how much time do you need to solve? This is very important to consider so that one problem does not affect other areas of life.
- Act decisively . If you decide to change something in your life, then you need to do it. Otherwise, the effect of an unfinished action will torment you for a long time.
- Don't be afraid of anything . Only the one who does nothing, who expects the problem to solve itself or lead to an even greater failure, is afraid. And if you solve the problem, then believe me, you should not be afraid of something. A negative result is also a result.
- Always think about how to solve the problem effectively now . You should not dream and think that the answer will be found by itself - you need to be realistic. And act, here and now.
- If you solved the problem, then look at the consequences . They will help you find out if you have found the right solution. And even if your decision is not correct, do not be upset. Now you know exactly what not to do, and this will help you avoid mistakes in the future. Anyway, life goes on! This is also very important to remember.
- Praise yourself . If the decision is correct, then do not forget to praise yourself that you did everything right. This will help both your self-esteem and problem solving in the future.
Here are some tips to help you solve the problem. It all depends on you, don't forget it.
There are several categories of people who deal with their problems in different ways:Some turn a blind eye to problems and simply ignore them.
Others begin to whimper and complain, suggesting to themselves in advance that the problem that has arisen cannot be solved.
And, finally, the third ones gather all their will into a fist and try to solve the problem that has arisen with a stake.
That it is easier for people belonging to the last category to overcome difficulties is clear and obvious. It is gratifying that belonging to any of the groups is a fixable matter. So, if you are more of the first or second category of people and you don't like it, you can change it. What is needed for this? - A little patience and practice. Further you will find useful settings and absolutely concrete steps to constructively solve problems of any complexity.
Tip 1: Don't ask "Can I...", ask "How?" and what?"
Many people, when faced with difficulties, ask themselves:
can i do it?
is it even possible to do this?
But won't it get worse if I try to change something?
These thoughts are understandable. The more difficult the task and the more threatening the problem, the stronger the doubt. We are not sure whether we have enough strength and ability to solve this problem.
In principle, thinking about the limits of one's own capabilities is not a bad thing. Only when it comes to the moment when it is necessary to take action, the activity of such people for some reason slows down or they simply give up until the problem becomes difficult, which it really was not.
Try to approach the problem from a different angle. Not one that makes you feel like you're standing in front of an insurmountable wall, but one that opens doors to different possibilities for solving a particular problem. Better ask yourself:
how can i do it better?
what would i do to solve the problem?
What exactly do I need to solve the problem?
Who or what can help me?
what could be the first step in solving the problem?
Although questions of this nature do not solve the problem itself, you are still moving in the right direction. And if you think more about possible solutions than about your limits, it will give you strength and awaken the feeling that you yourself can build and organize your own life.
If you constantly replace the thought "Can I ..." with "How?" and “What?”, you will have a good starting base for active problem solving.
Tip 2: Learn to find the positive in your problems.
If we have a problem, then we would probably like to postpone it for another day or forget about it altogether. We view problems as annoying and just want to get rid of them like garbage. In doing so, we forget one thing: every problem constantly provides us with opportunities to grow as a person and learn from it.
Accordingly, a useful step in solving problems is to regard them as learning tasks and strive to learn how to love and solve these problems. This is probably even less theoretical than it sounds - since in fact every person does this in certain areas of activity.
Someone, for example, who is starting to learn a sport or musical instrument immediately encounters great difficulties. People who look at an unattained goal come into conflict with themselves and their abilities. They are unhappy that they are not so good, they spend a lot of energy on self-criticism. At the same time, their passion quickly passes and they give up.
It is different for those who love their work and are trying to expand this love. Despite some failures and mistakes, they still enjoy their studies and thus find the strength to continue the struggle.
For the next solutions to problems that seem very difficult to you, the following questioning can help you:
What is positive about this problem (for me or others)?
What will I learn from this problem (task)?
What experience will I get that I wouldn't have without solving this problem?
How much will my horizons and my abilities expand when solving this problem?
Tip 3: If you understand the essence of the problem, you will already solve it halfway
Many people, without understanding the problem, often choose the wrong way to solve it. As a result, these paths lead to a dead end, since they did not fit the problem at all.
Let's say you have a conflict with a work colleague. You ask yourself what the problem is and come to the conclusion that your colleague is jealous of you because you get more money for the same job. And whatever measures you take, they would not lead to a solution to the conflict, since hatred in this case is not a problem, but a consequence.
Indeed, in reality it is not easy to understand the essence of the problem. We readily forget that problems almost always have several causes and factors. Of course, it would be much easier if we were dealing with unambiguous cause and effect. As a rule, the problem is a system that includes various factors and actions.
So try to remember that most things are much more difficult than you give them credit for. This is a useful thought that protects against hasty and thoughtless decisions.
So, try to resist the idea that you already know exactly what the problem is. Once again, start from the beginning, feel the problem, look at it from different points of view, analyzing it in this way:
This is how I would describe the problem:
What else can we talk about besides this:
and if you think about it, you can come to this ...
who and what is involved in the problem ...
What else could have an impact...
what has already been done before to solve the problem, and what did it lead to ...
Tip 4: Be open to different possibilities
This tip has a lot to do with tip #3. If you accept that problems are more complex than they appear at first glance, it becomes easier to understand that, as a rule, more than one solution leads to a solution to a problem - and certainly not the first one that comes to mind.
Eagerness to find suitable solution to the problem is clear. But it just as quickly leads to a loop on one possible solution path. In some cases, this can lead nowhere and exacerbate the problem. It often happened that people were so focused on the chosen solution path that they did not even notice that the problem had already been completed at an intermediate stage.
you think about the problem much more intensively;
you do not run too far in one direction, but remain mentally flexible;
in practice, you have various opportunities at your disposal, and you will not doubt if the chosen path will lead to success.
So, don't close yourself to other solutions. Use creative methods to come up with different ideas. Write down all your ideas, and even those that seem crazy to you - who knows, maybe they are the solution to the problem.
Tip 5: Courage to think creatively
This advice has already been partly used in tip #4, but it is so important that it should be specifically placed in a separate question.
So, "thinking creatively" means coming up with out-of-the-ordinary ideas, ideas that are often not understood or accepted by others, as well as having the courage to come up with crazy ideas and develop seemingly false paths.
You can’t learn this in one day, but there are still a number of aids, thanks to which you can begin to develop this quality in yourself, for example:
Ask people who have no idea about your problem at all for their ideas. Often, even naive and simple-minded people come up with brilliant ideas that we ourselves could not come up with because of some prevailing ideas.
Just turn your problem around. And instead ask, “What can I do to make the relationship better?” - "What can I do to make the relationship worse?" Thanks to this, you see problems in a new light. Although it sounds crazy, this is the way people often come up with ideas they couldn't find in the first question.
Give free rein to your fantasies and associations. State the problem differently. Open a dictionary or lexicon on any page and randomly select a term. It doesn't matter if the term is relevant to your problem. Write down all associations between this term and your problem.
Please note: training is needed to achieve perfect new thought. Don't expect too much of yourself right away, but just openly and curiously explore this kind of thinking. And everything will work out!
What makes a problem unsolvable?
An unsolvable problem looks when a person 1) does not know how to solve it 2) knows, but cannot.
Let's deal with the first point first.
A person does not know how to solve a problem, does not see a solution.
This is the most difficult, nervous and unpleasant condition. When he already knows, but cannot, it is easier, it is clear what to do, the task is to gather strength. And not knowing how, a person rushes about and looks for someone who could help him see these paths. He goes to friends, looks for an answer on the Internet, makes an appointment with a psychologist.
In I have already given a universal recipe for finding solutions to any problem. To do this, it is enough to change the external locus to the internal one when considering this problem.
The explanation for this miracle is simple. A person does not know "how" when the description of the problem is beyond his influence. It is necessary to locate the problem within its own boundaries, and a solution will appear.
Look again at the examples of how the locus changes and the problems are reformulated.
Problem: "The woman I love doesn't love me."
This problem is unsolvable, because its solution is outside the boundaries of human influence, it is about what the other person does or does not do, in this case- does not love.
How to reformulate this problem by changing the locus?
There are several options. “I worry because of the dislike of a woman” - and then the problem is experiences. You can work with feelings, you can work with suffering self-esteem, bitterness and fear of the collapse of relationships. “It seems to me that they don’t love me” - and then the problem is to figure out if they love me. Although in the latter case it is important to understand why you need to figure it out? What will he do with this knowledge? Will he leave, will he try to restore the balance? If the first, it makes sense to find out, and if the second, you can work on the balance without this knowledge.
There is a more or less general formulation for such problems, which requires an understanding of the concept of imbalance: “I am in the red in these respects” - and then the problem is its own minus, you can work with it. This work concerns the reduction of one's dependence on a person and the formation of one's person in his field, more significant than now. The second is the ability to even go a little beyond the boundaries, remaining in the internal locus (from the point of view of psychology, this is "magic", but has a scientific explanation, that is, it does not concern anything supernatural).
The inner locus is a spacesuit that allows you to go to any airless space and visit alien planets. Within the limits of one's own planet (its borders) - the locus is already internal, the spacesuit is replaced by the atmosphere.
Let's look at another problem: loss of a job (any loss of anything or anyone, even a wife)
In the internal locus, this problem will look like "experiencing the loss" and / or "search for a replacement." With one and the other problem, and even with both at once, you can work. Nothing can be done about losing a job. The work is already lost, it is beyond the influence of man. But a person can do something with his experiences: he must find ways to switch, compensate, comfort, cope with the injury inflicted on him (raise self-esteem, restore his integrity, renew protection, and so on)
Speaking of trauma. Having an injury problem, it is very important to keep in the inner locus again. The injury has already been inflicted (or so it seems, it doesn’t matter), you can’t rewind it back, the task is to remove everything Negative consequences, recover. (Either you need to formulate the problem not as "my injury", but in another way, for example, "the struggle for the rights of other injured people"). In the treatment of trauma, "revenge" or "forgiveness" is different ways restoration of internal integrity, it is important to find the way that will be most effective, but do not forget about the future. Some believe that integrity cannot be restored without revenge, but this is far from always the case. Some are sure that trying to take revenge, you will always lose more. This is also not always the case. It is important to consider your situation and carefully understand why you want revenge, what exactly it will restore or not restore, very often it gives only the illusion of restoring “justice” and “self-respect”, but sometimes not only an illusion, and then the question is only in finding adequate ways.
But this separate topic, and if everyone is very interested in it, I will tell you more later.
The locus always needs to be moved, even when it seems that it is impossible to move it inward. There is always at least part of the problem that can be shifted within its own boundaries. Everything that is beyond the borders is unsolvable, inaccessible, does not deserve long-term attention, because nothing can be done.
Of course, knowing the solution is still very little in order to solve the problem. There must be more strength. Therefore, I wrote at the beginning of the post that the problem is unsolvable when a person does not know how, or knows, but cannot. In order to find the means to solve a problem that is in the internal locus, that is, within the limits of one's own influence, it is important to understand what blocks the forces. As a rule, this is either 1) frustration (apathy), or 2) fear, which is also uncertainty.
How to overcome or deceive frustration and how to cope with fear and self-doubt to solve the problem, I will tell.
In the meantime, there are tasks for you on the topic “changing an external locus to an internal one”.
Reframe the following problems to change the locus from external to internal. There may not be one, but several.
1. “Coworker gets tired of stupid talk at work”
2. “Mother is constantly climbing with unnecessary advice”
3. "The child does not want to do homework"
4. “Husband is offended by too rare and boring sex”
5. “Nothing interesting happens in life”
6. "Wife is constantly nagging about money"
7. "The boss is a fool"
The black stripe can become a takeoff
We all face problems from time to time. Sometimes some situations and circumstances seem hopeless to us. I want to run away, close, forget everything that happened. But is it worth it?
After all, then the lesson will be repeated again. There is another way to get into a problem, think about it day and night, shed tears, pour it over, drink it or eat it, in general, disguise it with something. And find the culprits!
Complaining about the problem and looking for someone to blame will also only take away our strength and energy and lead us away from solving the problem.
It is also important to remember that the more we resist, the more the situation will escalate and become more complicated.
Need to find a way out! And it's better not to be alone. As they say, from any hopeless situation there are at least three favorable exits.
What are the ways to solve problems, and how to choose the most suitable one, or maybe combine them?
1. View from the side.
This method involves an independent search for information. Throughout history, man has found solutions to a great many problems. And he recorded the results of his decisions on material media: papyrus, paper, stone, computer.
When solving a problem, it is advisable, first of all, to independently turn to sources of endless information.
2. Contact a specialist.
We live in a society, we are surrounded by thousands of people, each of whom is an expert in some field. Psychologist, tarot reader, astrologer, coach, psychic, there are even problem solvers.
A specialist in solving "problems in general" differs from them only in that he works with problems that require not extensive knowledge and extensive experience in a narrow area, but only quick wits, accuracy, common sense, some basic ideas, general problem-solving skills and, of course, inspiration.
Undoubtedly, someone has already encountered the problem that you have. Most likely, they have already been solved by someone, and many times.
The work of a professional saves you time and nerves, but a good professional is expensive, and dependence on a psychologist can develop when a person has not solved his problems, and does not solve them.
3. Ask for help from people close to you.
This way of solving problems is one of the most traditional. The method is quite reliable, since these are people with whom you enjoy communication. Often such communication can reassure, give support.
Tell your family, friends, people you really trust. They will always be ready to help - with advice, deed. This is much better than drowning in negative thoughts and experiences.
This is a good opportunity to get an "outside view". The main thing is not to be intrusive and always be ready to provide such assistance yourself. 
4. Change focus.
Often we are too close and too emotionally involved in a problem to see and appreciate it from a good perspective. Try to look at the problem as an outside observer. With more wide view you will see more possibilities.
Often we think about the problem, savor it in the brain, focus on it, but it is not solved. We try to decide with the mind, drowning out intuition. In order for it to be solved, it is necessary to remove attention from the problem, remove importance.
The contents of automatic writing are very often drawings, incomprehensible signs, circles and, of course, texts.
All you have to do is write down whatever comes to mind. This should be done from 20 minutes to an hour. The main meaning and purpose of the process of automatic writing is to surrender to the flow of sensations you perceive.
Understanding the problem and a way out of it will come in the letter itself.
6. Ho'oponopono.
Hooponopono is the ancient Hawaiian art of problem solving. Translated from the Hawaiian language, the word "hooponopono" means "correct a mistake" or "put everything in its place." There are four statements that you must repeat over and over again, non-stop:
"I'm really sorry".
"Please forgive me".
"I love you".
"Thank you".
If you don't like something in another person, then it is in you too. Your job is to get rid of it. When you succeed, the other person will also change.
When you use Ho'oponopono, you are not clearing a person, place, or event, but neutralizing the energy associated with that person, place, or event. The advantage of this method is that everything happens inside you, no intermediary is needed.
7. Constellations.
This method was developed by the German psychotherapist Bert Hellinger. Arrangement is an effective method that allows you to easily and visually identify the problem.
Using this method, it is possible to discover the reasons that bind a person to a certain system of relations, limit freedom of action and impede personal development, preventing him from building his own life.
With the help of the arrangement, you can analyze what is happening to you, find an effective solution in your situation and
8. Reincarnation.
« If there is a problem, you need to dive deep into it. Then you will either find the treasure, if it is there at all, or you will find a single void there. In both cases, you will be rich.
Finding a treasure will naturally make you rich. Finding emptiness, you end it all”, - this is Osho as if about reincarnation.
It is immersion in oneself, in one's memories, that this method presupposes. There can be no other people's answers, ready-made solutions. Reincarnation is looking for the root of the problem, and through time and space. And then it's up to the small - the decision.
Vladimir Zhikarentsev:
If we have the strength to create a problem or illness in our lives, then we have the strength to solve that problem.
Remembering past lives , you will realize that you have dealt with a similar problem more than once, and if not, then you will realize what result the approach that you have already used has led to. Perhaps the recurring situation lasts for more than one life.
Often the problem is that the block stores a resource, creativity, the very treasure, having discovered which, you will no longer be the same. And no matter where and when you left it, it is yours, and you can use it at any time.
All you need to use this problem-solving method is trust in yourself, a good guide, and the Internet.
Reincarnation also involves self-help, self-immersion, which means you yourself can become a problem solver and help others.
There is always a way out. And the most amazing thing is that you know it. You know how to solve the most difficult problem, how to find a way out of the most difficult and confusing situation.
It is possible and necessary to learn from problems, to create and discover those opportunities that otherwise would not be revealed.
