The school year has just begun, and many parents are already starting to look for useful literature and advice? Today is an important topic - we will discuss what to do if your student's grades leave much to be desired. How to save your nerves and inspire your student.
Many children by the age of 12-14 begin to lose interest in learning. And even if in elementary school you just had to motivate or force you to complete all the necessary tasks and study well, now it is more and more interesting for the child to spend time with friends or in gadgets, to linger on walks or "hang out" in front of the TV. This is how the child's body is arranged that, due to age and immaturity, the student himself does not yet understand the importance of education. Therefore, the parent's task is:
Show all the pros and cons of a good study. Explain to your child about future career opportunities and wealth, how they depend on the quality of education and knowledge.
Pay attention to the hobbies of your student, identify interests and talents, see what gives the child the most pleasure. Encourage hard work for non-school interests and hobbies.
Develop a love of learning from an early age. This cannot be done at the age of a teenager; responsibility develops over the years.
Don't use blackmail. As a parent, it should be clear that blackmailing methods are backfiring. "There will be triplets, you won't get a new phone." Of course, I would like to have a telephone, but my studies start to cause more and more disgust, since it is perceived as a barrier between the desired and the reality. Communication with teenagers is a very delicate and delicate topic.
Child trust
Gaining trust and respect is not easy, and it is even easier to lose it. If a child lives in constant fear and hears threats and blackmail, then you are unlikely to build a trusting relationship. If you have this communication problem, root it out as early as possible. Communicate with your child, talk more about interests, find out which items cause joy, clarify and understand which items you don't like and why. Do not impose your opinion, listen. It is important for a child to see that you are next to him, on his side, and not against.
Praise
Everyone loves her. Celebrate the student's achievements, encourage them, praise them. In primary school, this is enough to instill a love of learning. At any age, any person will appreciate the affection and praise! A win-win.
Hobbies and interests of a teenager
Every child is talented. No time is an excuse. In spite of your busyness, devote time to hobbies. Find out what your child likes. In addition, adolescent hobbies can often be associated with school subjects, for example, your daughter may love books (literature, Russian, history), is fond of computers (computer science, English), dances well (physical education), and so on. Does your son play a lot? Talk to him about the game making process? What knowledge might be needed for this? Computer science, programming, design and so on.
Children are our reflection
The best upbringing is your own example. I am deeply convinced that if mom and dad work and constantly learn new things, improve and are attentive to the child, then he will be drawn to everything new, show interest in learning. Share your emotions and reasoning. We were at an interesting conference - share your impressions at a family dinner. Received a new project - tell us about this one, rejoice with the whole family. Success is contagious.
Knowledge is everywhere
It is a mistake to send a child to school and be sure that they have to teach him everything there. Education in Russia is far from perfect. In-depth study, hobby groups, access to additional literature - provide your child with opportunities. Spend your time on additional student education.
Independence
A very useful quality! Responsibility depends on him and security is closely linked. Communicate, tell your teen about the need to be responsible. Whether it's quality homework without parental supervision or behavior during breaks and on the way home from school. Build parallels between doing well in school and going to college.
Monetary motivation
A great way to give your child the opportunity to show their positive qualities and earn extra pocket money. Consider a reward scale. At the same time, it is worth limiting spontaneous “Wishlist” purchases. Let your teenager earn the desired thing with his own labor.
"Labor will make a man of you"
It also works well in a neglected situation. If laziness is the main companion of a teenager, then work on him. You can limit pocket money and allow small earnings, for example, during the holidays. Low-paid work and a "on-foot" schedule will help you understand all the charms of low-skilled work. And in contrast, you can talk about prestigious work in office centers, walking past them.
Choose the recommendations that work for you and try to introduce them gradually. For example, you shouldn't go straight to a teenager with a study fee and offer money. Praise individual achievements, encourage them, gradually offer them to systematize.
Communication rules if a teenager does not like the topic of study in principle.
The transitional age is not an easy companion of the adolescent period. Right now there is a risk of losing credibility in the eyes of a teenager. Harsh condemnation from parents and constant conflicts lead to rejection of studies, the child may begin to skip school out of spite. They want to prove something! What - they do not always know themselves, but I really want to do it out of spite. Feel like adults.
Rules to help you communicate with a teenager:
- Respect the personality of the child, talk to him as equals, do not humiliate or call him names.
- Establish certain rules of conduct. What do you admit and what is strictly prohibited in your family.
- Listen to the child, ask leading questions, get arguments. Dialogue will always be beneficial in building relationships. But solid notations - on the contrary, they will stand a wall between you.
- Do not immediately deny criticism in your direction. Find out the situation. Try to put yourself in the child's shoes and understand.
- Explain the importance of getting an education, the need for school knowledge for later life.
- Ask your child sincerely about school matters. Talk to him. Indifferent and formulaic questions give rise to formulaic answers “okay”.
- Be proud of your accomplishments, celebrate progress, and be generous with praise.
- In case of difficulties with homework or school curriculum, try to help, explain, ask the teacher for help, or even hire a tutor. The misunderstood material today entails big problems in the future.
- Failures happen. Don't get hung up on judging bad grades, support your teenager. Think together how you can fix the situation.
- Talk about goals. A teenager should understand what he is striving for, what you want to achieve and what knowledge he needs. Determine a scientific inclination.
- Reward and praise concrete successes. Weigh your expectations against the actual capabilities of your child.
- Do not compare grades and achievements with peers, do not discuss classmates.
- Love your child.
Every parent can instill in their child a love of learning. Don't ignore the tips above. Think about them and try to put them into practice. Motivation is important for developing commitment and responsibility.
Awareness of the need for education comes over the years. Initially, children learn for parental recognition and praise. It is important for them to know that mom and dad are proud of them. And only in this case the desire to move forward and develop is born, when the child knows that he is appreciated, and he "will not let you down."
Don't make your studies a cult. Do not study for days and do not read constant lectures. Rely on the interests and talents of the child, and then learning will be a joy and pleasure.
We hope that our tips on how to motivate your teenager to study , were useful to you! We wish your kids success in their studies! Share your experiences and stories in the comments!
How to motivate a child to study? Psychologist advice can really help turn a lazy child into a very successful child. First of all, it is worth "correcting" some of the attitudes of the parents.
For any action, both an adult and a child have two types of motivation: internal and external. External - this is a reward (good grades, a promise to buy a new smartphone) or punishment ("so that parents do not swear"). Internal - a real interest in learning or a neurosis of the "I should be the best!" Type. The percentage of children who are really interested in learning tends to zero. Extrinsic motivation is always less effective, but it works, especially in elementary school. But in adolescence, it begins to fall sharply, and "we are losing a child."
In 1965, American teacher Barbara Sheel conducted an experiment with her students and came to some very interesting conclusions about what is needed to "nurture" a child's intrinsic learning motivation:
An adult must have a good understanding of what he is doing, how and why he stimulates the child, and what he achieves as a result. If you are not very good with this, I recommend contacting a child coach - they will help you quickly and effectively, you will understand exactly how to act.
Autonomy or freedom to define your own tasks and carry out your own plan. Buy a flipchart for your child, come up with a plan with him, let him see it before his eyes on the blackboard, mark his successes with crayons or a marker, see where he needs to move. Children, and adults alike, adore these "bright" external reinforcements, their "plus signs".
Moderate novelty and a sense of competence - a new task should be clear, but include a new "step" in mastering the material. Thus, the child is reinforced by his success (everyone is capable of a step-by-step, gradual study of information) and anticipation of the new "let's see what's next, can I cope ?!" If a child is constantly faced with tasks that are beyond his power, then, having received an easier task after a while, he cannot solve it either. This is a "learned helplessness" phenomenon. That is, the level of complexity of tasks should be increased very gradually, otherwise the child:
- Stops trying to do something;
- Stops understanding what he can do;
- The general depressed, apathetic state makes it difficult to do anything at all.
Phrases and attitudes of parents to enhance the educational motivation of the child.
Shift the emphasis from assessments, checks, tests. 90% of children are under wild pressure from society and parents, expecting and demanding the best points from them. From the first grade, stop scaring them with questions like "So, how's the test? What did you get today?" Instead: "How was your day today? Is there something that was not clear? We need to sort it out together, eh? Can I help you, explain something?" Just take an interest in the child's affairs, his feelings, experiences. Then you remove the anxiety from his educational activities, and he will understand that it is normal to learn by making mistakes, and that you are on his side and ready to help.
Children to whom they broadcast "Excellent! You are super! As always, well done!" paradoxically, but afraid to move forward, afraid to take risks, set high standards, give up when difficulties arise. They are afraid to disappoint and be disappointed in themselves. But children, whose parents are simply included in their educational process, are interested in their efforts with phrases like: "Wow, you are doing well in chemistry! You are really working, I see!" or "You really worked hard on the exam!" or "How did you do it? How did you manage it? You really tried, I admit!", receive confirmation that learning is just a process, there are successes, there are difficulties, but we must go further, forward. Such children like new challenges, new achievements, they are not afraid of difficult places, they are interested in coping and, most importantly, they know how to force themselves to make efforts, they are assiduous! In the absence of fear, such children develop their maximum potential.
Normally, mistakes contribute to the desire to correct them. But if they are accompanied by feelings of shame, fear, inadequacy, children will try to avoid difficulties, and not try to overcome them. Children can come up with a defense - laziness. Being "lazy" is much easier and more enjoyable than being "stupid". Being lazy means "I actually can, I could, but I'm just too lazy!" - this is the avoidance of the danger of failure, the fear of discovering that in fact, I cannot, I don’t understand, I don’t pull. A gentle way to draw the child's attention to the need to strain and pull yourself together: "What do you think about it? How did you manage?", "What do you say yourself? The task is difficult?"
Sounds strange, but I love working with lazy kids. Finding a clue to their laziness is a real detective story. How to motivate your child to study? Psychologist's advice will help to put your child in the "wait, let me try!"
2. The child is carried away by the competitive moment. But it is important that he competes not with other children - often this is bad for self-esteem - but with himself. The presentation of homemade stars, which encouraged the success of kids back in the USSR, works well. And now, even in bookstores and children's stores, you can find special motivational badges "DostygaiKa". Each has a beautiful drawing with a cute animal. Mom and Dad can look at the badge together with the child, and then come up with a fairy tale about an animal that did not succeed in something, but after persistent efforts it still worked out. For example, you can tell how the hero did not know how to tie shoelaces, then trained for a long time and became a master of his craft. The kid will involuntarily compare himself with this character, which will help him in mastering the skill. Having received one badge, the child will certainly want to earn a second, and then a third. Having assembled a collection, he will always have before his eyes a symbol of his achievements. And this will have a good effect on his self-esteem. This is how the competitive moment appears.
3. After completing the task and learning something new, the child is always waiting for a reward. Positive emotions from encouragement only reinforce the desired result. It's good when the reward can be held in your hands - it should be small, but very pleasant for the baby in order for the desire to return to it again and again.
4. Motivation must be secure. The option of stimulating children with sweets is not suitable: because of this, they may form incorrect eating habits.
Using tablet games as rewards is often addictive and irritable.
5. Children's motivation involves a step-by-step path. It is difficult for children to set long-term goals. Their positive actions need to be constantly “reinforced”. For example, a toddler needs to learn three skills in 2 weeks. For each he will receive a badge. And for three badges, he is entitled to a gift-impression - for example, a trip to the zoo.
6. Successful motivation necessarily includes support from an adult and his personal example. For example, mom and dad might work with their child to earn a badge. Today, even an adult is honored to receive the mark “I can occupy myself without a tablet”.
7. Motivation should be done without pressure. Children are like springs: the more you “push”, the stronger the backlash will be.
8. There are two types of motivation: negative and positive. You should try to use only the second one. Even if the whip method seems to give a quick result (for example, if you shout at a child, he will immediately obey), remember: this can cause psychological trauma.
The more often you use the whip method, the worse your relationship with your child will be in the future.
9. If you do decide to resort to negative motivation, then it should only be a limitation, not a cry. What does the restriction mean in this case? For example, you have agreed that your baby will receive a “I eat vegetables” badge after trying 3 new vegetables for him within 5 days. If the agreement is not respected, then the award of the badge is postponed.
10. Remember that the process of motivating a child should be positive and only bring pleasant emotions!
We want the child to show interest, but interest in what? We want him to do something, but what exactly? “Anything, just not sitting in front of the TV” is not the best answer. For some tips on how we can help children feel interested in something, Alan Kazdin, Ph.D. and director of the Yale Center for Parenting and Childcare Clinic.
1. Set a goal
Make a clear list of the activities that you would like to involve your child in. An excellent option is the so-called "trial sessions". The child could get an idea of things like dancing, sports, musical instruments, science, gardening. You will understand what exactly is of interest to the child, which could be studied deeper.
She loves animals? Does he love martial arts movies? Why? Try to find out as clearly as possible what the essence of a possible interest is. She might as a result go, say, volunteer at an animal shelter or start learning horse riding. And he might want to know more about kung fu or how to make films.
2. Set requirements
It is very useful to establish reasonable and not too complicated requirements for the child as early as possible. For example, agree on the things that he must do at home. This will not be of much help to you in the household, but it will be extremely beneficial for the relationship. And it is much easier for a child to understand what you expect from him.
Motivation can be developed like any habit. When you constantly expect your child to fulfill some responsibilities, which become more and more with age, it teaches him to think that being active and participating in life is a completely normal thing. This awareness can be a powerful force against passivity and loss of interest.
3. Show by example
Parents are often inclined to teachings and moralizing conversations and pay much less attention to the opportunity to influence their children by example. But it is the personal example of the parents that is especially important. You can use your own life model to develop your child's character, interests, and motivations.
For example, if you enjoy doing something outside the home, take it with you whenever possible. Museums, social or political events, sports, volunteering - it doesn't matter which. The main thing is that you have fun. Taking a child with you, firstly, you motivate him, and secondly, you strengthen your relationship.
Of course, doing common household chores together, such as grocery shopping and cleaning, also serves this purpose. But now we are talking about something else: to involve the child in activities that will help him determine his own interests, develop skills, gain knowledge and skills. They fuel his desire to do something outside the home. And your direct participation influences his perception.
4. Develop skills
Many skills can be developed in a child without personal example. But it is important to help him acquire new knowledge and skills, to acquaint him with new activities. Perhaps he will be engaged in something for many years to come, and this will bear fruit in the form of his social involvement.
For example, music lessons are not only about learning to play a musical instrument. By participating in concerts, a school orchestra, he will make new acquaintances from among the musicians, and this will motivate him to develop.
5. Giving hidden clues
How to persuade a passive child to show interest in anything? This must be done carefully, in no case squeezing, using any opportunity. We are often not even aware of those little things and details that affect our decisions and actions. The brain is constantly busy processing information, and most often this happens on an unconscious level.
“During the research, we observed how the scanned brain reacts to certain stimuli, but the subject of research is usually the question 'What happened?' answered: “Nothing,” says Alan Kazdin. - During our research, we also found that if a clue is shown too quickly for the subject to notice it, then the subconscious mind will still use it to make decisions. For example, the light smell of detergents makes people start cleaning up their desktops. But if you ask them why they did it, they will not say about the smell, but rather give some convincing arguments that are completely unrelated to it. "
Books, magazines, a musical instrument ready to play ... Let these (motivating) objects always be in the child's field of vision. It doesn't take a lot of effort, just let them lie where they are very easy to spot. Such a technique promises serious results, but at the same time it is important to allow the child to interact with such clues himself.
Just imagine: your daughter just glanced at the magazine, and you already rush into the room and start exclaiming: “Oh, have you seen these photographs? They're delicious, aren't they? I booked us a ticket to go there for the weekend! " Most likely, this will kill any interest. Let your child figure out what to do with this lead. Use the power of personal example to subtly show you how to do this.
6. Encourage communication
Encourage your child to invite friends home. Then your home will become a central place and will have an impact on the child for a long time. As they reach adolescence, children often separate you from their friends. But if you are ready to accept his new world, you have a chance to avoid such rejection. In addition, you can watch and protect him without acting like a small one.
In this case, it is also easier for a teenager to resist when peers will have a negative impact on him. If you are planning to do something outside the home, allow your child to invite friends. Gradually, the need for your participation will disappear, because the child will begin to choose himself where to go, he will have his own preferences.
If you accept his friends into your family, then you will take the first step towards maintaining a close relationship for many years, without suppressing him or forcing him to choose between you and communication with peers.
Book on the topic
"Psychology of the development of motivation" by Vitis Vilyunas
Why do we act this way and not another? What makes us get things done? Why are we ready to overcome obstacles? In the theory of Vytis Vilyunas, heterogeneous ideas about such a complex and multi-level subject as the motivational sphere of a person are synthesized. The author examines a variety of factors that influence her - from momentary trifles to distant goals in life - and illustrates classical and modern research with examples from life that are familiar to all of us.
From modern children you can often hear that they do not want and do not like to go to school and study, and not only from those who study poorly, but also from good students and excellent students. It is not surprising that parents very often ask the question "How to motivate a child to study?"
What is the motivation
The question of who should create the correct motivation for the child is difficult. Someone thinks that teachers should be engaged in this, someone - that a school psychologist, a third opinion - parents should instill in children a love of learning, there are also those who do not attach importance to whether the child wants or does not want to learn - “It is necessary ! ".
Loving, attentive and caring parents rarely ask the question "Who should motivate?", More often it is the question "How to motivate a child?" And this is not always easy to do.
Motivation- motivation for action. Motive- This is an image of a material or ideal object that “directs” the actions of a person, that is, forms motivation.
Motivation can be:
- external(due to external detailed, not related to the motive) or internal(related to the content of the motive);
- positive(if the motivation incentive is positive) or negative(if the incentive is negative).
Not all preschoolers and schoolchildren have to motivate and instill a love of learning, there are curious children from nature.
Such children love to read books and watch educational programs. This curiosity in them needs to be supported and nourished, but at the same time make sure that the child not only learns, but also plays outdoor games, communicates with peers, and rests.
Studying in its classical form (at a desk, reading textbooks and solving problems in a notebook) most often loses in competition playing games on the computer or walking in the entertainment center. And not only because children are not diligent students, but also because of the special organization of the educational process. Not every teacher tries to conduct lessons in an interesting, creative and bright way.
Do not like to study children who are too active, proactive, do not accept authorities, creative, outstripping or, on the contrary, lagging behind in development, and those who are simply spoiled.
You can create the right motivation for a child only instilling in him a love of knowledge... This motivation is intrinsic and positive. Also, this kind of motivation includes:
- pleasure from the learning process itself,
- striving for success,
- positive communication with classmates and teachers,
- understanding the need for learning for life.
But some parents resort to negative and / or extrinsic motivation:
- over-importance of marks,
- study is a forced debt,
- material or other remuneration for good studies,
- avoidance of punishment for poor grades,
- prestige, leadership and other positions "above" in the class.
Tricks, promises, deception, intimidation, and even physical punishment are used to generate this kind of motivation.
This is not to say that techniques like “If you study well, we will buy you a tablet” or “Study well, otherwise you will get it from me!” Do not work. They work, but clearly not for the good of the child: he begins to study more diligently, but not because he wants to, not of his own free will, but in order to bring a good grade in order to get a "prize" or avoid punishment.
In the first case, the child learns to manipulate people for his own benefit and value material wealth over spiritual, in the second, an attitude towards avoiding failure and increased anxiety is formed.
Reasons for not wanting to learn
It is necessary to motivate both preschoolers, preparing them for school, and children who are already studying, since they periodically experience a loss of interest in learning. It is believed that high school students should already be able to create the right motivation for themselves. Of course, a teenager is capable of this, but the participation and support of parents is also important for him.
Most often motivation disappears after a long summer vacation, when the child is sick or overworked, but there are other reasons.
The most common causes why the child does not want to learn:
- communication difficulties or conflicts in the classroom, with children from other classes, with teachers;
- the child's priority is an alternative activity (hobby, hobby, additional education);
- indifference of parents (they do not help the child with lessons, are not interested in school life);
- overprotective parents (do homework for the child and require a full account of how the day went at school).
The above reasons can be classified as external factors. Eliminate they can be done by performing some active actions or deeds:
- If a child is afraid of a teacher because he is too strict or for some reason underestimates grades, a conversation with that teacher or with the principal will be required.
- If there is a conflict with classmates, it will have to be resolved peacefully or the child should be transferred to another school.
- If the problem is in out-of-school hobbies, you need to figure out what kind of hobbies they are. It is one thing to skip classes, staying at an art school, and another to play computer "shooters" for hours.
- If the problem is in the behavior of the parents, you need to either learn to pay more attention to the child, or vice versa, give him more freedom and independence.
In addition to external ones, there are internal reasons loss of interest in learning:
- fears,
- complexes,
- psychological trauma,
- self-doubt,
- errors of thinking,
- "Forbidden" feelings and so on.
For example, there are children who have a prejudice against learning: learning is a meaningless activity, the knowledge gained at school will not be useful in life. With this attitude, even the most flexible, inquisitive, diligent student can lose interest in learning.
The situation can be deeper. For example, if a misfortune happened in the family, and the child was at school at that time, he has a fear that this will happen again.
The inner reason for the reluctance to learn can be established in a confidential conversation. The child will name it himself, the main thing is not to miss this moment.
If the reason for the child's unwillingness to learn deep inside, is fueled by fears and negative attitudes, you should seek advice from school or child psychologist.
Few people know, but the motivation for learning, that is, mastering new knowledge and skills is inherent in people genetically... A man in ancient times, learning something new, sincerely rejoiced this. And nowadays, as in ancient times, when it is possible to solve a difficult problem or find an answer to an exciting question, hormones of happiness are released into the body.
Addiction to the joy of learning can become so strong that it becomes akin to a drug addiction. Why is it that so few people strive for such a "useful drug" as study?
Children who go to school because "It is necessary!" and learn "for show", do not have the goal of learning something, so they are not happy with the learning outcomes. Motivated child happy to learn, so will make great strides while keeping a keen interest.
Children like the items that they interesting that they want to know. Such activities are expected, and they fly by in one second. In unloved activities, you have to miss, and time, as luck would have it, drags on slowly.
Hence the first recommendation for parents: in order to increase the child's motivation, he needs explain that all items are useful in life, even the most uninteresting and unloved ones. It is better to support words with examples from life. For example, tell a child who does not want to learn physics that knowledge of its laws has saved lives more than once and give an example.
Second recommendation: reduce the importance of assessments... It is not grades that are important, but knowledge. The child must understand this, but at the same time remember - it is impossible to know everything. Therefore, no matter what grades the child receives, and no matter how much knowledge he succeeds in assimilating, the main thing is not this, but whether he is trying or not.
For a child to want to learn, you need notice and celebrate any, even the most insignificant successes and achievements... This is the third recommendation for parents. So you can not only stimulate the child to strive for knowledge, but also reveal or develop talents in him.
It is pointless to scold for poor grades or for the fact that a schoolchild is not given a subject in any way, this will not make him learn better, but confidence in himself and that his parents love him will diminish.
Fourth recommendation: maintain comfortable psychological atmosphere in the family... Children are very sensitive. They don't know much, but they feel everything. The child feels that there is discord between the parents, even if they do not swear in front of him. Needless to say about loud quarrels and scandals! An equally difficult situation is when conflicts arise between the child himself and one of the parents or the whole family. When the family has problems, the child is not up to school.
Never do not compare the child with other children, to know and respect its features is the fifth recommendation. What is more important: justified hopes of the parents or the child's happiness, self-confidence, health? A schoolchild grows up as a psychologically successful person, he develops an adequate self-esteem when he knows that his parents accept him as he is and love, then he strives to become even better.
To create positive intrinsic motivation to study a preschooler, you need to instill in him a love of knowledge in advance. Classes in preparation for school should take place in a playful way: include games, dances, competitions, warm-ups, modeling, drawing, a fairy tale, experiments and many other techniques and techniques that allow you to make the learning process captivating.
For diagnostics of motivation preschoolers and schoolchildren, psychologists have developed several methods that you can use yourself. For example: Luskanova's school motivation questionnaire, Bayer's method of determining the leading motives for learning, Wenger's test “Motivational readiness for schooling” and others.
If you want to study more deeply the topic of educational motivation, we recommend studying the literature:
- Sh. Akhmadullin, D. Sharafieva “Motivation of children. How to motivate your child to learn "
- E. Galinski “I myself! Or how to motivate a child to succeed "
- J. Dirksen “The Art of Teaching. How to make any training fun and effective "
- N. Titova “How to motivate in one word. 50 tricks of NLP "
- A. Verbitsky, N. Bakshaeva "Psychology of student motivation"
- L. Peterson, Yu. Agapov "Motivation and self-determination in educational activities" (for teachers and psychologists)
- V. Koroleva "Style of pedagogical activity and motivation of junior schoolchildren" (for teachers and psychologists)
