I think they made the right decision. When to use intuition? What determines decision making in a difficult situation?

How to make a decision when in doubt? This is a very important question. After all, our whole life is actually a string of decisions made on the simplest and most complex issues. And each previous decision determines what subsequent new questions life will pose to us and what opportunities will open up before us. It’s strange that the school spent so much time on trigonometry, but did not give any instructions on such an important issue...

I have some faithful assistants– proven techniques that have helped me out many times and helped me accept correct solution. I learned some techniques at trainings on personal growth, some are from the works of great philosophers, and some were suggested to me... by my grandmother.

Sometimes it gets a little scary how even the simplest decision can change our destiny. Here is an example from life:

The girl was invited to a party during the week. She was thinking whether to go or not to go. Tired after work. Plus there's an important presentation tomorrow morning. Still, I DECIDED to go. And as a result, I met my love. She got married and gave birth to her beloved children. She has found her happiness and often asks herself what her fate would have been like if she had not gone to that party.

So, the continuation of the scenario of our life depends on our every decision, even the smallest one.

In this context, I like the film starring Jim Carrey Always say yes" If you haven't seen this film, I highly recommend watching it. Few people know that the comedy is based on the biographical book of British writer Danny Wallace, who answered only “YES” to all offers for 6 months. The writer even starred in the film in the “bachelorette party” scene in a cameo role.

So, back to our main question: “How to make the right decision when in doubt?”.

1st method “Intuition”.

All subsequent techniques are very important, but the role of intuition should not be underestimated in any case. You have noticed that most often we immediately know and feel what to do. For example, I I tell myself: “Listen. What is your stomach telling you? You need to listen to your inner voice. But if this does not help, I use several simple and proven techniques.

In fact, this is folk wisdom, which is the quintessence of the experience of many previous generations our ancestors. They have been noticing certain causes and effects for thousands of years. And they passed this knowledge on from generation to generation. So, my grandmother told me, if you have doubts, you don’t know what decision to make, ask the two closest people for advice. Grandmother said that through them the Angels tell you the best decision for you.

This method can to some extent be called a consequence of the previous method: if your Angel cannot “reach out” to you with the right decision through intuition, then he passes it on through the people closest to you.

3rd method “Descartes square for decision making”.

The essence of this simple technique is that the problem or issue must be considered from 4 different sides. After all, we often get hung up on one question: what will happen if THIS HAPPENS? Or, what will I get if I DO THIS? But you need to ask yourself not 1, but 4 questions:

What will, if this will happen? (pros of this).
What will, if this NOT will happen ? (pros of not getting it).
What Will not, if this will happen? (disadvantages of this).
What Will not, if this will NOT happen? (disadvantages of not getting this).

To make it clearer, you can ask the questions a little differently:

4th technique “Expanding choice”.

This is a very important technique. Often we become fixated on only one choice, “YES or NO,” “Do or Don’t,” and in our persistence we forget to consider all other options. For example, whether to buy this particular car on credit or not. If not, then continue to take the metro. Because we focus only on the “YES or NO” option, we forget about other options. For example, an alternative to taking the subway could be buying an inexpensive car. And no longer on credit.

5th method Jose Silva “Glass of water”.

This is an amazing, effective, working technique. Its author is Jose Silva, who became famous around the world for the Silva Method he developed.– complex psychological exercises. This is how you should do the exercise. Before going to bed, take a glass of clean, unboiled water with both hands (you can take mineral water), close your eyes and formulate a question that requires a solution. Then drink about half of the water in small sips, repeating to yourself approximately the following words: “This is all I need to do in order to find the right solution.” Open your eyes, put the glass with the remaining water near the bed and go to bed. In the morning, drink your water and thank you for the right decision. The solution may clearly “come” immediately in the morning after waking up, or it may dawn in the middle of the day. The decision will come like a flash and it will become completely incomprehensible, as could have been doubted. This is it, the right decision.

6th technique “Stick to your basic priorities”

The technique is based on the ideas of philosophers Ancient Greece. “Ataraxia” is equanimity, calmness. It is achieved when a person correctly distributes the value system. After all, most often a person is restless and suffers from not getting what he wants.

The key to achieving happiness is very simple: you need to be happy with what you have and not desire what you cannot have! (Aldous Huxley)

The wise Greeks distributed the IMPORTANCE of values and their basic priorities as follows:

Natural and Natural Values like, water and food.
Values are natural, but not quite natural, dictated by the sociality of all people, for example, the value of having higher education and other similar stereotypical values. You can free yourself from most of these values.
Values are not natural and not natural. This is fame, success, veneration, wealth. This is the opinion of others, condemnation from the outside. Or, conversely, excessive praise. You can easily say goodbye to these values!

So, when you want to get something when making a decision, analyze according to the above classification whether you really need it or these are not natural and natural values imposed on you by the stereotypes of society. Don't think about what others will think, but at the same time be sure that your decision will not harm anyone.

7th technique “Wait”.

When making important and long-term solutions, it is important to get rid of emotions. For example, in relationships with loved ones or if you want to change jobs, but are afraid of change.

Sometimes, to make the right decision, you just have to wait. You know that impulsive desires are often difficult to deal with. At the same time, if you wait a little, the desire may disappear on its own. And what seemed a prime necessity yesterday seems completely unnecessary today. No wonder they say: “I need to sleep with this thought.”

To get rid of emotions, you can use an exercise called “10/10/10”. We need to answer the question “How will I feel about this in 10 hours/10 months/10 years?”

Summary.

You got the answer to the question, how to make a decision when in doubt? And now you have to make your choice. When making a decision it is important:

turn off emotions;
listen to intuition;
ask advice from 2 closest people;
consider other options, expand the choice;
evaluate all the PROS and CONS on the issues of Descartes Square;
assess whether the decision contradicts your basic principles;
if possible, postpone the decision, wait, “sleep with this thought” using the “Glass of Water” technique.

In all other circumstances, always be confident in yourself and in your dreams, don't give up, be optimistic. Do not think about what others will think, but at the same time, your decision will be correct only when, after making it, you will have peace of mind and you will be sure that you are not harming anyone and are not going against your principles.

Don’t be afraid, make your decision, even if it turns out to be wrong, because “No one stumbles while lying in bed” (Japanese wisdom)!

I wish you inspiration and a lot of strength for all your plans and decisions!

The philosopher Jean Buridan lived in France in the 14th century. I composed a lot of things. But he was remembered by posterity for his parable about a donkey who died of hunger because he couldn’t choose which one was better to start with from two identical armfuls of hay. Don't we also look like such ass when we try to make an important decision?

Our expert - psychologist Marianna Gorskaya.

From early childhood until the end of our days, we are forced to live in a state of constant choice. What to wear: a blue dress or a red one? Which fan would you prefer: reliable or witty? Where to go to study: in prestigious university or where it’s easier? Which job to choose: profitable or interesting? And so - in everything. I really don’t want to make a mistake when the choice concerns really important things!

A million torments

It’s easiest in this regard for fatalists and people who don’t care. You float according to the will of the waves - where fate will steer you, and you don’t know trouble. Whichever dress hangs closest is what you should wear. Which of the suitors will be more persistent will marry him. Whichever employer shows more interest will get it. People with developed intuition also have a good life, as well as those who consider themselves such, and therefore are convinced that their choice is always infallible. Everyone else suffers, doubts, despairs and wonders how it is possible global solutions accept, relying on ephemeral intuition or the blind will of fate! However, it is precisely this approach, condemned by many, that, according to psychologists, often contains great life wisdom. After all, it’s impossible to calculate all the possible developments of events, so sometimes it’s better to just trust your sixth sense or even rely on Russian chance. And then act according to the circumstances.

But before you take the final step, it would be nice to weigh everything carefully. And only if, after much thought, the answer does not come by itself, then you can use your intuition or take risks.

Comprehensive approach

There are many rational methods decision making. For example, there is a well-known psychological technique: write down the pros and cons of this or that choice on a piece of paper in two columns, and then use a simple mathematical calculation to decide which one is more profitable. There is a more advanced way. It is called "Descartes square". This method of decision-making is ideal when you need to choose whether to take a life-changing step or whether it is better to leave everything as is. For example, you can resort to this method to decide whether to divorce your husband or not, change your job or stay the same, take out a mortgage or not, put up with your mother-in-law or not communicate with her for the rest of your days. The essence of this simple technique is to look at the situation more broadly, not from one or two, but from four different sides. To do this, you need to divide a sheet of paper into 4 columns and answer 4 questions:

What will happen if this happens? (The benefits of getting what you want.)
What happens if this doesn't happen? (Pros of not getting what you want.)
What will NOT happen if this happens? (Disadvantages of getting what you want.)
What will NOT happen if this does NOT happen? (Disadvantages of not getting what you want.)

After all, we often consider only the pros and cons of the occurrence of a possible event, but do not take into account the positive and negative sides"status quo". And a comprehensive assessment allows you to avoid unnecessary risks. And then you won’t have to endure annoying losses that could have easily been avoided. We wish you to make fewer mistakes!

NATA KARLIN

Man being at a crossroads when making important decision, is guided by two extremes - good and bad. What comes after we do or don't do something important? Will it be the end of the world or will peace and harmony reign? Why do we go to extremes? Is there really no middle ground?

WITH early age, every person regularly faces a choice:

Should I wear pants or a skirt today?
with a handsome guy or spend an evening with a smart and interesting admirer?
Should I go to college as a vocation or should I listen to my parents in choosing a profession?
Want to get an interesting or profitable job?

You can continue endlessly! How difficult it is to make the right decision when the choice concerns such serious things as the choice of profession or workplace.

There are people in the world who do not doubt the correctness decision taken. One can only envy them.

Fatalists don't give a damn.

This category of people involuntarily. They do not torment themselves with choice, they go with the flow in the direction where the “finger of fate” points. It’s easier for them to reach out, take out what they’re grabbing from the closet, and put it on without thinking. Go on a date with whoever calls first. Go to study at the institute that... Whatever job comes up first, you will stay in that one for the rest of your life. And, in their own way, they are absolutely right! Why torment yourself with unnecessary doubts if life itself will put everything in its place?

Intuition.

There is another category of people who never doubt the correctness of their choice. These are individuals with developed. Or those who believe that they have this feeling. They never doubt the correctness of the decision made. After all, the confidence that intuition will not let them down will not leave them.

But such people are in the minority; the rest are tormented, tormented and doubtful.

When you doubt the correctness of a decision, the “Descartes square” will help

What does a person rely on when he doesn’t know what to do correctly in a given situation?

It is possible to calculate the development of events down to the smallest detail only if you use the theory of probability. And then the value will be very approximate. However, few of us know how to do this. Therefore, by trusting to chance, you can achieve best results than those where a person intends to “swim against the tide” just to prove that the decision was correct.

To learn how to correctly assess the current problem and make decisive step, use the “Descartes square”.

There are many ways that can show the pros and cons of a decision. For example, you can divide a sheet of paper into two parts. In the first column, write down the advantages that you will gain as a result of the decision made. The second is the cons.

Most effective method is considered to be “Descartes square”. Now the sheet of paper is divided into four parts, each of which contains a question that requires a detailed answer:

Positive aspects of getting what you want. (What awaits if you accomplish what you planned);
Positive aspects of not getting what you want. (What awaits if you don’t accomplish what you planned);
Negative aspects of wish fulfillment. (What can be avoided if you get what you want);
Negative aspects of not achieving what you want. (What can be avoided if you don’t get what you want).

Answering in each square questions asked, you will quickly come to the right decision. Here you need to evaluate and weigh all the pros and cons that may arise as a result of your decision, and make the only correct one.

What influences the search for the right solution?

What is the right decision? This is the distance between the starting point (task) and the point at which a person will receive satisfaction of his needs and plans (solution). This process involves all components of a person’s personality: mind, will, character and motivation. All this both helps and hinders the right decisions. Assess yourself, try to remember what exactly motivates you at that moment when you need to mobilize all your efforts to concentrate on one task. Sweep away the unnecessary and remove the unnecessary from yourself.

Confirmation.

Looking for the right decision, a person weighs all the components of his expected success. Choose based on the facts, do not be guided by speculation and illusory “what if.” Ignore information that you consider contradictory, look for a rational grain.

Subsequence.

Every action you take to solve a problem must be consistent.

The vector of thinking about the problem should be directed to one point. Take the shortest route, without being distracted by lyrical digressions from the topic.

Mobility.

This refers to a person’s ability to respond to a changing situation. With the emergence of new facts that contradict the decision you have chosen, you should adequately assess the situation and take appropriate measures.

Concentration.

When making a decision that is important to you, it is advisable to abstract yourself from other problems. The brain's efforts need to be directed to specific task, the fulfillment of which depends peace of mind, material well-being or the future in general.

Selectivity.

Choose facts that are truly noteworthy. Sweep away unnecessary information, do not consider important what is not worth your attention and effort.

Life experience.

When making serious decisions, you should not rely only on your own experience. Consult with smart people, watch shows, look for advice on the Internet or books.

Don't put your abilities first. The successes you have achieved before are a combination of your contribution, the help of others and a happy coincidence of circumstances. Draw conclusions from mistakes, try not to “step on the same rake” in the future.

Concentrate, choose the path you will take to make a decision, calm down and act. In the matter of awareness and development of an action plan, there should not be excessive haste, fanaticism and inflated forecasts about the result. These moments reduce the effectiveness of the process and give victory a bitter taste of dissatisfaction.

3 strategies will help you not doubt your decision

The method of Canadian professor Henry Mintzberg will help you make the right decision. In his opinion, there are three steps to success:

Action.

This process means you don't have time to think. There is a category of decision making that implies that there is simply no time to think. We must act immediately. Then the attitudes laid down by the instinct of self-preservation, personal experience and the mistakes of other people come into force. To properly evaluate such situations, learn to learn from everything that life throws at you. In a specific situation it often saves.

The process of thinking about a situation for a long time is inherent in representatives of Western culture. It implies an algorithm of the following actions:

And the formulation of the problem;
Systematization of the received data;
Direction adjustment;
Assessment of parameters influencing the result and choice necessary funds For ;
Search for alternative solutions and options for the development of events;
Assessment of possible outcomes of events;
Decision and action.

Intuition.

People who make decisions on an intuitive level are guided by inspiration, which they themselves characterize as a kind of “insight” that came suddenly. It happens that a person for a long time is looking for an answer to a specific question that haunts him. He falls asleep and wakes up with this thought. One fine day, he realizes that there is no problem at all, the solution is already in his head. In the subconscious of every person there is a hidden system of knowledge and life experience. At a critical moment, all body processes are activated, which allows you to quickly navigate the current situation.

There are four stages of decision making on an intuitive level:

Identifying the problem and collecting information about it. This process involves thinking, the emotional aspect, personal experience and environmental influences;
Concentrating all mental functions on understanding the problem in order to feel the depth and possibility of its solution;
Insight (illumination), which replaces reflection;
Double-checking facts, comparative analysis of the results of developments and final adjustments.

How to make a decision and no longer doubt

So, what is considered the most important factor for good decision making? Of course, there is enough time to think, systematize factors, find the right course of action and choose one solution from several possible ones. To learn how to make decisions you will never regret, use the following tips:

Time and place.

Don't act spontaneously in taking important steps. Schedule time when you can be alone.

If you wake up the next morning feeling relieved, go for it! If not, then the solution is not correct, or not the only correct one.

Making a fateful decision. You get the feeling that there is a wall in front of you, against which you have rested your forehead, and there is no further passage. Step away from the problem for a while. For example, go to the cinema to dispel. Distract your brain from the load that forces it to work under time pressure. But as soon as you feel that the feeling of heaviness in your soul has passed, return to the problem with renewed vigor.

Important and necessary.

Think about the necessity of what you are doing now. Is this really of such value to you that it’s worth the effort and nerves? If you are on the right path, then doubts about the need to solve this problem should be dismissed. If not, then you must clearly decide for yourself what benefit is driving you.

Having made a preliminary decision, do not rush to act. Once again, evaluate the options for the development of events, compare them with previous experience, remember the mistakes of your friends, and only then proceed to implement the planned plan.

The moment you realize that your decision is the only possible and correct one, you will feel relief. Now everything has fallen into place. It’s easier for you, but you have to act strictly according to plan. Do not forget that the result you want to achieve depends on the accuracy of the sequence of actions.

February 24, 2014

When people share the worst decisions they have made in their lives, they often cite the fact that the choice was made in a fit of instinctive emotions: passion, fear, greed.

Our life would be completely different if Ctrl+Z operated in life, which would cancel decisions made.

But we are not slaves to our mood. Instinctive emotions tend to dull or disappear altogether. Therefore, folk wisdom recommends that when you need to make an important decision, it is better to go to bed. Good advice, By the way. It wouldn't hurt to take note! Although for many decisions, sleep alone is not enough. A special strategy is needed.

One of the effective tools that we would like to offer you is strategy for success at work and in life from Susie Welch(Suzy Welch) - former editor-in-chief of the Harvard Business Review, popular author, television commentator and journalist. It is called 10/10/10 and involves making decisions through the prism of three different time frames:

How will you feel about it 10 minutes later?
How will you feel about this decision 10 months from now?
What will your reaction be to this in 10 years?

By focusing our attention on these deadlines, we distance ourselves some distance from the problem of making an important decision.

Now let's look at the effect of this rule using an example.

Situation: Veronica has a boyfriend, Kirill. They have been dating for 9 months, but their relationship can hardly be called ideal. Veronica claims that Kirill is a wonderful person, and in many ways he is exactly what she has been looking for throughout her life. However, she is very worried that their relationship is not moving forward. She is 30, she wants a family and... She doesn’t have an endless amount of time to develop her relationship with Kirill, who is approaching 40. During these 9 months, she never met Kirill’s daughter from her first marriage, and the cherished “I love you” was never heard in their couple from either side.

The divorce from my wife was terrible. After this, Kirill decided to avoid Serious relationships. Moreover, he keeps his daughter out of his personal life. Veronica understands that he is hurt, but she is also offended that such an important part of her loved one’s life is closed to her.

Veronica knows that Kirill does not like to rush into making decisions. But should she then take the step herself and say “I love you” first?

The girl was advised to use the 10/10/10 rule, and this is what came out of it. Veronica was asked to imagine that right now she had to decide whether she would confess her love to Kirill over the weekend or not.

Question 1: How will you feel about this decision 10 minutes later?

Answer:“I think I would be worried, but at the same time proud of myself for taking a risk and saying it first.”

Question 2: How would you feel about your decision if 10 months had passed?

Answer:“I don’t think I’ll regret it 10 months from now. No, I will not. I sincerely want everything to work out. Those who don’t take risks don’t drink champagne!”

Question 3: How will you feel about your decision 10 years later?

Answer:“No matter how Kirill reacts, in 10 years the decision to confess your love first is unlikely to matter. By this time, either we will be happy together, or I will be in a relationship with someone else."

Note that the 10/10/10 rule works! As a result we have quite a simple solution:

Veronica must take the lead. She will be proud of herself if she does this, and sincerely believes that she will not regret what she did, even if nothing works out with Kirill in the end. But without consciously analyzing the situation according to the 10/10/10 rule, making an important decision seemed extremely difficult to her. Short-term emotions—fear, nervousness, and fear of rejection—were distracting and limiting factors.

What happened to Veronica after that, you are probably wondering. She still said “I love you” first. In addition, she tried to do everything to change the situation and stop feeling in limbo. Kirill did not confess his love to her. But progress was evident: he became closer to Veronica. The girl believes that he loves her, that he just needs a little more time to overcome his own and admit that the feelings are reciprocated. In her opinion, the chances that they will be together reach 80%.

Eventually

The 10/10/10 rule helps you win the emotional game. The feelings that you are experiencing now, at this moment, seem intense and sharp, and the future, on the contrary, is vague. Therefore, emotions experienced in the present are always in the foreground.

The 10/10/10 strategy forces you to change your perspective: consider a moment in the future (for example, in 10 months) from the same point that you look at in the present.

This technique puts your short-term emotions into perspective. This is not to say that you should ignore them. Often they even help you get what you want in a given situation. But you shouldn't let your emotions get the better of you.

It is necessary to remember the contrast of emotions not only in life, but also at work. For example, if you deliberately avoid having a serious conversation with your boss, you are allowing your emotions to get the better of you. If you imagine the possibility of having a conversation, then after 10 minutes you will be just as nervous, but after 10 months, will you be glad that you decided to have this conversation? Will you breathe a sigh of relief? Or will you feel proud?

What if you want to reward the work of an excellent employee and are going to offer him a promotion: will you doubt the correctness of your decision after 10 minutes, will you regret what you did 10 months later (what if other employees feel left out), and will it Does the promotion make any difference to your business 10 years from now?

As you can see, short-term emotions are not always harmful. The 10/10/10 rule suggests that looking at emotions in the long term is not the only correct way. It only proves that the short-term feelings you experience cannot be at the head of the table when you make important and responsible decisions.

4 289 0 Hello! In this article we will tell you how to make the right decision when in doubt.

Every day we make several decisions a day, starting from choosing a menu for breakfast and ending with our social circle. Most of our decisions are harmless and cannot radically change our lives, but there are also those on which our entire future life completely depends. In difficult situations, we often begin to doubt ourselves and the correctness of our decision, rush between several options and waste a lot of time and energy instead of taking action.

How to make the right decision in life

Decision making is a real science. However, there is nothing supernatural in it; every person can quickly and correctly learn to make decisions. It is enough to have courage, take responsibility for your life into your own hands and adhere to several rules and methods.

There are several ways to make decisions:

heuristic(based on feelings and intuition)
algorithm(based on informed decisions, study of information and analysis).

Ideally, there should be harmony between rational thinking and intuition.

In addition, the manner in which you solve problems largely depends on your personality type and temperament. Thus, extroverts prefer not to think for a long time, but to immediately begin to act, while introverts analyze a lot and can “freeze” for a long time before making a decision. Both of these strategies can fail: the extrovert will end up messing things up, and the introvert will remain stuck in the problem and wait for it to resolve itself.

Basic rules for decision making

There are some rules that you should follow if you are in doubt while making a decision.

Remember your life priorities and adhere to them strictly. Think about what is really important to you and why you work, study, etc. Often values and priorities are artificially replaced by society.
For example, The principle of “money for money’s sake” is becoming fashionable. When applying for a job, think about what you really value and why are you doing it? If you really value family and communication with children, a highly paid job with constant processing It might just not suit you. By keeping your attention on the main thing, making decisions becomes much easier.
Try it if possible. You can think endlessly about what would happen if you went and did something, or you can just try and then make a decision.
Eg If you dream of becoming a famous graphic designer, apply for an internship at advertising agency. By looking at your dream job from the inside, it will be much easier to make a decision.
Limit your options. You should have a choice, but remember that the abundance of options does not help, but, on the contrary, makes it difficult to make a decision.
Come up with an algorithm of actions if a certain situation occurs.
Eg, if you started your own business, but after a year it has not started generating income, you stop investing in an unprofitable enterprise. Such “backup” algorithms allow you to calculate risks and insure yourself in case of an unfavorable course of the situation.
Seek advice from loved ones and more experienced people. It is important to be able to process these tips. Of course, outside opinions and information received are very important. However, do not forget that sometimes people give advice by projecting their own fears and failures onto your life. Be careful and don't be influenced by other people's opinions.
State the problem several times. Seeking advice is useful not so much to hear advice as to talk through the situation. When we repeat our question several times, already at the moment of speaking, new unexpected thoughts and ideas come to us.
Stop thinking and analyzing and just act. Sometimes we have nothing to lose in a given situation, so why waste your time and energy thinking about it? Wherever there are no losses, act immediately and decisively.
Postpone your decision until tomorrow. Sometimes weighing and making a decision is much easier with a fresh mind. In addition, sometimes it is useful to rely on your subconscious and ask yourself an exciting question at night. Perhaps the first thought that comes to mind immediately after waking up will turn out to be the right option.
Limit the time for making a decision. The law of forced efficiency comes into force.
Rely not only on your experience, but also on current changes in the situation.
If you have made decisions, act immediately!

What should you not do?

Don't turn off your intuition. It’s still worth listening to your body and “signs from above.”
Do not delay in making a decision and implementing it. Otherwise, you will remain stuck with the problem.
Never regret the decisions you make. Remember that there is no ideal course of action. Everything that happens to us happens for a reason and is already the most correct decision. Maybe if we had made a different decision, there would have been a lot more problems?
Do not abuse advice and do not ask everyone.
Don't shift responsibility for your life to someone else.
Don't be led by your emotions.

Eliminating emotions

Before making a decision, it is very important to get rid of interfering emotions: fear, nervousness, excitement, etc. Such emotions prevent you from concentrating on the main thing, constantly draw attention to minor details and do not allow you to adequately look at the situation.

Fear

In order to get rid of fear, you need to very vividly imagine the worst case scenario. Of course, it will be greatly exaggerated, but replaying a frightening moment in your imagination will allow you to touch your own fear and prepare for it. possible problems on the way to the goal.

Breath

No matter how trivial it may be, deep and slow abdominal breathing will help get rid of interfering arousal. You need to breathe deeply with your stomach, rib cage at the same time practically does not move. Take 10 slow breaths in and out, holding your breath slightly for 5-7 slow counts.

Wait

Just wait. Momentary impulses and desires are not always worthy of immediate implementation. Sometimes they pass as quickly as they appear in our heads. It’s better to wait until the wave of excitement and emotions subsides than to do something stupid.

Stay focused

Try to be here and now as much as possible at the moment of making a decision. Stop being distracted by external factors and various little things. If necessary, retreat and be alone. Plunge into the problem headlong and concentrate on it.

Rule 10/10/10

To cool down your ardor, sometimes it’s enough to ask yourself three questions:

How will I feel about my decision in 10 minutes?
In 10 months?
After 10 years?

While doing this practice, try to remain as honest with yourself as possible.

Remember this state when a friend turns to us for advice. We clearly see the situation and do not pay attention to various little things. Try to look at your problem from the outside and give yourself adequate advice.

Ideal "I"

Choose the ideal one from the proposed options. Try not to think about what you want. Our desires do not always benefit us.

Decision making methods

Throughout its existence, humanity has come up with many ways to make the right decision. But before you begin to get acquainted with these methods, you need to understand what the correct solution consists of:

Information. These are dry facts without emotional coloring and information distortions.
Selectivity in information. Not all facts should be taken on faith or projected onto your life.
Concentration on the problem and its solution.
Experience. Mostly your own, but the experience of loved ones is also very valuable.
Flexibility and ability to adapt to changing situations.
An adequate assessment of what is happening.
Consistency in decision making and subsequent actions.

Avoid restrictions and boundaries

People tend to choose between two extremes: "Yes" or "No". Should I buy a car on credit or not? Divorce or not? To quit or not? We drive ourselves into the framework of a difficult choice, while the true answer to the question may be hidden in the middle or lie on a different plane altogether.

For example, someone wants to buy a car on credit, but is hesitant because he does not want to go into debt. Perhaps the question should simply be put differently and buy a cheaper car, rent an apartment closer to work, or even find a job near your current place of residence.

Try to think more broadly and avoid yes/no boxes.

Dream Diary

Imagine the goal in all its colors and your future life when you achieve it. Answer the following questions:

How will I feel?
Why do I need this?
Will I become more confident in myself?
What opportunities will open up for me?

Describe your fantasies in detail in a diary, answer questions and re-read the entries every day. At first you won't believe what you read, but over time your subconscious mind will accept the new picture.

In addition, a clear vision of your own dreams and goals helps you make decisions. The main thing is to always remember why you wake up in the morning.

Expand your choice

Don't get attached to the first option you come across. Check out other alternative solutions. What if it turns out that there are much better and more profitable options? However, you should not expand the choice to an unlimited number of options. Remember that this will only make it more difficult to solve the problem.

Disappearance

Imagine that the option you chose suddenly disappeared. What will you do in this case?

This method allows you to get rid of attachment to one specific decision and get out of the dead end of thinking.

Search for information

Study thoroughly everything related to the problem and ways to solve it. Reading reviews on the Internet has become a common ritual before purchasing a product or service. But for some reason, not everyone does the same when choosing a university or a new place of work.

Research the issue on the Internet and, if possible, communicate with those who worked or studied at this institution. This will already half protect you from making the wrong choice.

In addition, you can ask questions directly during the interview. Do not specify what bonuses the company can offer and whether there are additional “goodies” for employees. It’s better to ask who was in this position before, how many people left this vacancy and why, where they are now and how you can contact them. The answers to these questions will already be enough to make an informed decision.

If it is difficult to make a decision, you can use the Descartes square method. To do this, draw a square on a piece of paper and divide it into four more squares with two lines. In the upper left square, write everything that you will get by making this decision, and in the right - everything that you will get by not making it. In the lower squares, respectively, are everything that you will not get if you make this decision, and everything that you will not get if you do not make it.

After you finish writing all the pros and cons of this solution, all that remains is to calculate their ratio and quantity:

Subtract the number of minuses from the number of pluses in the upper right square.
Carry out the same operation with the left column of the square.
Make a decision.

Three Question Method

There is a theory that before making a decision you need to ask yourself three times. The first time the answer will come based on emotions, the second time - on the basis of logic, and the third answer will be the closest to the truth.

Try on different hats

You can make a decision in game form. To do this, imagine that you have seven hats different colors and each of them can radically change the way you think:

Red- makes you excitable and emotional;
Lilac- allows you to always remain rational;
Blue- includes intuition;
Black- makes you see only the negative and pass everything through the prism of a defeatist attitude;
Pink- makes you overly self-confident and incapable of self-criticism;
Orange— generates impossible projects and makes fantastic plans;
White - gives wisdom.

Try on all the hats and try to derive the average from the entire flow of thoughts and feelings.

Eliminating uninteresting options

You can make a choice from several alternatives using the elimination method. Remove the most unattractive option out there. Then remove another one and another one. Continue eliminating undesirable options until one option remains.

Lesser of evils

Our choices are not always associated with pleasant things. Sometimes, no matter what we choose, the consequences will not be very pleasant. What to do in this case? Accept the situation as it is and try to choose what will be least unpleasant for you.

PMI method

The abbreviation PMI can be deciphered as Plus, Minus, Interesting . Make a table with three columns. In the first, write down all the possible advantages of the decision made, in the second - the disadvantages, and in the third - just all the interesting remarks, nuances and comments that are neither pros nor cons.

This plate will help you visualize all the advantages and disadvantages of the decision made and once again weigh the pros and cons.

Practice five guiding questions

Let's assume you have already chosen a solution for your problem. How to check whether you are moving in the right direction and whether it is worth changing it? The five question method will help you with this:

Do I want this (to become someone/do something/have something)? If the answer is yes, we continue asking questions.
If I do this (become someone/do something/acquire something), will I remain in harmony with myself, the world, the Universe and God (for believers)? If yes, then we continue.
If I do this, will it bring me closer to my dream? Yes? Let's continue.
If I do this, will it violate anyone's rights? If not, then you can ask yourself one last question.
If I do this, will it make me or anyone else better?

If you have reached the last question and the answer is yes, you can safely assume that you are on the right track.

Algorithm for independent decision making

To learn how to make decisions on your own, take a piece of paper and a pen.

Write on a piece of paper exactly what your problem is.
List the reasons why it needs to be addressed.
Describe in detail the desired outcome of events.
Write down all possible solutions to the issue and actions that need to be taken.
Analyze your answers, relate them to current opportunities and start taking action.

How to decide on a job?

As you prepare to leave your job or have multiple jobs to choose from, think about your life priorities and values. If your family is at the forefront of everything, it is wrong to choose a job with long working hours and constant delays at work, even if you get good pay for it.

It will be nice in in this case ask a friend for help. After all, real risks and imaginary fears are always better visible from the outside. If you don't have anyone to ask, try giving yourself advice yourself. Try to turn off your emotions, because changing jobs can change your life for both the worse and the better.

How to decide on divorce?

If family life has cracked and everything is bad, sometimes thoughts of divorce may flash through. Don't rush to cut from the shoulder. Wait until your emotions calm down and your head becomes clear. It may be a good idea to live apart from your spouse for a little while.

Do not rush to turn to loved ones for advice. If you later change your mind and make peace with your husband or wife, your loved ones will condemn him/her, consider him/her an enemy and put a spoke in your wheels. Besides, personal life one of those areas of life where decisions should remain exclusively yours, so as not to bitterly regret later that you blindly listened to someone’s advice.

Remember to avoid narrow boundaries and radical solutions. Perhaps the question “To divorce or not?” put incorrectly and there are other solutions, for example: sort out the relationship, work through grievances, have a heart-to-heart talk, improve relationships or contact a family psychologist.

If you understand that you are much better off separately than in an alliance with your partner, and the relationship cannot be restored, perhaps it is worth getting a divorce rather than fighting for a destructive relationship that no one needs.

How can I help you make a decision?

Every person is the master of his own life. Therefore, give others the opportunity to build their own lives, win and make mistakes. If you see that your close person doubts himself, give him the opportunity to make his own decision and do not interfere with unsolicited advice. Of course, if you are asked for advice, you can express your opinion and say what you would do, but no more. You have no right to make decisions for another person or take responsibility for their life.

What prevents us from making adequate decisions? (Dan Gilbert)