How to learn to be tough with people. How to develop a strong character

“Living means: constantly throwing away from yourself that which wants to die; to live means to be cruel and merciless to everything that becomes weak and old in us, and not only in us.” Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Kindness, generosity, politeness and courtesy are what we were taught from childhood. But if you are kind to everyone, you will be considered soft-hearted and weak-willed. Modern world requires tempering of character and showing of fangs when required.

Why should you be tougher?

Rigidity will allow you to defend your interests, principles and opinions. This is more important than it seems at first glance. By defending your interests, you ensure best conditions in this situation. You don't miss your opportunities and chances.

You will achieve your goal faster if you are tougher. Kind people often give way to others, allowing them to take their places and even take away what was rightfully yours. A tougher line of behavior allows you to wipe out your opponents yourself and achieve what you want.

How to look tougher?

If you want to change, you need to start with your appearance and demeanor. Strong and cruel people are easy to distinguish in a crowd. Their behavior and body language give them away. They look straight into the eyes and do not look away cowardly. They don't slouch or look stiff. Strong man behaves calmly, evenly and self-possessed. His voice is firm, loud and calm.

How to become tougher in character?

Start changing gradually. Start standing up for your interests at work and in life. Refuse people who try to shift their work to you. Say no to people who take advantage of you and try to ride on your neck.

Don't agree to help people right away, it may tie you up with obligations that you don't need. Say that you will give an answer later, when you have thought about it thoroughly. This will prevent you from rashly getting into unnecessary problems without the advice of an analysis. Don't become a victim and hostage to other people's problems. Focus on improving your life, not someone else's.

Be tougher and bolder in life. Defend your rights and interests. Don't be silent and don't be inactive. This is your life and no one will take care of you. Why do people who come from the countryside often achieve more than those from the city? They are tougher, rude and even arrogant at times. Go and take yours, and cowardly chew snot and don’t stand on the sidelines. In life, you have to push other people with your elbows if you want to achieve your goal, and not envy the winners. Only strong people achieve their goals and achieve their dreams.

Sport helps you become more confident, stronger and tougher. A strong body takes confidence, stamina and grit to the next level. With the growth of physical strength, internal confidence is calculated.

As one hero of the film “Rock and Rolla Man” from director Guy Ritchie said: “No, I have no inclination towards cruelty, but sometimes nothing works out without it.”

It is impossible to become tougher in one day, but it is quite possible in a few months. Get out of your comfort zone, fight back against bullies, take yours and win girls. Be tougher in character and achieve victories, otherwise there’s no other way...

It is generally accepted that such a human character trait as arrogance is negative. From childhood we are raised to be modest, friendly, and responsive. Despite this, according to social surveys, a large percentage of people believe that it is arrogance that allows you to achieve your life goals. Among other things, there is an opinion that such a character trait contributes to career growth and family happiness. Therefore, many at least once in their lives have thought about the question of how to become bolder. Let's try to figure out whether such a quality really helps a person achieve what they want, and how to develop such a character trait in oneself.

What is "arrogance"?

First, let’s figure out what “arrogance” is. In psychological literature, this concept is synonymous with shamelessness, rudeness, and opposition to generally accepted norms. Note that arrogance has nothing to do with determination and self-confidence. Quite the contrary, scientific research it has been proven that it is with the help of rudeness, insolence, and failure to comply with social rules that a person tries to hide his own helplessness and uncertainty. That is, impudence is nothing more than defensive reaction, "mask". Will such a character trait really help you achieve your desired goals? Or is it better to develop such qualities as diplomacy, determination, and confidence? Each person independently determines the individual tactics of his behavior. Still wondering how to strengthen your character, how to become bolder? In this case, below you can find useful tips on how to do this.

Arrogance as a way of defense

First of all, you should define a clear line between outright rudeness and arrogance, which allows you to defend your opinion. So, for example, running ahead of the queue, pushing those around you with your elbows - this is a lack of basic education and self-esteem.

Arrogance as a method of defense manifests itself in situations when there is a need to respond to any irritant. In this case, there is a reasonable reason to think about how to become an arrogant person. This personality quality, indeed, sometimes helps to solve a problem situation and achieve the intended goals. For example, a company has a vacant managerial position for which several employees are applying. In such a situation, someone who will be active and proactive in their work, without looking back and without waiting for the actions of competitors, can get the desired position. This behavior can also be called arrogant, despite the absence of outright rudeness towards others.

Does arrogance suit girls?

A modern representative of the fair sex also often thinks about how to become daring and arrogant. After all, it is generally accepted that these are the girls who attract male attention. We hasten to dispel this myth - according to the studies conducted, it was concluded that impudent, boorish, arrogant ladies really attract the stronger sex. But most men still prefer to marry calm, balanced girls, preferring stability and comfort.

Setting goals

Don't know how to become bolder? You need to start with what you want to achieve. For example, we are talking about career growth. Then it is important to think about in what situations you can show arrogance and perseverance to implement individual tasks, and when it is better to refrain from demonstrating such behavior. Otherwise, a spontaneous, thoughtless expression of such a quality will not only not help you get what you want, but will also create additional obstacles to achieving the goal, in particular, it will reduce the trust of others in this person.

Increased confidence

How to become arrogant and confident at the same time? Specifying it yourself is quite difficult. This is due to the fact that such a personality quality as uncertainty is formed long time and depends on a variety of factors. In this situation, a psychologist will help, who, with the help various methods research will be able to detect and eliminate factors that reduce a person’s ability to achieve self-realization. Various specialized trainings and webinars will also help increase self-confidence. But most effective way is the support of loved ones.

Playing sports also helps increase self-confidence. Thus, regular training of endurance, perseverance, and determination has a positive effect on internal state a person, his beliefs and behavior.

Development of wit and public speaking skills

How to become arrogant without provoking conflict situations with other people? The ability to present correctly will help you achieve what you want without making enemies. Undoubtedly, arrogance, expressed in the form of a witty saying, will not only not offend others, but will also increase the popularity of the speaker. Diverse interests, in particular such as reading literature, travel, additional education, hobbies, a wide circle of friends and acquaintances, will help you learn this

Wardrobe change

If you don’t know and are bolder, change your wardrobe! A person dressed shabbyly, unkemptly, and at the same time showing manifestations of rudeness to others, emphasizes his own uncertainty, unfulfillment, and complexes. Stylish, and most importantly, clean and neat clothes help you reassess your own capabilities. With change appearance The need to demonstrate negative behavior may also disappear. After all, a confident person is able to enlist the support of others and achieve his goals without thinking about how to become arrogant.

Changing your social circle

As they say, “Whoever you get along with, you’ll get the hang of it.” If you are still thinking about how to become bolder, change it. In this way, you can learn from the experience of your comrades and learn, so to speak, the “subtleties of the craft.” In addition, it will be possible to adequately assess the effectiveness of arrogance in communicating with people and answer the question of whether such behavior really contributes to the achievement of desired goals or, conversely, is a source of various obstacles.

How to become tougher? Being good children, we learn the basics of behavior in society from our baby teeth - not to be rude to elders, listen to authorities, give in, make compromises.

And also share toys, be more tactful and not offend anyone.

If at two years old a stubborn little one does not want to part with his new car just because Petya also wants to play with it, then by the age of twenty-five everything changes.

Now the grown-up little one is already dejectedly giving his wife his salary, shouldering a pile of other people’s accounts, lending money to friends of friends, allowing a distant relative to “roll over” on his sofa. And he only dreams of becoming tougher in character.

Many parents raising disobedient children also often ask the question “How to become tougher?” They feel like they have spoiled their kids too much and want to get back on the right path.

But here there is danger:you can confuse toughness and cruelty. And then, instead of a “silk” child, you will get an offended and vindictive one.

Motivate yourself to be tough when it matters. Convince yourself that your inflexibility and your definition of clear boundaries of behavior are important for the child himself. Punishments must be moderate and adequate.

Play the role of a policeman in the house who will speak politely and assign a fine for a crime, and not a tyrant and despot who will deprive all cartoons for a week.

How to determine the line between harshness and cruelty? Catch yourself in the moment when you punish another: how do you feel? Joy, satisfaction? Or do you want to hug a person and calm them down, but don’t give yourself the freedom?

Truly tough people always have good self-control, don’t get hysterical, don’t scream and never get pleasure from their harshness. This is a necessary measure.

The path to toughness

Do you want to become a “tough nut to crack”? Be consistent. Start with the main thing:stop changing your mind and decision to please others.

A child asked you for a toy, you refused, and then he began to manipulate you. Cry, make sad eyes like Puss in Boots, lie on the asphalt... And you gave in - once, twice. And in his eyes you are now not an authority, but someone very soft and obedient, harmless.

The same thing happens in conversations with bosses, colleagues, parents and friends. All people dream of breaking others and make them do it their way. Which side are you on: with those who follow their own path, or with those who fulfill other people's desires?

Remember the rule :

"They said no"?Banned,refused?Now it's your way,don't leave him".

Why get tougher? To be happier. To be able to say “no” to your parents who force you into the mathematics department. To convince your boss that it's not your turn to be on duty on Christmas Day. To firmly inform your spouse that you will spend your salary on a new oven, and not on his car gadgets.

You'll have to . People with obvious low self-esteem often suffer from softness. Those who do not particularly believe in their right to happiness, choice, freedom and resistance.

Rule two:

"Remember,that friendship cannot be earned by pliability and pliability".

Let's remember school. Everyone is cheating from you homework, and for a minute it seems to you that now you are the navel of the Earth, the hero of the day and everyone will want to be friends with you. But the bell rings and they forget about you. And they will remember only when it’s time for the test.

It is important to realize how humiliating the place is soft man in a modern aggressive society. Weak-willed people are taken advantage of, and the goals of others are always selfish.

You won’t be thanked for rewriting someone else’s coursework, doing a shift for a colleague, or giving someone else’s father-in-law a ride to the airport...

Reliable person – like a free soda machine. No one will even think of giving him money, no one will rush to hug him.

Rule three:

“Define your boundaries of what is possible and what is impossible”.

It’s also not worth being an absolute “beech.” Sometimes friends really need help, parents need advice, children need love and support. When you try to become tougher, you risk getting carried away and starting to refuse everyone indiscriminately.

Therefore, take a piece of paper and carefully write down on it everything that you no longer want to do for other people. For example, “I will never lend money to my wife’s brother”, “I will not lend my notes to Kolya”, “I will not take on five extra working hours for a “thank you”...

In another column, outline possible, pleasant and right things for yourself - helping parents with repairs, homework with children, and the like.

If you are asked a question directly, but it is not on your list, ask for time to think. Weigh, brain, and then with refuse with a clear conscience.

How to identify wrong actions? Usually after them you feel bad, blame yourself for being weak-willed, and don’t feel happy. You are disappointed and realize that you have stepped on the same rake again: you have been used.

After doing the right thing, you are inspired and happy that you were able to be useful.

Since it is impossible to be good to everyone, do not be afraid of not liking someone. The main thing is that you love yourself.

What's so fun about being cute and shy? Better be bold! Impudence, energy, courage are qualities that can be envied. Instead of blending in with the crowd, you will learn to stand out. Instead of going with the flow, you can change it yourself. You are a girl with pepper, you can't be stopped in any situation.

Steps

Let your audacity shine

Be a little cheeky. But know when to stop. You need to be confident, not overconfident. Be honest and not offensive. Become cheeky, not rude. The essence of cheek is to say something cheeky, but with a smile on your face, as if you don’t mean anything bad. It is a mixture of different qualities in one whole. You can also call such a person a daring smartass.

The next time your friend texts you, “Hey, can I come over and play with you, ferret?” and you're tired of your friend's typos, instead of replying, “Okay!”, you'll type, “What?! I "ferret?! That's rude."
To be cheeky is to be cheerful. So when the teacher in English asks you how Charles Marlowe prevented his slaves from escaping, you, without even looking at the book, will say: “He cut off their legs!” with a smile on your face rather than an angry look.

Answer quickly. If a friend says she's leaving your party for a cooler one, you can tell her that she'd better first choose the right shirt to match her shoes. But again, with a shy smile and laughter - without excessive wit and causticity. If someone wants to say something not entirely tactful towards you, you can also show your tactlessness in response. Play this game!

Be confident. If there is one quality that distinguishes all daring girls, it is confidence. To do this, you need to know and love yourself in order to do what you want, express your personal opinion and not behave like a dejected wallflower. So, to empower your inner sass, call on that confident girl inside you and let her out! Because she's damn good!
- If you have confidence issues, it may be easier to start working on the outside. It's true that confidence comes from within, but it can also come from without! Dress well, try to feel comfortable on the street, and act the way you expect a confident person to act. Practice makes a habit, after all!
Be funny. Might as well ask your guinea pig speak your inner monologues out loud, right? But don't assume that everyone has a sense of humor; everyone has things that they find funny. This is a human characteristic that does not depend on genes. So trust your instincts - if something makes you laugh, maybe it will make someone else smile!
Be honest. From about the age of ten, we all (and especially girls) learn not to say everything we think about. We learn to be nice, polite, and definitely learn to avoid situations that embarrass us. In the process of this learning, we lose our honesty and integrity. But to become sassy, you need to learn a little!
- But this is not a reason to become bad. Bold is not bad. So when your friend doesn't take over your part for a school project, you shouldn't attack him with a "Hey! Wake up before you sabotage our project, you slacker!" Instead, have the courage to say, "Hey! We all put a lot of effort into this work. If you don't want to help, you can do the project alone, but we're better off working together."
  - Yes, some people will take your directness and honesty as a bad character, but these are only those who want to see you as a doormat. As long as you don't hurt other people's feelings, everything will be fine.
Be more energetic. A cheeky person is essentially a fun person. He is happy, cheerful, cheerful and full of energy. If you are lethargic, dull and not energetic, your insolence may be mistaken for cynicism. A springy gait will give your insolence a cheerful touch and make everyone envy you.
- The easiest way to get energized (we don't mean run around the room) is to be around your family and friends. Instead of hunched over your phone answering texts with a glassy eye or daydreaming in your own world, be present. this moment. Look at people when they are talking, smile and nod. Ask questions. Make jokes and flirt. Live in the moment.
We behave boldly
1. Have fun! This step is similar to the previous one, but there's nothing wrong with reminding that sass has a lot to do with fun. Why not? You are confident, energetic, and know how to cheer up (even yourself). So don’t be afraid to create an atmosphere of surprise, independence from the situation. Because everyone around you and you yourself have the correct worldview.
  - Seriously. Become the person who knows how to enjoy everything. Did you get a super-large coffee muffin for lunch today? What a success! Oops, did you get chocolate cake on your shirt? Fashion show time! Stains are all the rage, didn’t you know? Is your friend looking at your huge spot with a grin? Just tell her that if she can get dirty, then you can get dirty chocolate cake. (With a smile, of course).
2. Make your presence visible. Do you know people who have the power to be invisible? They can come somewhere and simply not be noticed. They “glue” to the wall and barely audibly enter and exit. Yes, this is not about you. It's too annoying for you. Boldness is a quality that will be noticeable to everyone!
  - So, whether you're telling jokes, telling stories, or hosting a fashion show with a lunch spot - go all the way. Don't be shy about those who pay attention to you. After all, there is one very good thing about all this - your positive energy and cheerfulness will lead forward and support any party. Not everyone can play this role!
3. Say what you mean. To be bold, you must become one of those who say what others are only thinking. You shouldn't be embarrassed by telling it like it is - good or bad. So many people are afraid to ask for what they want or to simply express their true thoughts. But it's not you!
  - So, if your teacher gave you three days to write a 5-page paper, just tell him that it is illogical to give so little time. When your lover tells funny joke, don't be afraid to say he's very nice. And when your friend wears pants that don't suit her, you have to tell her about it before others notice.
4. Your body language should also be bold. Because you are confident, energetic and bold - your body language should match this. What does a daring girl who keeps silent look like? Here are some tips:
  - Walk with your head held high. Pull your shoulders back and never slouch. It shows your confidence!
  - Don't shy away from eye contact. You have something to say, and so do others. Why not join them in this process?
  - Be flirty. Smile, touch the person you are interested in, laugh - you know how it works.
  - Roll your eyes or point different signs using other parts of the body (something like “talk as much as you want, no one listens to you”) can also be used as insolence, but it is better to keep it to a minimum. Such things are quite easy to cause negativity.
5. Don't worry about what others think. This should be just for show, but in general, in audacity there is no place for this kind of experience. Some people will be put off by your behavior; if you are a girl, everyone will argue that girls should be quiet and shy. And in addition to this, some people may be very sensitive and very sensitive to your directness. All this will happen. Of course, you need to listen to comments. Some of them may make sense. But if not, then you don’t need to pay attention to them.
  - To act boldly, you need to know with whom to behave this way and with whom not. You may have a friend who won't put up with your sarcasm and teasing. If so, admit it. You don't have to change yourself for everyone, but you do have to accept the feelings of others.
Expanding the boundaries of your audacity
1. Find a role model. Becoming bold is not something that is easy to achieve in today's society; however, over time you can gradually change. More and more people are appearing in the media more women who are stronger, bolder, and more defiant by the minute. So, find a role model and get inspired. Sometimes we need an example to follow!
  - Who can become a shining example for imitation? Beyoncé, Kesha and even Taylor Swift are pretty daring. Kristin Wiig, Jennifer Lawrence and Tina Fey also good examples. Although your aunt is no slouch either!
2. Dress stylishly. If a tramp is being cocky, he might just be rowdy or a little drunk. But if a stylish girl behaves like this, then it looks very cool. While this shouldn't have anything to do with the clothes you wear, it definitely helps. If your clothes have a touch of impudence, it will be easier for you to feel like a bold and confident person
  - "Style" is a relative thing. If you come to a punk concert, then you don’t need to worry about the style of couture items. Trust what the word itself means to you. The most important thing is that your clothes impress people, including you. Can you imagine a daring man dressed as a walrus?
3. Challenge your fears. Daring people are not afraid of anything. They are ready to get out of their little room and do whatever they need to do. It follows that if being confident is easy, saying what you think is also easy, then you can go to a higher level and challenge your fears - you will only become better for it. And you can’t help but like this, can you?
  - Challenge yourself - are you afraid? public speaking, heights or slugs. You're not afraid to challenge others, right? You provoke them, you tell them like it is, you are honest - so you have to be honest with yourself too. This is true!

Does a person need to be cruel? Everyone has their own opinion on this matter. It is clear that none of us wants to see cruel people around us, whom we are rightfully afraid of, or at least afraid of. We are much more comfortable being around harmless, compliant, kind and sympathetic people who would not cause you any fear. This desire is understandable, it meets our needs for security. But let's think about it - how safe is it to be an overly kind, sympathetic, soft, compliant and absolutely harmless person in this world? Or at least seem like it? Perhaps not the most the best option for us. At least we don't always have to be like that. Because such a person will be offended by many, used and self-affirmed at his expense. But tough and, even more so, cruel people, as a rule, are feared, and therefore respected, and therefore taken into account. The world is often cruel and merciless to those who do not understand its laws. And in order not to become its victim, you also need to be able to be cruel. Therefore, in this article we will talk to you about how to develop toughness in yourself, exactly as much as is necessary in order to stand up for yourself and defend your interests in this life.

At one time I worked as a criminal psychologist and dealt with very cruel people, or rather, with the actions that they committed. This allowed me to look at the world from the dark side, so to speak. And I realized that the world can be very cruel, especially to weak people. And since the world can be cruel, then the person in it should also be cruel - when necessary. Cruelty is considered a sign of weakness and cowardice, but let's think harder - is this really so? Does a cruel person who knows how to subjugate the will of other people seem weak? Is he like that? As a rule, no. Although, due to weakness and fear, a person can indeed commit cruel acts to intimidate other people, thus suppressing his fear at the expense of their fear, but even in this case, thanks to his aggressive actions, a person achieves results, and does not remain inactive and does not run away from danger. Therefore, a person needs cruelty, especially in situations where a person’s life depends on its presence or absence. He needs to be cruel in order to resist cruelty, for I have never seen a case in my life when cruelty and violence were successfully opposed by kindness. I do not take the story of Mahatma Gandhi as an example, because I do not consider his philosophy of nonviolence to be nonviolent. But that's not what this is about. If you found this article, it means that you have already become acquainted with life - with that side of it that does not pat you on the head, but stings very strongly and painfully. Therefore, why should you become cruel, you yourself know very well. I just want to say that we develop cruelty in ourselves not in order to use it to commit violence against other people, but in order to protect ourselves from this violence.

So, in order to become a cruel person, you, dear friends, first need to reconsider your entire worldview. Kindness and cruelty are two sides of the same coin. You must understand and accept this, and stop considering cruelty as something that should not exist in our lives. Therefore, to be cruel, you need to become practical. What does it mean? This means that moral standards should be perceived by you only from the point of view of your interests. Simply put, you need to be kind when it benefits you. And when it is not beneficial for you, forget about kindness, decency, honor, honesty, and so on. Cruelty, as I became convinced by studying its origins, is, first of all, cold-blooded practicality, in which a person can step over anyone, for the sake of himself and his interests. Therefore, the development of cruelty requires a person to develop composure and indifference to other people, in which a person is able to control his emotions. There is no need to be a rabid sadist, a wild psychopath who terrifies people. Although this is also a manifestation of cruelty. But with an animal character you will not get far, you will either be put in a cage, more balanced, but no less strong people, or other wild psychopaths will kill you. It is better to be a cold-blooded and calculating cynic, quietly and effectively removing everyone who blocks it from his path. Such a person is cruel mainly due to his prudence and the absence of any moral brakes. He is neither bad nor good, he lives the way it suits him to live. To become such a person, it is necessary, as I already said, to completely reconsider your worldview, and make for yourself the norm of what you now regard with fear and hatred. Must be accepted into your inner world cruel and immoral acts, understanding their meaning. You should never judge other people and their actions for anything - you should just try to understand what you are afraid of and what you hate. Forget that there is anything good or bad in this world - try to see the meaning in everything, even in the most wild and immoral actions of people. And of course, look for your own benefit in everything. The one who invented this world and you and me knew what he was doing. He created us as we should be, at least in this world.

But you and I still must take into account the fact that people’s cruelty is an integral part of their lives, so we need not to fence ourselves off from it, but learn to live with it and show it as necessary. And therefore, the last way to become cruel, which I want to tell you about in this article, dear friends, is very simple - take the example of those who act cruelly, but not wildly, but rather cynically and effectively, achieving their goals with the help of cruelty. Study the behavior of these people, try to understand its origins, its meaning, characteristics, goals. And then, think about what actions you can use to adopt this behavior and reproduce it in situations where you need it. You can, say, not help people when you don’t need it, it’s not profitable and it’s disgusting, right? You can also learn to mercilessly destroy your enemies with the most different ways using all the means available to you. You just need to abandon the patterned behavior that you are now unconsciously adhering to, and begin to form a new, more correct pattern, by imitating those who behave more practically.

Cruelty requires from a person not only a certain understanding of life, but also determination. You need to start choosing the behavior model you need. Once upon a time you learned from someone to be a non-cruel person, right? Someone, by example, showed you how to and how not to act in this life, someone made you the way you are now, instilling in you certain attitudes? Well, now learn from other people how to be cruel - take an example from those who, you think, understand life better than you. Study the behavior and thinking of these people - learn to look at the world through their eyes. And then you too will become a cruel person - justifiably cruel.

Also keep in mind that an abusive person can beat other people in a variety of ways. For him, the end always justifies any means. Among in various ways In achieving goals, a special place is occupied by the ability to manipulate people, thanks to which many insidious rulers came to power and established their own strict and even cruel laws and rules for everyone. Manipulation is the most powerful weapon in the hands of any person. This is a weapon of both local and mass destruction. If you are physically and mentally weak person, if you need a strong weapon to protect yourself and defend your interests, then you need to learn how to manipulate people - this skill will give you great power. Good manipulators are able to outplay, outwit, and ultimately defeat anyone. Master the skills of manipulating people and they will help you cope with any enemies, rivals, competitors.

Friends, do not forget that we develop cruelty in ourselves not in order to purposefully harm other people, but in order to prevent them from harming us. And also so that they do not interfere with us achieving our goals and do not get in our way. When nothing else helps in such cases, you can resort to competent cruelty.