The world is not ideal, and people are not angels - this simple truth we all have to learn even in early childhood. Dislike for a person most often does not exempt from the need to communicate with him, work in a team and even ask for services. Specialists claim that with the most an unpleasant person You can build a good relationship. Let's try to figure out how to do it.
5 reasons learn to get along with unpleasant people
- Own nerves. If communication with people is still impossible to avoid, it makes sense to make it more pleasant. This will help save nerve cells And do not think about what they are not restored. Of course, this is a joke. But stress, which is experiencing a person when communicating with unpleasant interlocutors, does not lead to comic consequences.
- Maintain your own authority. When we show signs that we are unpleasant to communicate, it reduces our authority in the eyes of others. Any constructive discussion can turn into mutual accusations, insults and loss of respect. You need it? Unlikely.
- Solution of problems. Features of human psychology are such that people often refuse to solve problems in order not to communicate with those who are unpleasant to them. It does not improve the situation and complicates life in general.
- Lack of choice. During consultation, psychologists often find out that their visitors suffer from communicating with unpleasant people, but forced to endure, because You do not have to choose. Please accept as given that on the way to your goal, during the career growth period you do not always choose the environment. It is under the influence of external factors.
- Ability to adapt. Psychology of behavior depends on. Take the idea that you yourself crave learning to get along with unpleasant people, because You dream to get a new skill that helps you better adapt in society. Try to experience the real excitement!
There are simple techniques, how can you simplify communication with unpleasant people and even make them your allies:
- Avoid "Dangerous" topics and look neutral, and better pleasant. If you used to be hot to argue about something, do not remind about it. It is better to ask benevolent questions about work, hobby, family, children's successes.
- let's spoke. Your task is to seem a pleasant interlocutor, which means that they say less and listen more. Smile, nod and ... pose. You may need to better understand people and learn how to maintain the conversation.
- Watch Beyond the language of the body. Control gestures that give your disinterest or dislike in a conversation: less. Rate, do not look at the clock, do not take closed pos. Relax!
- Do not yazvite. You may seem like sarcasm talks about your sense of humor. Forget! This is an attack form, and the answer will not make yourself wait.
- Do not take anything to your account. Sometimes it seems that sarcastic statements are aimed at you personally, but this is not always the case. Abstract!
- Rest. Communication with an unpleasant person is very tired, so make pauses and breaks.
- Refer For advice or ask about the shallow service. The psychology of a person is that we involuntarily experience sympathy for people who recognize our significance. Request about the advice or service - the most reliable way Stress your respect and conquer confidence.
- Find Something good and tell about it. No matter how many people were unpleasant, he probably knows how to do something well. Find these positive moments and say compliments when it is appropriate.
Follow simple recommendationsYou can stop infinite confrontation with unpleasant people. You will be able to arrange them to yourself, and they themselves are better to treat them. It is possible that yesterday's opponent and the "enemy" will become your friend and the advice. So often happens.
If the world was perfect, then every person with whom you had to communicate, would be fun, attentive, kind, generous and had ten more positive qualities. In humans, there would be no envy, caustial, anger, and there would be war on the planet. Unfortunately, we live in other reality: with wars and evil people. And instead of complaining, you have to adapt. The realization that people around us are imperfect can upset. But at the same time, the understanding of this prepares to communicate and interact with unpleasant personalities.
There are 7 proven ways to help interact with complex people Without unnecessary nervous and scandals, without spending their energy and nerves.
1. Do Pause
Many of us tend to take impulsive solutions that are not disrupted by reason, but feelings. After that, it is necessary to deal with the consequences. During a quarrel, we do not depart; We do not make a pause when we criticize us; Immediately begin to defend, instead of finding out what caused the cause of the failure. This behavior crashes not only business connections, but also friendship, relationships, even families. The secret is that we must learn to take a small pause to give yourself time to cool and think over the answer. After you are criticized, I immediately want to join the verbal battle and prove to the wrong side that you did everything possible, and your guilt is not. And even if you are right, the impulsiveness and emotionality, with which you will give information, will become your enemy.
Having made a small pause, you calm down and think a competent answer. You can also soberly assess the situation, and if your fault is really in a particular failure, you will start working on errors. Pause can discourage the opponent a little, besides, it will be beneficial to him. Do not fall out the first thing that comes to mind, and you will not fall into the trap told the words.
2. Save neutrality
As soon as you decide that you do not like special personThen, any of his action or phrase becomes irritants. It will seem awkward, stupid and eventually will begin to clarify every atom of your nature. But think about something: the person you don't love is, is someone's son, my favorite brother, perhaps, by the Father. In essence, he is a good guy who has become a victim of your subjective relationship. Someone loves him and waits for a call or messages from this person.
You should not love him, but get rid of prejudice and treat those who are unpleasant to you, without any emotion. Sometimes the one who first made a terrible impression, in the future it turns out to be a glorious guy, and formed by you negative attitude It may become a barrier impeding normal communication. Do not concentrate on the negative and believing to the annoying people are neutral. Thanks to this approach, communicate with them will be much easier and you will not be so critical to the actions and words of these people.
3. Instead of ultimatums, use "What, if ..."
If you have a dialogue with a difficult person, which is not famous for better characterBut you must defend your positions and make proposals, you can go to the trick. Start the phrase, which contains a specific offer, from the words "that, if ...". Let's look at on real example. "You have to force your employees to come to work an hour earlier throughout the month so that they manage to perform a plan." It sounds very ultimatically and even a little dismissive to human work. But what if you build this sentence a little differently: "What if your employees come an hour earlier during the month to have time to perform a plan?" First, you ask the question, and you do not put ultimatum. Secondly, the interlocutor feels that his opinion is important, and you will be much easier to come to a compromise. Use these tricks to achieve their goals.
4. Create a personal space
If a specific person infuriates you so much that you simply cannot interact with him, then create a space for yourself, where it will not be nearby. Work in another room, if there is such an opportunity; At the corporate evening, sit at the other end of the table; Zoni around your space so that the interaction with this personality is minimal. You can also burn out from him and psychologically. For example, do not participate in discussions that are initiated by this person; Do not focus on his comments. Just excluding any influence of this person on your life.
5. Create borders in communication
Now let's talk about personalities that do not know the borders and love to poke your nose wherever should not. They can ask many personal questions to which not everyone wants to answer. They wish to express their opinion on any issue, can not resist dispute and just adore to discuss other people. Create a border and tell me about them. Explain that there is a personal one, about what you should not ask, especially with strangers. One tough conversation will exclude any conflicts and misunderstanding in the future.
6. Dai "Chance to Atonement"
This is a simple way that at the same time requires you tricks and ingenuity. Imagine that someone climbs in front of you. You can start a conflict that is able to end by anything. And we can say the following: "Oh, you must have not understood that the queue begins a little further and I also stand in it." Thus, you do not poke a person face in his omission, but you give a chance to correct the situation. Even conflict man It will not swear if you choose this approach that works for almost all cases.
7. Accept what many things you don't like in others, you don't love yourself
It's not easy to accept, right? But most of all we are annoyed by people in which we see the reflection of our weaknesses. Nonpunctuality, inappropriate jokes - all this is in us. Only our own shortcomings we do not perceive so critical. Before adding someone to the list "Despicable", think about what your negative attitude is caused. Understand your own shortcomings before accuseing other people in them.
Sometimes someone we do not like absolutely on subjective reasons - it may be a voice timbre, appearance or smell. But sometimes a person, communicating with whom it is impossible to avoid, really behaves not the most worthy way. And in this case, the main thing is not to fall to its level. On the one hand, it is very difficult to do, because during the conversation people often unconsciously copy the versa of the interlocutor's conversation.
Never argue with a fool - people may not notice between you differences.
When it comes to negative emotions, it is very difficult to calm yourself. The easiest example is when they are rude in transport - it's terribly difficult to restrain and not be reduced in response. It is always worth remembering what you need to communicate with people as you would like to communicate with you. And Krubyanov and Khamov nobody loves.
Be open to change
Do not stick labels in style: "This person is unpleasant to me, I don't want to continue communication with him" at the first meeting. We all are not in the mood, or too tired, or feel bad. Perhaps, at the next meeting, you change your opinion about a person on a diametrically opposite. People change and everyone should always have a second chance.
Nothing personal
What we think about someone, or someone thinks about us - all this is a subjective, not an objective opinion. No one can adore everyone. Such people always have the same number of haters, as well as adorable. Therefore, every time thinking about what you don't like someone, you should not think that the person hates you, and the point. Maybe you just talked too little? And this feeling is not very nice and productive communication it clearly does not help, but does everything just worse.
In the same way, perhaps a person who brings in you indignation to a trembling in the knees and is at the moment in front of you on a business meeting, for someone else can be very pleasant and cute. And you just do not know his pleasant sides. So we leave your opinion with you and try to make it so that it does not affect the outcome business meeting. No one forces you to be friends, right?
Skip past the ear and sharpness
This is one of the most difficult moments - to react to a joke or skip the bay past. We all have a different idea of \u200b\u200bwhat is funny, and what is not very. If for someone one joke may seem absolutely innocuous, then for the other it can be almost fatal insult. And sometimes a person is specifically trying to bring you out of himself with his jokes. Why succumb to provocations and go down to its level? Smarter just silent.
Try to talk calmly and keep your facial expressions and gestures under control
It is much more important not what exactly you say, but how do you say it. When you say it is absolutely calm, but at the same time almost shout, you never believe. Similarly, a person will easily notice the hostility towards him to express your face. Calm voice challenge, watch hands and legs (so as not to crossed) and try to keep the PockerFace facial expression.
Learn to an active listening
If you already realized that the person is unpleasant to you, do not focus on this and do not scroll through this thought in my head again and again. Instead of constantly thinking about the negative, listen carefully to listen to you. Focusing on the essence of the conversation, you will be able to understand more quickly what exactly they want, and to finish this unpleasant communication.
Keep track of time
Time is one of the most limited human resources.
It rather concerns how to behave like that not to annoy someone. Time is one of the most limited human resources. It is of course for any independence from the status and amount of money. Therefore, terribly annoying when a person makes himself waiting without visible reasons, but simply to seem important. Remember this and do not make people wait and spend the most precious resource.
During communication with a person, remember that only you are able to control your behavior. And it depends on the outcome of your conversation. Yes, sometimes we cannot choose their own interlocutor or partner, but we can choose how to behave.
You have not been 15 for a long time, but the feeling that native man (Parents, grandmother, older brother) makes your life unbearable, does not let go. All your attempts to establish communication did not lead to anything. No matter why: maybe this very relative is just an emotional rapist and does not want to negotiate, but wants to spoil your life. Or just a bad character and hard fate of a person, and you bother at night in a pillow, trying to understand what is to blame. It is important that you would be much happier, interrupting or reducing communication to a minimum. However, the fear of condemnation crosses all the arguments of the mind. After all, since childhood I hear what to swear with relatives is bad. Because there is nothing more important than the family, and friends and others come with them and go. In the end, what will people think?
If a person is unpleasant to you - think about yourself
"Speech in such cases is about the observance of personal borders," the family psychotherapist Marina Merina is confident. "You can escape from your relatives for the thirty lands, but the tension will still remain. Therefore, first you need to hear yourself without closing your eyes to your own discomfort, and finally. Choose who is more expensive to you: You or all those people who "something will say something." I like everyone is impossible, therefore a person who puts himself a similar task - in a trap. Such a lifestyle deprives joy, strength and health. He is born, As a rule, where a person from childhood was taught to be "as needed" since childhood and inspired that "not so wrong, he is not needed to anyone." Remember yourself that you are no longer a helpless kid. For a child, it is deadly to get the rejection of those whom he loves and depends on. But you have grown. And if someone is upset your behavior, then, most likely, neither you nor upgrading from it will not die. Mildly, but confidently explain that you, of course, relatives, but such a situation you b Olsha does not suit. Get ready for resistance - the behavior "I even erase me" very much like that who practices him, and so just your close to him will not refuse him. You still can not be good for everyone, and in this situation, someone should show no equiforms to you, and this someone is most likely - you are. "
Do I need to communicate with an unpleasant person?
This is generally the most popular justification for those who suffer and a husband-despot, and a rude neighbor. There is a sea of \u200b\u200bvarious "necessary", which are performed, without thinking about who needed and, in fact, for what. We must definitely get married, build a dizzying career, go around the world. One of these "it is necessary" the very familiar friendship with new relatives and "friends", as well as with their second half, and their second half. The usual neutral-respectful attitude and polite conversations are not suitable for rare meetings. It is friendship. And it does not matter that husbands and friends we choose for general interests, mutual sympathy and other compatibility, and all the rest are included, which are what. And mutual love may not work out. Or will mutual dislike. Simply put, you are not ready to rush with them and do not want, but you continue to do a good mine at bad game, supporting yourself with arguments: "We are one family," "I am so brought up" and "everyone is doing."
"If you ship deeply," the psychologist Marina Veshkova argues, "then the program" so necessary "is pre-installed to us since childhood. This behavior was characterized by the generation of our grandmothers and mothers, and we were inherited. And if you look at the surface, then this is the most common attempt. take control of the opinion of others about you. You are selflessly friends with the nearest environment dear to you, in this way trying to say: "I'm good, I'm doing everything right." But try to listen to my desires and determine what kind of communication with these people it is suitable for you Most of all. Do not be afraid to dream, lose this way and trace what emotions and feelings you will call it. However, it is not necessary to deceive yourself: if a certain "I do not want," will have to legalize, that is, to admit this at least To yourself. Thus it will be easier to understand that you do not need such communication. "
Try to talk to an unpleasant person frankly
Perhaps you yourself and do not want to gently be friends with distant relatives and husbands of friends, but others are waiting for you. Those who you love and do not want to offend. For example, your man. You apply a lot of effort, trying to be good for everyone, but in the end you are constantly nervous and already they are offended by him - for the fact that close person You do not understand, does not see how you feel bad in the presence of his mother. Such a situation may well end spoiled relations, for whom you tried so hard. Some call it the female wisdom, which, however, is accepted to cover anything, starting with fear to change his life for the better and ending with frank stupidity.
Marianna Volkova, a practicing psychologist, a specialist in family and individual psychology, advises: "Understand that all your" sacrifices "in the name of universal calmness are absolutely in vain. While you are silent, others are confident that everything is in order, and if you try to prevent you His sufferings as a kind of feat for the sake of her beloved, you will most likely just do not understand. Agree, it is strange to do what you don't want, and at the same time be silent. Sooner or later you will just explode and throw out everything that has accumulated for a long timewithout controlling emotions. At the same time, the truth will not be on your side: after all, if you did not show out discontent before, it means you all satisfied. And suddenly - an unexpected scene. As a result, you risk to choose unbalanced hysterical. Best output there will be a direct conversation, but not based on the person of an unpleasant person, but on your own feelings and emotions. Compromise can always be found, but any compromise begins with a frank conversation. "It is possible that the one who you are so afraid to offend, really try to be offended. If closely refuses to listen to you and your desires, it remains just to put it before the fact and recall, that you are also a living person and have the right to psychological comfort.
Habit - Second Nature? Only not in this case
You communicate with a colleague since the times that no one in the team does not remember. But how many years have passed - and you have no common interests. Or, moreover, you have become uncomfortable - instead of the usual joy, you only experience irritation. It would seem that everything is obvious: Communication must be folded or cut to infrequent meetings with conversations about the weather and nature. But in fact, everything is not so cloudless.
"If you didn't just deal with the opinions, and you actually experience negative emotions, communicating with a person, it is better to gradually bring contact to no," says Marianna Volkova. "With the course of time, people are changing, and perhaps you are really no longer on Ways. Of course, it's a shame to abandon the friend, with whom he spent so much time. But often we are afraid of losing a person himself, and communication as a ritual who accompanied every stage of our life. " Such relationships can often be compared with many years of marriage, in which the feelings turned into a habit. To interrupt them, most likely, it will be a pity and hurt. In this case, it helps to think about the feelings of the opponent. Man After all, sincerely believes that everything is as before, and seeks to communicate. So even from respect to your many years of friendship-pretend to pretend that all okay. You have two options: either honestly confess in their feelings, or carefully minimize communication to the level in which you feel comfortable. The main thing is not to try to close the eye on the situation.
Secrets of disguise from an unpleasant person
In fairness It is worth saying that it is not always realistic to break all contacts with an unpleasant person. It is unlikely that you can openly say the boss that you don't want to see him anymore and all the working questions now - by corporate mail. You have to look for a way to adjust. Suppose a citizen does not personally make you anything bad, but at the same time it is terribly annoying. You are looking for a hook, but you do not see her - just infuriates, and that's it. "If you feel irritation in the society of a certain person without any visible reasons, I would have to look at yourself first, "Elena Kuzeva hints. - Perhaps unhappy at all of nothing. You can find that he resembles another person from the past, with which unpleasant emotions are connected. Or you feel next to him your inferiority in any area. You may have had any expectations regarding him, and they were not justified. After identifying and aware of the reasons for irritation, unpleasant emotions can completely disappear. " "So so-so joy, but necessary." Very helps awareness of the fact that you spend the two nerve cells from you only. And he does not care about what he annoys you. "
Do not worry if someone does not like you. We are all different. And such a reaction reminds us that no one is ideal. Including we ourselves.
1. Machine the fact that you can not get along with everyone
This is normal. Someone like you, and someone does not tolerate you on the Spirit. This does not mean that something is wrong with you or others. Just every of us your preferences.
The decisive role is played by the difference in characters. will seem boring introvert, and a convinced realist may seem inadequate great mood optimist.
We have tend to invest in what we like. Suppose you annoys one of your friends or colleagues. Of course, you will not seem to meet with him and maintain contact. But sometimes this approach can grow into open hostility.
2. Try to understand the interlocutor
It may be your mother-in-law and does not consider you frivolous, as you always seemed. And the colleague is not really trying to substitute you. Consider, and perhaps you will understand the motives of their actions or even remove some useful advice.
Don't be angry if it really is to criticize good reason. You just put yourself in a disadvantage. Just trust the word and take a critical remark of weapons.
3. Keep your emotions under control
Only your reaction to one or another situation depends on you. She can bring you into rabies, unless you admit it. Do not waste your strength by the mind.
Do not give in if someone hits you or trying to bring out. Sometimes "smile and wave" - This is the best method.
It is very important to originate with respect to each oncoming. This does not mean that you should always go about and agree with everyone.
You need to be polite in relation to other people. Thus, you will remain in your opinion, save calm and the advantage will be on your side.
4. Do not take everything close to heart
Very often we just misunderstand a person. Perhaps he simply did not quite accurately expressed his thought or his day did not set himself in the morning. Do not break down on someone, because it can break on you in response. It will only make the situation. Be higher this, concentrate in practice, not paying attention to the inadequate reaction of the interlocutor.
If you feel fatigue and, take a break, stroll. Set the framework of the personal space where no one can disturb you.
5. Speak calmly
Our manner of communication is often much more important than what we say. If the situation has grunted, then it's time to talk about it. Nevertheless, the dialogue should not be aggressive. It is better to use sentences starting with "I", "me", "me", for example: "I'm annoyed when you do that. Could you act differently? " Most likely, the interlocutor listens to you and also expressed his opinion.
Sometimes it is worth calling for third party to help. Another person can objectively assess the situation. Maybe after the dialogue you will not become friends with whom there is a conflict with whom, but at least you can communicate normally.
Work with people with whom it is difficult for you to find mutual language- This is a useful experience that will show how you can cope with problems.
6. Establish priorities
Not everything deserves your time and attention. You must decide whether you really want to support communication with one or another person or it is better to concentrate, for example, at work.
Weigh the situation. Does it deteriorate over time? Sooner or later, the problem will have. If the conflict is called simply by coincidence, then you can quickly cope with it.
7. Do not occupy a defensive position
If you feel the constant discontent with you with someone else, if someone shakes attention only on your shortcomings, you should not rush on this person with fists. This is not a way out. This behavior is only its rain. Instead, it is better to ask directly, which specifically does not suit him. Gossip or oppression can be a sign that you want to manipulate or even demonstrate your power.
If a person wants you to treat him with respect, he must treat you the same way.
There is one psychological trick: say quickly when you express your disagreement with someone. So the source will have less time to answer. Slow down if you feel that he is ready to agree with you.
8. Remember that you yourself are the creator of your happiness
Of course, it is difficult to soberly assess the situation if someone strongly acts on your nerves. Nevertheless, never let others pull you down.
If someone's words really hurt you for living, deal with yourself. Maybe you are not sure or are you worried about some working moments? If so, concentrate on solving important problems for you.
Do not compare yourself with others, because we are all different.
More often, remind yourself of your achievements and do not let anyone spoil your mood because of some little things!
