How to learn to communicate with people? Let's learn the art of effective communication. Psychology of communication: how to communicate with people and not feel sick How people can communicate

It sounds very simple: say what you mean.
But too often, despite our best intentions, the true meaning of what is being said is lost on our interlocutor. We say one thing and the other person hears something else, resulting in misunderstandings, frustration and conflict.

By , you can learn to communicate with people and express your thoughts more clearly and clearly for the perception of your interlocutor. Whether you're trying to communicate better with your spouse, children, boss, or co-workers, you can improve communication skills that will allow you to significantly improve your rapport with others, build trust and respect, and feel heard and understood.

For success in life, the ability to communicate with people is much more important than having talent.
John Lubbock

What is effective communication?

Communication is more than just sharing information. It's about understanding what emotional message and meaning lies in this information. Effective communication is also a two-way interaction. It is not only how you convey a message that is received and understood in the way you intended, but also how you listen to fully understand what is being said and make the other person feel heard and understood. .

Effective communication involves more than just the words used in a conversation - it is a whole set of skills, including nonverbal communication, the ability to listen carefully, control oneself, communicate with self-confidence and the ability to recognize and understand the emotions of oneself and the person with who are you communicating with?

Effective communication is the glue that will help you deepen your connections with others and improve teamwork and normalize shared decision-making and problem-solving. It even allows you to send negative or unpleasant messages without creating conflict or breaking trust.

Despite the fact that effective ways of communicating with people can be learned, their spontaneous acquisition from life experience, and not in the process of action according to templates. A speech that is sight-read, for example, rarely has the same effect as a speech delivered spontaneously, or at least appears to do so. Of course, it takes time and effort to develop these skills and become an effective communicator. The more effort and practice you put in, the more instinctive and effortless your communication skills will become.

The easiest way for me to communicate is with ten thousand people. The hardest thing is with one.
Joan Baez

What can you do to learn how to conduct a conversation with a person correctly:

Take your time - take time for personal communication.
Agree that it is normal to disagree with something.
Make sure you don't hold your breath.
Listen before you speak, even if you don't agree with what you hear.
Take a time out when you are already too stressed.

Barriers to effective interpersonal communication

Stress and uncontrollable emotion

When you are nervous or unable to cope with your emotions, you are likely to misperceive other people, send confusing or intimidating nonverbal signals, and begin to act like an unstable, mentally ill person. Take a moment to calm down before continuing the conversation.

Lack of attention

You cannot communicate effectively when you are multitasking. If you're daydreaming, checking text messages, or thinking about something else while planning your next response, you'll almost certainly miss nonverbal cues in your conversation. You should always take your life experience into account.

Illogical gestures and facial expressions

Nonverbal communication should support verbal communication without contradicting it. If you say one thing, but your body language says something else, your listener will likely feel that you are being deceitful. For example, you may not be able to say “yes” while shaking your head in denial.

Negative facial expressions

If you don't agree with or like what is being said, you may use negative facial expressions and gestures to express disagreement with the other person's message, such as crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, or tapping your feet. You don't have to agree or even approve of what is said, but communicate effectively without putting the other person on the defensive; It is very important to avoid sending negative signals.

All our days pass in communication, but the art of communication is the destiny of a few...
Mikhail Vasilievich Lomonosov

4 Key Skills to Improve Communication

Become an interested listener.
Pay attention to nonverbal cues.
Control yourself.
Be confident.

Habit 1: Become an Engaged Listener

People often focus on what they have to say, but effective communication is about talking less and listening more. Listening well means understanding not only the words or information heard, but also the emotions that the speaker is trying to express.

There is a big difference between listening carefully and simply hearing information. When you really listen, when you really engage with what is being said, you recognize subtle intonations in the speaker's voice that tell you about how that person is feeling and what emotions they are trying to convey when communicating. When you are an engaged listener, you will not only understand the other person better, you will make them feel heard and understood, and this can be the foundation for building a stronger, more secure relationship between you.

By communicating in this way, you will also learn to calm down and maintain physical well-being and emotional balance. If the person you're talking to is calm, as reflected by, for example, listening carefully to what you're saying, you can also become more calm. Likewise, if a person is worried, you can help them calm down by listening carefully and making them feel understood.

If your goal is to fully understand and communicate with another person, you will naturally listen carefully. If this is not the case, try the following tips. The more you practice them, the more satisfying and effective your interactions with other people will become.

How do you become an engaged listener?

Focus all your attention on the speaker, his or her body language, tone of voice, and other nonverbal cues coming from that person. Tone of voice conveys emotion, so if you're thinking about something, checking text messages, or doodling on a piece of paper, you'll almost certainly miss nonverbal cues and the emotional content of the words spoken. And if talking man behaves in the same abstract way, you can quickly notice it. If you find it difficult to focus on some speakers, try repeating their words in your head - this will reinforce their message for you and help you stay focused.

Listen with your right ear. The centers on the left side of the brain are primary processing for speech and emotion recognition. Because left hemisphere the brain is responsible for right side body, focusing on the right ear can help you better diagnose the emotional content of what the speaker is saying. Try to keep your posture straight, lower your chin slightly, and turn right ear to the speaker - this will help to catch the high frequencies of human speech, which carry the emotional component of what is said.

Don't interrupt the speaker or try to shift the conversation to your problems by saying something like, "If you think this is bad, listen to what happened to me." Listening does not mean waiting for your turn to speak again. If you're forming in your head what you're going to say next, you can't concentrate on what the other person is saying. Often the speaker can read your facial expressions and understand that you are thinking about something else.

Show interest in what was said. Periodically nod approvingly, smile at your interlocutor and make sure that your body position is open and conducive to communication. Approvingly encourage the speaker to continue the conversation with small verbal comments like “yes” or “uh-huh.”

Any conversation becomes interesting if the listener is enthusiastic...

Try not to judge. To communicate effectively with someone, you don't have to like them or agree with their ideas, values, or opinions. However, to fully understand a person, you must avoid judging him and refrain from reproaches and criticism. If you conduct even the most complex discussion correctly, you can establish contact with someone with whom mutual understanding seemed very difficult and unlikely to be found.

Give us feedback. If the thread of conversation is interrupted, reproduce what was said in other words. "What I hear is that," or "It sounds like you're saying," are great ways to bring the conversation back to desired point. Do not repeat verbatim what the speaker said, it will sound forced and unintelligent. Instead, express what you understand to be the meaning of the words you heard. Ask questions to clarify things: “What do you mean when you say...” or “Is this what you mean?”

Recognize the emotional content of words by training the muscles of the middle ear

By increasing muscle tone in the tiny muscles of the middle ear (they are the smallest in human body), you will be able to recognize higher frequencies of human speech that convey emotions and better understand the true meaning of what people are saying. Developing these tiny muscles isn't just about focusing entirely on what someone is saying; They can be trained by singing, playing wind instruments, and listening to certain types of music (high-frequency Mozart violin concertos and symphonies, for example, instead of low-frequency rock or rap).

Skill 2: Pay attention to nonverbal cues

When we talk about what concerns us, we mostly use nonverbal cues. Nonverbal communication, or body language, includes facial expressions, body movements and gestures, eye contact, body posture, tone of voice, and even muscle tension and breathing. Your look, the way you listen, move and react to another person tell other people more about your condition than the words you say.

Developing the ability to understand and use nonverbal communication can help you communicate with others, express yourself clearly, handle difficult situations, and build better relationships at work and at home.

You can make communication even more effective with open language body movements: do not cross your arms, stand with an open body position or sit on the edge of your seat, maintain eye contact with your interlocutor.
You can also use body language to emphasize or reinforce your verbal message—patting a friend on the back to congratulate him on success, for example, or fist bumping to emphasize your message.

Tips to help you better interpret nonverbal communication

Keep in mind that everyone has their own individual characteristics. People from different countries and cultures tend to use a variety of non-verbal communication gestures, so when analyzing body language it is very important to take into account the person's age, cultural background, religion, gender and emotional state. An American teenager, a grieving widow, and an Asian businessman, for example, may use nonverbal cues differently.

Analyze nonverbal signals comprehensively. Don't look for too much meaning in one gesture or nonverbal signal. Consider all nonverbal cues you receive, from eye contact to tone of communication and body movement. Anyone can sometimes make a mistake and look away, for example, and let the eye contact slide, for example, or briefly cross their arms, without implying anything negative. To better understand a person's true thoughts, analyze his nonverbal signals comprehensively.

Use those nonverbal cues that reflect the essence of your words. Nonverbal communication should support verbal communication without contradicting it. If you say one thing, but your body language says something else, your listener will likely feel that you are being deceitful. For example, you may not be able to say “yes” while shaking your head in denial.

Tailor your nonverbal cues based on the context of the conversation and the setting. The tone of your voice, for example, should be different when speaking to a child than when speaking to a group of adults. Also, take into account the emotional state and cultural background of the person you are communicating with.

Use body language to express positive emotions, even if you don't actually feel them. If you're nervous about a situation—a job interview, an important presentation, or a first date, for example—you can show confidence, even if you don't actually feel that way, through positive body language. Instead of hesitantly walking into a room with your head down, looking away and squeezing into your chair, try straightening your shoulders and standing with your head held high, smiling and maintaining eye contact, and giving the person you're talking with a firm handshake. This will make you more confident and help put the other person at ease.

Habit 3: Stay in control

To communicate effectively, you need to be aware of your emotions and control them. And this means learning to cope with stress. When you are nervous or unable to cope with your emotions, you are likely to misperceive other people, send confusing or intimidating nonverbal signals, and begin to act like an unstable, mentally ill person.

How many times have you experienced a disagreement with your spouse, children, boss, friends or co-workers and then said or done something you later regretted? If you can quickly de-stress and calm down, not only will you not have to regret it later, but in many cases you will help the other person cool down as well. Only when you are in a calm, relaxed state will you be able to understand whether you need to respond in this situation or whether it is better to remain silent, as indicated by the behavior of the other person.

In situations such as a job interview, a business presentation, a stressful meeting, or introducing a loved one to, for example, it is very important to manage your emotions, think on your feet, and communicate effectively under pressure. These tips may help:

Stay balanced in a stressful situation

Use stalling tactics to take an extra minute to think. Before answering, ask the question again or ask for clarification of a statement that is causing you confusion.
Pause to collect your thoughts. Remaining silent is not a bad thing; pausing faster than rushing to respond can force you to pull yourself together.

Make one judgment and give an example or provide information that supports your statement. If your response is too long or you ramble on about everything at once, you risk losing the listener's interest. Focus on one statement with an example, look at the listener's reaction and evaluate whether there is something else worth talking about further.

Speak clearly and clearly. In many cases, how you speak can be just as important as what you say. Speak clearly, maintain the same timbre of voice, and make eye contact. Let your body language communicate relaxation and openness.

At the end of your statement, do summary and stop. Briefly state the main point your speech and stop talking, even if the room is silent. Don't keep talking to fill the silence.

When a discussion gets heated in the middle of a conversation, you need to do something quickly and immediately to reduce the emotional intensity. Once you learn how to quickly reduce tension in the moment, even if you can handle any strong emotions you experience, control your feelings and behave rationally. If you know how to keep your mind balanced and engaged, even when something upsetting is happening, you can stay emotionally alert and alert.

Quick Ways to Relieve Stress to Continue Effective Communication

To cope with stress during communication, do the following:

Notice when you get nervous.
If you're nervous while communicating, your body will let you know. Are your muscles or stomach tight and/or sore? Are your hands clenched? Is your breathing shallow? Do you "forget" to breathe? Take a moment to calm down before continuing the conversation or putting it aside.
Ask your mind for “help” and quickly pull yourself together by taking a few deep breaths, squeezing and relaxing your muscles, or, for example, remembering a calming, positive image that evokes positive emotions.
The best way to quickly and reliably reduce stress is to listen to your senses: sight, hearing, touch, taste sensations and sense of smell. But each person reacts differently to sensory sensations, so you need to find what works for you in a calming way.
Look for a drop of humor in the current situation.
If you approach it correctly, humor can be a great way to relieve tension during communication. When you or others start to take things too seriously, find a way to cheer everyone up by telling a joke or a funny story.
Be willing to compromise.
Sometimes, if both you and your interlocutor are able to give in a little, you can find a middle ground that will suit and reassure all parties concerned. If you realize that the subject of the conversation is much more important to the other person than it is to you, it may be easier for you to compromise, while laying a solid foundation for the future relationship.
If necessary, stand by your opinions.
Before returning to the situation, take a break so everyone can calm down. Take a short break and step away from the current situation. Take a walk outside if possible, or meditate for a few minutes. Physical movement or rest in quiet place to restore internal balance will help you quickly relieve stress and calm down.

Habit 4: Be Confident

Openness and self-confidence help build clear rapport, as well as improve self-esteem and make decision-making easier for you. Being confident means expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs openly and honestly while being able to stand up for yourself and respect others. This does NOT mean being hostile, aggressive, or picky. Effective communication is about understanding the other person, not about winning an argument or pushing your opinion on others.

To increase self-confidence:

Value yourself and your abilities. They are just as important as someone else's.
Know your needs and desires. Learn to express them without violating the rights of others.
Express negative thoughts in a positive way. It's okay to be angry, but you also need to show respect for others.
Take comments towards you positively. Accept compliments graciously, learn from your mistakes, ask for help when you need it.
Learn to say no. Know the limits of your patience and don't let others take advantage of you. Look for a way out of the situation so that everyone is happy as a result.

It is much better not to believe in a person, but to be confident in him.
Stanislav Jerzy Lec

Developing positive communication skills

An empathic statement expresses empathy for another person. First understand the other person's situation or feelings, and then confidently express your needs or opinions. "I know you've been very busy at work, but I want you to make time for us too."

Growing self-confidence can be used when your first attempts are unsuccessful. Over time, you become more decisive and assertive: your statement may communicate specific consequences if your needs are not taken into account. For example, "If you do not comply with the agreement, I will be forced to go to court."

Start practicing assertiveness in less risky situations, which will help build your self-confidence. Or ask friends or family if they will let you practice assertiveness techniques on them first.

Oxytocin is released - the hormone of love, friendship and trust, it has a relaxing effect on muscles and is effective in relieving stress. But what to do if stress and mistrust arise due to the fact that communication does not work out? Is it possible to break the vicious circle? Let's figure it out.

Failure in communication can be caused by a number of factors. The most common reasons include the following:

Stereotypes. Due to the simplified and generalized opinion, there is no adequate understanding of the situation and the participants.
Prejudice. IN in this case We are talking about the categorical denial of any opposing opinions and views.
Hostile attitude towards an opponent. A negative attitude towards the person himself does not allow him to adequately perceive the situation and information.
Lack of feedback (attention and interest). Interest is a manifestation of the subjective significance of information for a person. If something is not important to him or is not clear, then he is not interested.
Ignoring facts. Conclusions based on guesses, intuition, superficial information.
Illogical speech, unconvincingness, incorrect use of words or construction of speech.
Error when choosing tactics and communication strategies.

Communication Strategies

The choice of strategy depends on the situation. There are 3 possible communication options:

Monologue - dialogic.
Role-based – personal, that is, communication social roles and “heart to heart.”
Open and closed. The first type involves the full expression of one’s point of view and the acceptance of someone else’s, the exchange of similar but identical information. With closed communication, a person cannot or does not want to fully express his position. Closed communication is used in and when there is a pronounced difference in the levels of competence of the parties.

Barriers to communication

You've probably decided that you don't know how to communicate with people after encountering some kind of communication barrier. And they, by the way, are inevitable. But, which cannot but rejoice, they are easily overcome. I suggest you familiarize yourself with them.

Barriers to understanding

Phonetic

Monotonous, too fast or “polluted” speech.

Stylistic

Inconsistency of speech style with the situation or the partner’s condition.

Semantic

Different interpretations of the meanings of words by partners.

Logical

Misunderstanding your opponent's logic.

Barrier of socio-cultural differences

Characterized by different interpretations concepts and situations due to differences in religious, political, social or professional views.

Relationship barrier

Distrust or non-acceptance of information due to negative attitude towards the informant, that is, a biased attitude.

Difficulties in informal communication

In addition to general communication barriers, we can highlight certain features that make contact with people difficult. Consider whether you suffer from any of the following.

Social uncertainty. It suggests a lack of self-confidence caused by the perception of one’s status. For example, when communicating with your boss.
Timidity. May be triggered by biological or social factors. Personal characteristics (biological) include aggression, slowness, and other characteristics of temperament. Other causes of timidity may lie in low self-esteem after suffering stress or trauma, social isolation in childhood, unsuccessful personal communication experiences, lack of vocabulary, literacy, oratory skills.
Shyness. It also stems from psychological and social factors.
Inability to establish psychological contact. It is caused by a lack of psychological literacy, ignorance of people, and the inability to see the characteristics of a partner.

Reasons for people's inadequate perceptions

Why does communication with some people never work out? Maybe you don't accept the person himself? So, what prevents you from correctly perceiving your interlocutor:

An idea about the interlocutor formed even before the start of personal communication.
Thinking with stereotypes, that is, instantly assigning a person to any group and looking for his characteristic features.
Early inferences in personality assessment.
Focusing only on one’s own ideas about a person, ignoring outside opinions.
Habit towards a person, the conviction that he “doesn’t know any other way.”

For adequate perception, it is important to exclude these factors and develop the ability to:

empathy (representing the emotions of others);
identification (putting yourself in other people’s shoes);
reflection (evaluate how others see you).

Individuals with communication difficulties

Communication problems can be presented as follows. Try to determine your type.

Wants, but doesn't know how to communicate

Does not want, does not know how and cannot communicate

Caused by autism, neurosis, depression.

He can, but he can’t and doesn’t want to

Caused by alienation, detachment from society.

He can, he can, but he doesn’t want to

Caused by self-sufficiency.

Maybe he wants to, but he's afraid

Caused by shyness.

Communication competence and competence

I think we should distinguish between the concepts of competence and competency:

Competence is knowledge of ways to solve communication problems.
Competence is a personal characteristic, a set of several competencies, that is, internal resources, knowledge, skills and abilities necessary to create and maintain interaction (communication).

Diagnosis of your skills

In the course of communication, people have a strong influence on each other's personalities. It is possible that your communication does not work out due to intolerance to criticism, since as a result of communication, the claims and intentions of the parties, their thoughts, emotions and feelings always change. I suggest you evaluate yourself as an interlocutor.

I advise you to take a communicative competence test (author V. E. Levkin) so that you know what you are dealing with. I will ask you to answer 5 questions as honestly as possible. Remember that over-reporting is just as bad as under-reporting. In the first case, you run the risk of perceiving yourself and the world inadequately, and in the second, you run the risk of acquiring uncertainty and becoming passive. So answer each question honestly on a scale from 1 to 7 (how strong you are on each scale).

The ability to listen and hear, to listen and listen, the ability to force listening.
The ability to convey one’s thoughts clearly and accurately, in a language understandable to the interlocutor, the ability to persuade.
The ability to understand and take into account people's emotions, motives and intentions, the ability to motivate.
The ability to communicate to control your emotions, maintain clarity of mind and understanding of the meaning of actions.
The ability to prevent and resolve conflicts, find a way out of pre-conflict situations.

If an ability receives a low rating, it means it needs to be developed. For getting overall result multiply all the estimates and summarize.

15043-16807 points (90-100%) – excellent.
11682-15042 points (70-89%) – good.
4959-11681 points (30-69%) – satisfactory.
1598-4958 points (10-29%) – weak.
1-1597 points (1-9%) – very weak.

If you doubt your assessment or want to know how others see you, then ask someone to answer these statements about you.

Thus, you have obtained a result regarding overall communicative competence and individual abilities. Now you know your weaknesses and strengths. It's time to act!

The basics of working on yourself

It should be understood that a lack of communication skills is easier to change than a lack of communication skills. The first is the inability to establish contact, that is, ignorance of the basics of the communication process, strategies, rules. Sociability is the inability to establish contacts due to personal characteristics. Therefore, I suggest you two areas of work:

To improve your communication skills, it is enough to remember the material in this article and practice regularly.
For personal changes, you need to establish the reasons for failures (write down what preceded unsuccessful contacts). After this, delve into the study of a specific problem, for example, shyness, aggressiveness, and so on, and also study self-regulation methods for what cannot be changed, for example, characteristics. IN in some cases A visit to a psychotherapist may be necessary.

How to overcome shyness

Shyness is the most popular reason failures in communication. I want to look at it in more detail.

Don't shy away from conversations. Whatever discomfort you feel, communicate with different people. Find something interesting and enjoyable for yourself.
A popular misconception among shy people: you only need to say smart things. Give yourself permission to say trivial things.
Allow yourself to be a child, but not irresponsible, but spontaneous and cheerful. Remember how easily children begin to talk to each other.
Learn to be spontaneous. Tell jokes and life stories.
Help people. Sometimes, due to shyness, a person cannot even say “thank you,” which is perceived as arrogance and anger.
Control your face, watch your smile.

Unfortunately (or fortunately), shyness and similar traits can only be overcome using the “wedge by wedge” method.

What to do if people annoy you

Try to find real reasons people's behavior. For example:

A chatty woman is probably lonely.
An arrogant person is shy.

Learn to pay attention to positive features people, not petty manifestations.

How to communicate with the opposite sex

Difficulties in communicating with the opposite sex are usually caused by parental scripts and stereotypes. Forget all the “shoulds”, allow yourself to be yourself and form your own idea of your partner. The basis of the work is drawing up realistic expectations and requirements for yourself and your partner. What are you missing?

How to be attractive to your interlocutor

Communicative attractiveness, or attraction, consists of the following provisions:

Do not skimp on personal addresses (by first name or first and patronymic). This subconsciously arouses interest and is regarded as attention and respect.
Do not forget to smile and maintain an “open” face, be friendly.
Don't avoid compliments and praise. Encouragement is pleasant for all people.
Always let your interlocutor speak. If you are not interested or have already heard about it, then listen patiently with a friendly face.
Operate with knowledge about your interlocutor (zodiac sign, hobby, temperament).

General rules for effective interaction

Speak in understandable language. If your partner does not understand slang or professional terminology, then you should not go into it.
Show signs of respect and attention (verbal and non-verbal).
Focus on common aspects (religion, profession, gender, hobbies).
Be interested in problems, listen to experiences.

Psychotechnics of communication

Think through the scenario and possible development of communication in advance.
Create a favorable psychological environment. The best option– personal communication at close range. Don't start a conversation right off the bat. Ask, for example, how your interlocutor got there. Think over your appearance(clothing, makeup, image). Your appearance and politeness are the first things that attract or repel your partner.
Stimulate the activity of your interlocutor, give preference to dialogue, and observe speech etiquette.
Choose your behavior according to the situation, but always be attentive to your interlocutor. Signs of attention: slight tilt of the body forward, movements of the eyebrows, paraphrasing of words (I understand that... Is that right?).
Establish psychological contact through gradual rapprochement (its basis is confidence, interest, honesty, emotional stability); creation of "We"; fulfilling feasible and even the slightest requests during the conversation; compliments, encouragement, approval.
Prove your position from the point of view of your partner’s interests, not your own (first identify the characteristics of the person opposite).
Don’t forget about self-regulation (managing your emotions and feelings, thoughts, sensations) and other recommendations for communication.

If you need to speak in front of an audience

An audience is a group of people united by an activity and a place. Group psychology, and in particular group perception, differs from individual perception. For example, a large group is characterized by suggestibility, imitation, contagion, and intense experience of emotions. Except that the motives may differ. Some came on their own for the sake of interest and knowledge, while others came “voluntarily-compulsorily” on someone’s order or request.

Communication with an audience, that is, a lot of people, is a special situation that requires its own psychological adjustments, so to speak. It is important to know methods of maintaining interest, attracting attention, self-control, and conveying information, no matter what. So, what you need to know and how to behave when communicating with the audience:

The optimal distance is 3-4 meters. Further it is regarded as arrogance or uncertainty, closer - a violation of space, pressure. Avoid physical touch. But you should understand that these nuances depend on the audience and the topic of conversation.
Pause at the beginning of your speech. This is necessary to prepare the audience. At the moment of a pause, the listeners will look at you and the surrounding environment, that is, they will tune in to attentive listening. At the same time, the listeners will become intrigued, and the speaker himself will have time to calm down.
Avoid monotonous boring speeches and direct calls (“Attention!”, “Please be more careful!”).
Monitor the variety and volume of information, and the relevance of the content to the interests of the audience.
If you see that some material “doesn’t work,” then improvise. Always monitor the listener's reaction.
How to attract attention? Try to maintain intriguing pauses. Organize the text according to the “question-answer” principle. Give contradictory and controversial arguments.
Use different styles of speech, including provocative ones.
Use interesting expressions, quotes, aphorisms.
Change your speech rate and voice tone.
Use epithets and other figures of speech.
Focus on the theses and draw preliminary conclusions.
Always highlight an issue and present alternative views on it.
Maintain eye to eye contact. You can choose 1-2 people from the front rows.
Give your speech the character of a discussion, polemic (with yourself or with the audience).
Don't skimp on visuals and gestures (but don't overdo it).
Address the audience (“So, dear listeners, we have come to ...”).
Try to talk yourself, rather than read from a piece of paper.
Pay attention to the beginning of the speech. Phrases like “I haven’t prepared specifically, but let’s try”, “I don’t even know how to start”, “You may not like what I say” are not suitable. It is better to give preference to phrases such as “Have you heard”, “You probably don’t know yet.” At the same time, do not forget about greetings and addresses.
Give preference to the pronouns “we”, “you”, try not to overuse “I”.
Remember that the beginning and end of information are best remembered. Try your best important points do not include in the middle of the text.
It is important to work on your speech literacy. Incorrectly used stylistically words or incorrect pronunciation can cause irritation, ridicule and irony from the audience. And what is even more dangerous is loss of attention. Listeners will follow the speaker and his speech, and not the content of the thought.
No method of attracting attention will save if the speaker’s personality itself does not endear the audience. First of all, you need to respect the audience, be sensitive and attentive, and friendly. Other moral and ethical qualities that inspire trust and interest include integrity, erudition, conviction, and self-criticism.

Qualities of a good speaker

I would like to introduce you, dear readers, to the qualities of a good speaker. Possessing these qualities, you will be able to communicate with an entire audience (group of friends) at once without any problems.

Competence in the topic under discussion, erudition, high level general culture of the individual.
Confidence in one’s own activities and spoken thoughts.
Flexibility, criticality and self-criticism (qualities of mind).
Decisiveness, self-control, perseverance (qualities of will).
Resistance (to external stimuli), impulsiveness (reaction to in the right places to a problematic situation), cheerfulness (qualities of emotions).
Kindness, sociability, modesty, tact (qualities of the communicative sphere).
Organized, purposeful, efficient, energetic, efficient (business qualities).

It is important to understand that the same qualities provide different results. When combined with temperament and character, they form an individual style of communication with the audience.

How to communicate without conflicts

Conflicts often occur from the inability to communicate with people. By the way, they can happen for other reasons, but without communication skills they definitely cannot be resolved. How to communicate so as not to get into conflict? How to respond to rudeness and controversy?

Always remember, do not give free rein to your emotions.
If you can’t hold back at all, then challenge yourself: “Can I withstand the pressure and inadequacy of these people?”
Don't be categorical, don't make rash decisions, and don't throw counter-offers aside.
Focus on similar points of view rather than different ones. If there are none, then leave the conversation or continue to calmly insist on your own.
Respect the other person and yourself. Remember that when you insult, the negativity also reaches you.
If necessary or convenient, take the conversation in a different direction, change the topic, be the first to stop in a “hot” situation.
If you think that some thought of yours will cause breakdown from your communication partner, then choose the mildest possible wording or abstain altogether (if possible).
Do not repeat the same arguments, especially if they are met with the same denial.
Be able to recognize the right of every person to have their own opinion, which may not correspond to yours. Leave your opponent the right to remain unconvinced.
Remember that everyone, including you, can make mistakes. Listen to other points of view on controversial issues, double-check information, expand existing data.

Always remember that everything negative emotions provide bad influence first of all on your body, and then on your opponent. A lot of energy is spent on arguing, worrying, and hostility. A emotional stress turns into muscle tension of the whole body (psychosomatics).

Principles of a secular society

Secular communication has a number of mandatory requirements:

Be polite and tactful, so you maintain and respect the interest of the other party.
Try to avoid objections and accusations. Express approval and agreement.
Be friendly and welcoming.
Remember that in a secular society people rarely express true emotions and feelings.

Principles of business communication

Communication at work has completely different features that are important to consider in order to successfully communicate with colleagues and your boss.

Focus on the general thread of the conversation and the main goal, invest according to this (cooperativity).
Do not underestimate, but also do not exaggerate the content and volume of information. Speak strictly to the point (sufficient information).
Don't lie or hide facts (quality of information).
Stay on topic (appropriateness).
Be precise and specific in your statements and arguments (clarity).
Know how to listen and isolate the main ideas from the context (understanding).
Take into account the individual characteristics of the interlocutor, but remember the main goal and idea of the conversation.

Boundaries and principles business communication, as a rule, are discussed by the interlocutors in advance.

Afterword

So, communicating with people is not difficult and not scary. You only need:

be confident in yourself and what you do and say;
respect yourself and others (do not get personal);
listen to the opponent and get to know him, that is, have developed empathy;
be critical, but not categorical;
always maintain a friendly attitude (gratitude, greetings, compliments);
have communicative competencies;
get rid of personal “cockroaches”.

Remember that the cause of communication problems always lies within yourself and it is up to you to overcome these obstacles. I wish you strength to solve your difficulties and eradicate unwanted traits. Grow personally, and the ability to communicate will come to you on its own!

Literature on the topic

If you are interested in astrology and believe in the power of the zodiac signs, then I advise you to purchase the book by I. O. Rodin and T. M. Pimenova “How to communicate with this or that zodiac sign in order to always win?” In the book, each sign is divided into thematic blocks: a description of the sign itself ( general characteristics, behavior at home and at work, habits and leisure, characteristics of children, men and women); interaction tactics in a positive way (how to get a subordinate to work, establish contact with a boss, build personal relationships, behave in everyday life and in bed) and in a negative way (how to provoke and win a scandal, get a divorce, get around a colleague); compatibility with other signs. I’ll say right away that I don’t welcome a block of negative recommendations, but anything can happen in life. Maybe you will find it useful.
For other readers, to broaden their horizons and improve their communication skills, I advise you to read the work of O. G. Ridetzkaya “Psychology of Communication: A Reader.” It presents very extensive material for the theory and practice of communication. The features of communications based on character accentuations are analyzed.
I also recommend reading the book by T. A. Tarasova “The Art of Communication: for those who want to learn how to communicate skillfully: workbook" This is material for practice: self-knowledge and self-correction. The phenomenon of communication is divided into blocks, for example, “acquaintance”, “oratory”. Tests are given to determine personal qualities, practical exercises, recommendations.
Another practical guide to improving communication skills and developing the ability to constructively influence people is B. Burg’s book “From Opponents to Allies.” This is popular science literature that describes in detail each principle of successful interaction.

What prevents us from easily and simply communicating with people - talking, maintaining contact? After all, speaking is one of the most important human abilities.

There are many reasons, the most popular of which are:

Shyness,
- fear of saying something stupid,
- fear of being misunderstood,
- reluctance to express one's opinion -

and many other excuses that hide the psychological problem of communication. How to communicate with people correctly so that this process brings joy, how to reveal the secret of the ability to talk and negotiate - .

Why you can't talk to people correctly

The ability to communicate with people is required every day. Thanks to the ability to speak, we can convey our thoughts, make friends, confess our love, achieve career growth and remain confident in any life situation. Entire life modern man consists of intersections with other people, and communication skills are essential.

But what to do if the conversation doesn't work out? Fear, isolation, unsociability, uncertainty - all this makes it impossible to find mutual language with an interlocutor. Helps Unravel the Secret of Effective Communication System-vector psychology Yuri Burlan.

Communicative interaction is the activity of transmitting and receiving information between people. It seems that everything is simple and clear. But for some reason a glitch occurs, and a person cannot easily perform these same actions. The reasons lie in his psyche, which determines thoughts, hidden motives, priorities. Regardless of education or age, the psychology of communication is closely related to a set of desires and values specific person, called vectors.

Rules of communication psychology: for whom is it important?

For the owner of the anal vector, the problem will be the fear of disgracing himself, of saying something wrong, inappropriately. Excellent memory and the ability to analyze past events carefully preserve in his thoughts all past mistakes and mistakes.

An innate tendency toward perfectionism and attention to detail force him to constantly scroll through a different set of conversation options in his head and think about the next word. Therefore, his speech is slow, burdened with many details, often unnecessary to the interlocutor. If he is interrupted during a conversation or forced to speak faster, he may fall into a stupor and lose the thread of the conversation.

Tendency to generalize bad personal experience instead of productively using your analytical abilities in professional activity inevitably leads to fear of communication. And even if such a person begins to attend training on communicating with people, problems will most likely remain. The set of rules and recommendations received there shows how to work on the investigation, but will not be able to remove the cause of uncertainty and difficulties in communication.

And this is the main thing - to understand the reasons for your fears and problems. How is that medical diagnosis. When it is accurately diagnosed and the cause of the disease is determined, it can be cured. Knowing how the psyche works, its properties can be used for the benefit of others and for your own joy.

It's scary to communicate with people: how to overcome yourself

What if it’s scary not only to communicate, but even to live? The enormous emotional amplitude of the owner of the visual vector sometimes plays cruel jokes on him. The range of emotions from boundless happiness to the same boundless grief and melancholy. A stunningly rich imagination throws up fantastic stories with disasters, murders and innumerable misfortunes.

It is people with the visual vector who have the strongest fears, panic attacks and anxiety.

The innate fear of death is the root emotion, as the cause of all the variety of phobias remains in a visual person, when all his thoughts revolve around fear for himself and his own safety. He begins to be afraid to communicate with people, playing out fantastic stories about robberies, violence, and murders in his head. The viewer's fantasies are so vivid and exciting that he begins to believe them, live in a fictional reality and cannot get out of there.

The paradox is that fantasies are transferred to real life. The more the viewer fears for himself, the more fears he has, the more often he finds himself in situations where he becomes a victim of stories that are no longer made up. He can't be confident. He “smells” of fear, “victim”, and this smell is caught by everyone - from dogs that growl and bite such people, to rapists and robbers.

Advice from psychologists on how to overcome fear, overcome yourself, stop being afraid, does not give any results. And this is understandable. After all, again we are trying to fight the consequences, not understanding the reasons for any fears, including the fear of communicating with people. Awareness of one's properties and desires allows a person to get rid of all problems associated with hypertrophied self-care and fear for oneself.

Empathy for other people, your family, loved ones, friends allows the viewer to establish strong emotional contact with the interlocutor and share with him his sorrows and joys. In this case, the fear goes away and there are no communication problems at all. On the contrary, people are drawn to such people. They want to be close to them, feeling genuine sympathy and empathy.

How to learn to communicate when I'm not interested in you

Sound artists are generators of ideas. But with whom to share them? Who can understand and discuss them? Potentially brilliant, but difficult to communicate, seemingly fixated on themselves and their thoughts, sound artists often withdraw into themselves and have trouble making contact with people. They cannot clearly and simply express their thoughts, because the meaning is clear to them, and pronouncing the entire chain of words is no longer interesting.

Egocentric by nature, arrogant and “the smartest”, people with the sound vector can engage in spiritual self-improvement, the psychology of which is to cognize what is not in the material world. Of course, finding like-minded people for such communication is not easy. But if this happened, then the two sound engineers will discuss higher worlds, spiritual themes or happily remaining silent while sitting at night under the starry sky.

To answer the eternal questions - who am I, where am I from and where am I going? - the sound engineer needs to realize his desires and characteristics. Having realized that his main desire is to know himself, the people around him and the meaning of life, the sound artist can come out of his “shell” and begin to explore the world. Shifting concentration from one's own internal states on others, it completely solves all problems of communicating with people.

Sometimes talking to people can be confusing. You probably often think that you would like conversations to bring joy and not be a burden. If you can't gather your thoughts when you're about to say something, or feel like you can't say anything, it's time to improve your communication skills and recapture the joy of talking to people.

Steps

Learn from others

Starting a conversation

Put yourself in conversation with people. At the very beginning of the conversation, all participants are at a comfortable distance from each other. Try to stand or sit next to those who are close to you.

Introduce yourself to the group. This is a common procedure for every person. This can be a nod of the head or simply saying “hello”, and it will be better if you say the name. Standard phrases like “how are you?” and “okay, how are you?” usually used to create the right atmosphere in a group. Experiment with phrases. The conversation follows the usual pattern: greeting, the essence of the conversation and farewell. The gist of the conversation follows the greeting.

Now your interlocutors will speak in turns. Express your opinion during the conversation, although it is completely normal and even important to remain a listener for as long as necessary.
Farewell: After a while, the conversation will come to an end and people will say goodbye.

Start the conversation yourself.
- Create a comfortable atmosphere. Do this through your posture, tone of voice, or friendly facial expression.
- Maintain a friendly atmosphere towards the people you want to talk to.
- Engage people in conversation. Do this with the original question. Ask a question that is easy to answer. Or analyze a situation that is known to both of you.
- Keep the conversation going (it's like being the host of a small party).

Alternately joining a conversation

If you are given a word from other people, use this opportunity well. For example, you may be asked a question. Or someone may invite you to express your opinion through gestures or nonverbal communication.
- Join the conversation yourself. There are always small pauses in the conversation when the one who is speaking finishes his thought. Take matters into your own hands and fill the gap. But someone may try to say something at the same moment. There is always friendly rivalry between band members. You can be the first!
Say what you want to say. When we listen to a conversation, we become overwhelmed with feelings, thoughts, and reactions. Respond to your inner urges and at the same time bring the conversation back to what was discussed before. Join the conversation.

Unleash your ability to react. Talking is much harder than writing, because it’s like music. Conversation has rhythm, melody, harmony, spontaneity and movement. These are qualities that are as important as lyrics. Unleash your ability to respond through variations in voice, facial expression and gestures.

Remember that ideas come when you say. But if they don't come, try to focus on what you want to say, for example by using words like "uh" or other expressions of confusion, and you can also ask yourself questions out loud. Some teachers underestimate the importance of such words ( think before you speak); but this is not true. In fact, in conversation it is important to use words that do not have meaning in order to achieve the highest meaning.

Join the conversation

Approach a group of people. Become an interested observer for a while.

Move even closer and find out if your presence is welcome. This is usually determined by secret gestures and movements.

Try to keep the conversation going by listening to others and appreciating their thoughts.

After a while, make a goodbye sign and leave.

Improving communication skills

Observe the structure of the conversation. It's simple. Greetings; the essence of the conversation; parting. The nature of greetings and farewells varies depending on different cultures, but in general this is standard procedure. Both greetings and farewells are opportunities to express good wishes to others. .

Listen to the conversation. After greeting, you need to join the conversation by saying something impressive! It is best to first listen a little to what is being said. You will understand people's interests and be able to catch the rhythm of the conversation.

Don't feel obligated to listen to everything. It is very easy to become overwhelmed by everything that others are saying and become hypnotized so that it is impossible to collect your thoughts. Learn how to rest during a conversation to collect your own thoughts.

Listen to what they say and join in the exclamations. Exclamations are expressions of feelings. When people agree with what is said, they may say “yes” or other expressions of reaction. When we disagree, we use other means of expression.

Be aware of your own purpose in the conversation. Examples of conversation goals are as follows:

Fun and relaxed communication.
Research the issue.
Provision of information.
Encouraging or persuading people.

Determine the risk of what is being said. Mumbling along with everyone is fun, and you don't take as many risks until you gain confidence. Asking questions about what is being discussed in a conversation is encouraged, and it is also not big risk. When talking to yourself, you take a lot of risks, but this is allowed when talking about standard topics. Getting personal or touching on political or religious topics increases the risk of disagreement and irritation, but this does not mean that you should avoid such conversations. Try to determine the depth and seriousness of other interlocutors.
Include quieter group members in the conversation. To get the most out of a conversation, it's important to hear from everyone, not just dominant personalities. This doesn't mean you should demand someone express their thoughts or bombard them with questions, but you should just look at them during the conversation and let them know that you are taking them into account. Leave a little time after someone finishes speaking so that the less confident person can say something.
- If you notice that someone is talking but not including quiet people in the conversation, you can redirect your attention to them when they are talking to you. For example, if you have just finished speaking, it is likely that the next speaker will pay attention to you as he expresses his thoughts about what you said. If everyone's attention is on you, it can be easy to redirect attention to other people in the group. This helps because when you're looking into someone's eyes and they're looking somewhere else, it's normal to shift your gaze.
- These fears are a bit controversial, but most people experience these fears to some degree. This is completely normal, and we can use fear as a reminder to learn, practice, and develop skills.

Warnings

In any conversation there is a risk of losing your social position if you speak inappropriately. But there is also the opposite risk if you lack confidence in your own ideals and opinions.
This guide is suitable for English-speaking regions of the West. In other regions, customs may differ, for example, there is an order of speaking in turns, depending on status in the group.
Stay safe. You may accidentally speak to someone who may misunderstand you. A person may understand what you say differently than you would like and take advantage of it. Think about how to maintain your point of view and your own safety before you get into such a situation.